Tuesday, October 18, 2016


Wow...as i sit here and write this, i realize just how bad i have been at updating my blog. However, i will say that life has gotten even crazier and even more hectic since Master and i have added a second child to our family and with me back in school working towards my nursing degree. There have been so many changes that i am so glad that i still have this blog to keep track of them.

The major thing i have realized is that i am quite hard on myself in telling myself when i get back on here that i havent blogged in so long and that i will do better and blog everyday and i blog once or twice and then it goes back downhill again. Well this time, i have come to realize that this blog used to be the only outlet that i had to tell Master how i was feeling and what was going thru my head. Instead, He has very much pushed hard for me to communicate better with Him about things. This means that there is less blogging on my end about various things because i am being more open and honest with Him about things. Now i feel like i can start to make this blog more about everything in my life instead of just using it as an outlet to vent my feelings to Master since i wasn't good at expressing my feelings.
This picture says everything about the way i feel now about how i am truly trying to work on communicating better with Master about various things. Granted, there are still some times where i find myself having issues communicating with things or various things that happen get in the way of me being open and honest with Him, i feel i am getting better. He has gotten more patient and has learned a couple questions that if i'm not able to pull out what i want to say right away help me pull it out and put it into sentences that i can tell Him to get things across.

With changing to a new school and being so close to getting into nursing school and getting my
nursing degree, it has definitely added a lot to my plate. However, i feel that for some reason this time around i am still able to focus on Master and His needs for the most part. With that being said, i have to point out how amazing He has been. Master wakes up early to take care of the kids and get them where they need to go. He makes sure that when i get home if i need time to study or do any kind of class work that i can get it done by taking care of the children and keeping them occupied. Master has also been very amazing in that He has helped me study for major tests. This semester i may get close to a 4.0 and a lot of it has to do with His support. If i need help, he is very good about quizzing me and of course there is an extra reward to remember the right answers. For every wrong answer i receive a swat/spanking. It has led to me remembering a lot. Plus it helps ease my piece of mind by showing me what i really know and what i need to focus on. Master is very quick to point out when i am VERY much overthinking things. He has been a big blessing in me being able to get as close as i am to achieving my nursing degree. i dont feel like i ever tell Him enough, but i am beyond grateful that He is as supportive of me achieving this dream of becoming a nurse as He is. :D He has truly kept me from giving in the towel when all the chips were down because i felt like there was nowhere to turn. Now i am in an amazing school and have a great chance of getting into the nursing school i applied to and am doing amazing in my classes.

Master is truly my strength and has allowed me to keep it together so many times. He is amazing and it is amazing to think we have learned so much in the time the two of U/us have been together as a couple and as Master and lil one.

Master has brought this belief out in me and i hope to work on it in the future. He made mention earlier today about how He wished when i facetimed Him that He could have seen me on my knees in position for Him because i have a hard time staying still. It made me smile so big because it made me feel loved to know that He wanted me at His feet and this position is where i feel the most at home at times. Although this picture talks about pleasing a Dom, i feel it is just as pertinent in relating to me pleasing Master. As He tells me a lot of the time, i let myself get into my head and i let things get to me too easily. The part about pushing my body is very true and part of that for me is that i definitely need to start focusing on keeping my body healthy and the other part is that i sometimes need to push past the pain that i feel when my body decides to act up a little bit. The good thing about this is that i am working at trying to put it into Master's hands and let Him judge whether or not He wants to push any kind of activities while knowing what i am experiencing pain wise and level (such as migraine or side pain). This picture leads me to wonder if getting into position during the day for whatever reason i need it at the time would be something i should look into doing, especially if the kneeling position is a position that i feel puts me back into my submissive/slave mindset.
Ultimately i find myself feeling this a lot more each day that i focus more on Master and O/our relationship instead of letting the humdrum of the day get to me. More time i find myself focusing on Master and making sure that i am taking care of Him or not getting frustrated because something was done the way that i would have done it. When i focus on Him and being His lil one, it lets me know that He loves me unconditionally and it helps keep me going. He is what allows me to do everything else because by focusing on Him and making Him happy, i receive the support that i need to handle things that come up in my life from a rough day at school to juggling things with Him, family life, work life, school life, and just all things in general. He truly makes me feel loved and i can only hope that He sees the changes i am trying to make for Him for a better lil one, but also most importantly for myself so that He can have the lil one that He deserves! i find myself tired, but He is what keeps me going and gives me energy each day knowing He is proud of me for going (plus loving the school i'm at now helps).

Saturday, June 11, 2016

New thoughts and transitions ahead maybe??

       There have been thoughts rolling around my lately about what i wanted to post on here from things ive thought before and wanted to say to just things i want to do in the future and how things are progressing between Master and myself. However, life has seemed to make everything else a priority besides turning on the computer and writing down everything that is roaming around in my head. So many changes since the last time i wrote and unexpected turns that life has brought to Master and myself. 

     Last time i posted about how Master and i were beginning to make changes in how the two of U/us interacted with each other and the type of relationship we had. Since Master and i got married, there have been many different things that influenced our relationship and the dynamic we shared. For lack of a better way to put it, life definitely got in the way as well as things in both mine and His control got in the way....although more mine than His. i guess i have to explain this part to make more sense of why the change....

    In the beginning of our relationship, i was more carefree than i was a year to two years ago. When i first started blogging on here, it was partially a way for me to keep Him in the loop with what was going on with me both in my head after things happened and also with because i lived out of state at the time we got together. Now it is a way for me to get things off my chest and just to let Master know what is going on in my head since i am still working on some of the minor details that come with O/our dynamic. It was very different when we first got together because not long after the two of U/us got together and He became my Master i had to leave to do my job. Between that and basically being in a field where it is male dominated and having to take control, it caused me to lose the lil one side of myself. It was there, but it was only a shadow of what it had been when i first met Master. He never once complained and though things were good, i wasn't the lil one that He had met and had fallen in love with. Now with that being said, both of us know that people can change and things evolve over time. However, this was more because i was letting another job dictate things and it became my Master and He began to be put second. It took A LOT of talking between the both of us since this job has ended and i am moving on. But there are still the scars that are still here and it has left me trying to embrace a new future and let the past go at the same time. 

    In the past, i have posted that i will start to put more blog posts up or even post every single day. It seems that i need to be more lenient on myself on writing and that sometimes it may not be feasible for me to be able to write every single day. Crazy that before i felt that i just HAD to write for it to be a part of the lifestyle dynamic between myself and Master. However, since starting to make changes to our dynamic it has come to my attention that writing down what im feeling or something that i need to tell Master isnt as good as actually communicating with Him about things. He has encouraged me to work on my communication and until recently i had used these writings as an excuse to do so. Now there is the possibility that every so often writing may be the only way to get my words out, which would be the exception to the case above. Not communicating has been one of my biggest issues.

    Since Master and i got together, there have been walls that have been up due to several things that came about either from how i was raised or certain events that happened in my life. He pointed out to me several times over the years that i had walls up and that i didnt trust Him, but the words kept coming out of my mouth that i did trust Him. Apparently i was a walking contradiction especially when the phrase "actions speak louder than words" comes to mind. This was most definitely what i was doing and i fought against this up until recently. Then one day something changed and i realized that these walls were there and that because of them i wasnt fully trusting Him. *gasp* i know...crazy to say that He was my Master and that even though i was His submissive that i wasnt fully trusting Him. Even worse was that this man had NEVER done anything to make me not trust Him. In fact, He did EVERYTHING to make me trust Him and then some. He was that rock that was always there and never once ran away from me. Even when there were the big huge fights (which oddly enough have been the defining moments that led to new changes in our dynamic), He never once left me like i thought He would do because that's what other people in my life had done. He has always stayed by me and has constantly reassured me that no matter what happens He will always be there for me. 

    That is something that has taken some time to really sink in my head. Oddly enough, it took me having a second child to really come to understand just how important the dynamic is not just for us on a sexual level but the peace and comfort it provides us in our everyday life. Lately i have realized i am more comfortable with myself as lil one when i let things happen naturally. There are still many different things that i am trying to overcome from my past and allow myself to let loose on, but i know that it is a slow process. Master has been so amazing in talking with me and getting me to realize that there have been walls up that i never really knew about or am starting to find as i dig thru and let loose. He has taught me so much in the past year that i am really trying to take it to heart and show Him that i am trying to be that lil one that He truly deserves to have. He has been so patient and has stuck by me when there have been several times He could have run because things weren't what they were when we started together. 

    Now with all that being said, life has been crazy the past two years and both Master and myself have had to tone down the dynamic a little bit because we had to move in with a super conservative family member to help save money on bills. It is hard to believe that this family member has passed away, which allows us to be more open with the lifestyle that we live in. This family member was an amazing person to let us live with them and Master and i will always be grateful for them providing a roof over our head when we needed it the most. So our family has been thru a lot with the family member passing, but now i find that the two of us have been able to get back in to being our own selves again. The two of us are trying to get settled back on our own again, but it has caused me to think about a lot of things with the two of us and how i would like to continue to get back to being the lil one that i was when i met Master and before i let other people cause me to lose sight of myself. 

     The past few weeks i started some classes as i am working on my degree towards nursing at a new school. It has me gone most of the day and when i do come home i barely have time to eat before i have to dive into the homework and studying. It makes me wonder if i am being there for Master and being the lil one like i should be. He is always great about reassuring me that He will ALWAYS want me. But the craziest thing is that the week i started school, Master had to get up with the baby and i was getting ready for class. i had to cook myself breakfast and since He was already awake i felt that i should fix Him something too. It was just a natural reaction and it made me feel so proud that i was able to make Him some breakfast and take care of Him even though i spend a lot of time away for school. He has been so amazing helping with the other things that i am not able to take care of as well as i would be able to if a majority of my time wasnt focused on school. The past few weeks with Master and i myself being back in our roles (with a few exceptions from day i was sick and with times i have to work on homework later into the night) it has been the most comforting thing in my life despite our life being very up in the air at the moment. It has brought me a calming reassurance that no matter what, He will always be there to help push me to better myself in a good way and that He truly does want me to better myself. This was shown the other morning when He woke up early with me, let me drive to school (if both of us are together He always drives unless it is thru a drivethru order), quizzed me on my biology, took care of the kids while i took my test, waited for me to have lunch with a friend, and numerous other things despite being tired from waking up with the baby during the night. Words can't express how grateful i am for the little things like this that He does for me, while also showing His dominance and control over me. 

     The future is uncertain at the moment, but i think that from now i plan to try to write in here when it is needed but not use it as my only means of communication. For the longest time i used it as a crutch and it has hampered things when i should have been able to say how i was feeling. Instead i hid behind my writings and told myself that was my way of telling Him how i felt. Now i intend to focus on actually talking with Him like i should have been able to do from the beginning. i also need to accept that lil one is a part of me and there is no way to hide it. Honestly im actually excited about the two of us getting into our own place so we dont have to worry about family coming by and messing things up. It is exciting to see where things will go from here with the two of us and the lil one that Master fell in love with coming back out. 

how i feel about Master most recently :) 
the D/s that Master and i have are most definitely very unique like this post says 
Master has most definitely been reminding me of this all the time 
my best friend and has most definitely ALWAYS been there for me

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Catching up.....

So first off, i have to admit that i didnt realize how long it had been since i last wrote in my blog. Omg do i feel bad for those that look for a post to see if i'm still around. Promise i havent disappeared, but life has most certainly gotten chaotic around here. 

Master is back in school and is working hard to get His certifications back. Which im SOOOOO proud of Him in doing so. He is working hard to make sure that He can provide for His family and it makes me love Him so much more. Now im not going to lie, but it brings out the lovely feelings down inside that before long i will be able to enjoy making His lunch and waiting for Him when He gets home and hopefully having dinner ready on the table. 

On top of that, im back in school and working towards my degree. It has been kind of chaotic getting back into the swing of things are going through a period where i felt that i wasnt really being challenged. Now i ended up challenging myself, and possibly too much as Master has been so good to point out, and have taken on 18 hours this semester. It has been a rough spot so far and i have been struggling slightly with getting my assignments handed in on time and studying and just balancing it with the chaotic life of being married and having a child. 

Family life has gotten very crazy and there has been so much that has changed since the last time i wrote. Christmas has brought some very strong emotions up in that i went out to visit my biological father for the second time and his wife, who i call mum because she was like a mother to me (even more of a mother than the one that gave birth to me). It was there that my dad revealed to me all the paperwork that he had been keeping over the years from the custody and divorce battle between him and my mother, and towards the end my stepfather. Reading through those and finding out all about how different things are really was shocking to me. Those letters revealed that she was trying to hide from him. He had to get the police involved to get them to let her know that she was being called in to court, not to mention at the time she left the state and flew all the way to the otherside of the country to keep me from him (which in my opinion was kidnapping at the time). 

My biological mother is a liar and has been lying to me my entire life after those documents revealed her true nature. She told my biological father in a letter that he just needed to give up and let me go because i was calling another man daddy and that was how it was going to be and that he just needed to accept it that way. It was hurtful to me that she would do this. I didnt get to make a choice at all and that is the part that infuriates me! She, for whatever reason, chose that he would be cut out of my life! The whole time growing up whenever i had asked about him growing up i would be told that he chose to not be involved in my life and he is the one who didnt call or write or send anything. However the letters revealed that she told him that i was going to be adopted by my stepfather and that he should just go ahead and let me go and forget about me because i wasnt going to know him. 

Since finding out about all of this, i have been struggling with what to do and how to manage things.

(these are some ramblings that i forgot to post)

Been gone with life

    Wow it has been a while since the post on this blog has been updated. Mostly because of life has it been neglected. W/we both have been busy with school, ride along's, our daughter, her being pregnant, and just life in general. W/we are still living the BDSM lifestyle as best we can.  W/we have been really blessed to have made it to 29 weeks with this little boy with minimum complications. Its been a whole new experience for us as with our daughter we were in a hospital room and had nurses looking after her making sure all was going well. lil one has a cerclage that is helping with her cervix and is also being given P17 shots to help as well. I (Master R) have been busy with going to school to get My recertification as an Advanced EMT (think of paramedic) and having to deal with all that comes with it. lil one is doing the same while being pregnant so she has it twice as hard. W/we have come to the conclusion that we do need this lifestyle and that it has helped us in so many ways when we have some arguments or rough times.

    For those wanting to know W/we are having a boy and when he was last measured he was ahead of where we actually thought he was so he is growing great and lil one is hanging in there with all the aches and pains and all the symptoms that come with the pregnancy. she is a hero in My book with keeping the house in shape, taking care of our daughter and all her activities, making and protecting our offspring, keeping up with bills, making sure I am taken care of, getting lunches and dinners prepared and served, and keeping sane through it all. I try to tell her everyday that she is amazingly sexy and beautiful. To Me there is nothing more beautiful than your wife and best friend to be molding and making an offspring for you. W/we have an amazing daughter who is daddy's girl all the way but I know for Me I am excited to have a boy. Having one of each has always been the way I wanted it and am so blessed to have it that way in a few months.

So for those who did read this blog W/we thank you and will try to keep it up as best we can.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Feeling free

Last night was a magical night for me and Master, at least in my opinion. It seems like life got in the way for a while and both of U/us were trying to find the path back to the lifestyle and back to being Master and lil one while adding in the responsibilities of O/our everyday life. 

Master and i were laying in bed last night when He had the urge to take what belonged to Him. He used me and i remember that He wanted to be finished by me sucking Him off. As i did so, He had me on my knees on the ground. In this past, this typically meant that my knees would start hurting not long after getting into this position. However, with how the activity level of both myself and Him have increased, my ability to hold that position have gotten better. It almost feels like i am getting back to what i was able to do when i first met Him (where i was put in position for 30 minutes no moving as a punishment when long distance skype was O/our only option).  This is an amazing feeling to me as i truly want to get back to being the lil one that He first met as i feel since getting married and having a child things have gone to the wayside a little bit in regards to the lifestyle. 

Back to me being on my knees (lovely picture right now im betting) on the floor in front of Master and sucking Him off. He ended up shooting His cum all over me and marking my face and breasts with His cum. It was an interesting feeling for sure and it definitely makes me feel like His slave and lil one when He marks me. It reminds me of my place and makes me feel more secure with where i stand. After He shot His cum all over me, normally that is when He ends things and both of U/us get cleaned up and cuddle together and calm down before falling asleep for the night. Last night, Master treated me to the wand massager that was bought a month or so ago. Then He decides that while i am still down on my knees that He will continue to play with me and push me to cum multiple times. 

The crazy thing is that as i was in the position, my senses were heightened and i could feel it that much more. Body and mind craved Him and i could feel myself loving the feeling of Him exerting His control over Him. He began to push my body more and more as He held the wand in. It was the most intense feeling in the world as every ounce of my being told me to fight it and break the position, but i knew He wanted me to hold the position because He had started playing with me while still on my knees. It was sooooo freeing and it was an interesting feeling to have wave after wave of the orgasms cut through and hit me but i was still able to hold the position. It was the most intense feeling and i loved it. :) It made me feel extremely close to Him and im so glad that He did that for me.

Now i find myself craving His touch again. Part of me wants to jump Him, but at the same time He isnt feeling very good and i definitely dont want to push Him too hard and make Him sicker. He is working very hard to go to school so that He can support U/us in the future and i dont want to risk that (not that i would anyways but just the thought in my head). My thoughts find myself on wanting to use the butt plug that W/we have that i have finally gotten to where it is comfortable when inserted. The first night that He played with it and the glass dildo inside of me, i realized what it was like to truly feel full. Part of me craves that feeling of being full from a combination of Him in either my pussy or ass and a dildo/buttplug in the one not being used. It creates an amazing sensation and last time i believe made my orgasms that much more. My mind goes back to that night where He and i played with the new toys and He had me tied to the bed where i couldnt move as He played with the glass dildo in my pussy, inserted the butt plug in my ass, and played with the wand on my clit. OMG the feelings that i remember. It is hard for me to just come out and ask for things, but i love it when Master places me in the restraints and uses me as it reminds me everytime of my place. 

The crazy thing is i crave a good spanking and then being used with what was mentioned above with Him teasing me like crazy and then just ramming both me with His cock. It truly does sound absolutely amazing right about now, especially the feeling of being fucked after getting a spanking and squirting for Him when He tells me to cum. However, as much as i want all of these things i also have to remember that it is not up to me if i get it or not. Master decides when i will and will not get what i want and if He feels He is sick then it will have to wait. All i know is there is such a strong craving to be restrained with rope/bondage and forced to do as He wants as it centers me and makes me feel at home (especially since we have a chair that makes for easy restraining in the room now). The pictures included below are what im feeling right now:

Please, please, please, please, please Master?? Can You please?
 This looks sooooo hot!!! love the thought of this....
Love the thought of this....being teased, tied up, and fucked by Master...yummy :)
interesting to try since i have yet to be restrained to a chair and used. Would it be any fun for Master? Dont know yet if it would be......

Wonder if this is why people buy futons for their spare bedrooms? This would be interesting to say the least to try and see how it works with Master ;) 
 Tied to the bed with a wand right there? Oh man i would love this as Master stands over me telling me either to wait to cum or whispering in my ear to cum for Him.
 This almost looks like the plug that Master and i have that has taken me a little bit to get used to...love this picture
Love the thought this picture makes me think of Master using me like He does. 

All of these pictures have me thinking and i know with both of us not feeling well for the day, these thoughts will be for another night. But for now, at least Master knows that i am thinking about Him.