Tuesday, June 29, 2010

lil one is off to BMT...It is sad

Yes this is lil one's Master! My lil one has gone off to Texas to join the great armed forces of this great land! I am missing her like crazy and cant wait till she is back in My arms! I am really proud of her for making that sacrifice and being strong. The only contact we will be able to have is through good ol' mail. It has been forever since I actually sent a letter to someone using the post office mail. With all the technology around you would think that they would be able to have some form of communication but hey what are you going to do! I know that she is down there with Me on her mind as I am up here with her on Mine! Well I have work in the morning so I am going to try to get some sleep while she races through My mind!!

Master R

Monday, June 28, 2010

Wow...this is so hard for me..

   Hey babe. I know that You might need to see this as i know right now i will still be thinking of You and wondering what i got myself in to. I cant believe that right now i am on my way to basic training and will be away from you for 8 1/2 weeks as of today. Wow...so incredibly hard. I know right now that thinking about it and having to leave You is already making me tear up. Hard to believe that i will be leaving Your arms and going to put myself through hell, as there is no other word to describe it in my mind.
   This past month has been so amazing spending time with You, even if we were doing nothing. I have found out so many things about myself in the short time span that we have spent together that i cant wait to see what else You bring out in me. Leaving You is the hardest thing i'll ever do because i know this is such a huge step for me. Crazy that i am going to go through this. By now i have a feeling that i am having second thoughts about what i really got myself into. Am i really ready for all those sleep deprived nights and is it really worth the benefits in the long run. Either way i know it is because i will get to hear You say "well done or good job lil one" when i graduate. I am excited to see You wrap me up in those big bear arms of Yours and twirl me around. I only hope that once this all is said and done that i make You proud.
   Just know that i will always miss You while i am away. I may stay busy a good bit of the time, but know no matter what You are always in my mind and You will always be the first thing i think of when i go to sleep and when i wake up in the morning. I love You so much and miss You so much already even though i only left You a few hours ago. I hope You made it home safe and sound after leaving me earlier today.
                                                                                                                         Miss you and love You lots,
                                                                                                                                   <3 lil one <3

What I Love About You

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

- Crystal Jansen -

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Today is yet another day and it just wasnt my day....

   Wow...I have never had a feeling of such dread and hated knowing everything that was going on. I found myself in trouble yet again, although this was more because i didnt have patience and that i also spoke without thinking. I cant believe i did it because i honestly know better then that. I guess sometimes, my brain gets the best of me and i spout off without filtering what i just said. That's also why my mouth has gotten me into trouble because sometimes i get so mad that i just spout off, while others i just didnt think.
   Today started off with the two of us snuggling and for some reason i was a little bit whiny this morning. I just wasnt totally awake, but i was kind of grumpy this morning. I dont think i have been grumpy with Him in he morning ever, but this morning was the first. It wasnt that i didnt get enough sleep because i sure did, but for some reason it was just crazy. I felt so out of it again today it wasnt even funny.
   After waking up, i got the room together and got a shower and then it was time to go see His family. This was where i got myself into trouble because i spouted off without thinking and managed to put myself in a bad spot. I acted like i was greedy (which im not a greedy person at all) and i couldnt believe i asked Him what i did. It just couldnt get any worse, but it sure did. At least for my emotions it did. I couldnt believe it, but i found myself crying at the thought of having to say goodbye to both Him and His family. It's crazy that i'm leaving so soon on monday and the tears have been threatening to flow since earlier. I cant believe how things have gone, but i should have expected these feelings to surface sometime soon.
   I hope that my punishment from earlier is something that i will remember. I have a bad habit of not thinking before i speak or act and it gets me into a lot of trouble lately. Today was a very good example of that. I find myself so focused on other things that i dont do other things like i should. The only thing i know for sure is that i deserve whatever punishment it is that i get and i'll take it.
   I find myself not ready to say goodbye on Monday, but it will come before i know it. I'm going to miss Him so much and i hope He knows that i will always be His lil one even when im gone and away at basic.I wish i could be there to take care of things for Him, like i should be doing...but for 21 1/2 weeks i wont be able to :(. This is a sad thought for me, but oh well. I only hope that i can make it through basic and tech school so i can get back to His arms again.
   Sorry this is so short, but someone who can normally write a ton i find myself torn tonight. I have so much to say but i cant think of what to put into words. It's been an amazing day and had some roadblocks in the way is all i can say. It's going to be an emotional next few days, but i'll make it through with Him by my side every night.
   I have to admit though one thing before i finish that i feel bad about tonight. It seems like today i had so many things to take care of that it was like i wasnt going to be extremely focused on Him. I got home and had to do the deferrment for my loans (which couldnt do) and then had to finish His surprises. The other thing that i have yet to do that i need to is to wipe my computer, but i want to make sure that i have everything off of it. I am sure that i do, but it can be done when we get to my friend's place tomorrow. I just feel horrible that i didnt really pay attention to Him while i was finishing His surprises because i really wanted to get them done. I have a bad habit of getting a task and focusing solely on getting things done. I realize i should have talked to Him while i was getting these tasks done instead of leaving Him to amuse myself as if i wasnt there. I only hope that He sees how sorry i am that i didnt talk to Him or just let Him know what was going on. :( I feel bad that i did that because it makes me feel bad that i wasnt paying attention to Him.....ugh i feel like i screwed up so much today, but everyone has their off days. I only hope that mine doesnt last any longer then today....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Change in mind for the day....new ideas for the blog tonight

 Normally I tend to write about my feelings and emotions and what happens throughout the day, but for some reason i cant really think of a lot and feel more about doing this. I have a feeling that i will share some more feelings after i put this in there, but for now i feel led to put this song in here. It means so much to the two of us because of all that our pasts have led us to go through. Now i know that i dont know everything that happened in His past, nor do i think that i want to know everything. This doesnt mean that im not interested in His past period, it's just there are some parts that are better left not told. Just the same with me i believe, there are parts of my past better left untold. Now this being said there are no secrets between me and Him and if He ever wanted to know anything, i would openly share it with Him but not unless He asks about things. Anyways, the song that i'm talking about is a country song as the two of us are plain ol' country folks, lol. Well, we're not old but you get the point i'm sure. It reminds the two of us that sometimes you have to be thankful when your prayers arent answered.

Unanswered prayers

   I hear this song and i think so many times that i prayed that this person would be the one that i wanted to be with. Now that i'm with Him, i see just how lucky i am that those prayers were never answered. I am so lucky to have Him in my life and i thank God everyday for giving me this amazing man to be my Master, love, and best friend. He is the only man that i could ever see myself with and find myself falling in love with Him everyday. Much like this next song says...

Falling in love again

  He makes me fall in love with Him again over and over every day that we are together. He never cares what other people think about the two of us and we can be riding down the road goofing off together. I honestly dont think i ever would have found a man who would be fine with listening to me singing Barbie Girl while driving down the road and dancing to it as we're driving. Although in all honesty this song has hints of BDSM lifestyle in it, especially when it says "you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere" or "i'm a blonde little girl in the fantasy world, dress me up make it tight im your dolly" or the best is "make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please, i can act like a star, i can beg on my knees". I find these lines hilarious because they make me think of the lifestyle with those and little girls everywhere are singing this song, not even realizing what it is saying.
   I just cant believe that Monday is coming around so soon and I will have to leave His arms to go and take care of my duty. I say that i'm not thrilled to be leaving His side because i have become so accustomed to life with Him and how things have been that it's going to be hard to get into the swing of things. I know i will be pushing myself and making myself better for both Him and me. It's not just about me now and it allows me to take that step into adullthood. I feel like lately i have been stationary, which He has said that same thing. It will be amazing when i reach the end of the training and get that huge bear hug as i'm back in my arms.
   The downside to the day was that i have banged myself up so much that it left me down and depressed. I scratched the back of my leg and His family's house, got beamed in the knee with a baby doll when we were playing, and then already scratched on my arm, hit my head while getting my shoes on to go out, and then in the process of going out had two cars decide they want to hit me. One of them would have majorly won the fight because it was a Dodge truck jacked up. It was comforting knowing that He was there to bandage these hurts and pains, but i still feel helpless when i get banged up or hurt and He takes care of me. It's not that i dont like Him taking care of me, but it should be the other way around. It's also that i hate the fact that i just hurt myself today and felt so down. I hate seeming like a baby.
   The fun part of today and i will forever remember this and it will for sure be my happy thought was the two of us going on a walk around the neighborhood. He was laughing at me as we walked and talked about things. It's amazing having Him tell me that He feels the same and has to pinch Himself to see if He is sleeping too. It's crazy knowing that i'm not the only one feeling as though this is a dream and i'm going to wake up tomorrow realizing i havent found my perfect man and Master. He really is amazing and i wouldnt want Him any other way. As we were walking, we stopped in the park and sat on the swings. I felt amazing and it was almost as if i was a kid again. Yet another cool factor to being able to goof off with Him. We talked and were joking about how He wants to be in shape and everything to be able to build a swingset for kids. I asked Him if He wanted the six pack abs, which i got told no He just wanted to be in shape. I understand this and in all honesty i could care less about if He changes or not because He is amazing just the way He is. He could take off His shirt right now and build the swingset and I would be completely fine with it and think He was sexy. He is sexy to me and i love it. I love the way He looks at me with love in His eyes and it's just like His eyes say it all---good or bad. I just hope He realizes just how much i love Him and feel so lucky to have Him in my life. He is truly amazing. :) Okay...enough oohing and aahhing over Him and to spending time with my Master and best friend before i leave on Monday. I'm taking all the time i get with Him....

I live for little moments like this....

   Wow, today couldnt get any better then what it has been in my opinion. The funny thing is that we didnt do anything, but it's still amazing that today was better then i ever thought possible.
   The day started after the two of us woke up. A 3 1/2 hour car ride one way to the recruiter can be a little exhausting with the heat that has been hitting the area lately. I think it was about low 90s yesterday while we were traveling, which was incredibly hot to me. The weird thing was that we burned more gas driving down the road with the A/C on compared to riding down with the windows down. With the windows down, we barely burned any gas at all and made it all the way up to TN and made it to lunch with my mother and the visit to my recruiter and then back to our first stop area. It was weird because when we put the windows up for phone calls that we got while driving down the road, we watched the gas gauge slowly creep down. But after they were put back down, the gauge barely moved at all.
   Visiting with the recruiter seemed to not really phase me at all yesterday. I found out some amazing news and some not so great news. The bad news was that for Christmas, I may not be able to make it home to celebrate Christmas with Him at the actual time or not. I hate the thought that i might not be able to spend time with Him for the holidays when the holiday actually is. My happy thought is that at least i'll get to celebrate the holidays with Him some point around that time. The good news was that nothing was wrong and that i was eligible for recruiting assistance. This meant that if i dont get a base close to Him, i can work close to home and visit Him on weekends. :D This made my day. I'm not totally sure how things will work out, but i know that either way we will make things work.
   The funny thing is that lately i have been so gung ho about finding a Jeep. It's crazy because everytime i see a jeep for sale im look "oh look its a jeep" and He just looks at me and laughs. It's hilarious because i have never felt like i wanted to drive a jeep so bad, but Him mentioning that i should get one makes me laugh. I have always wanted a jeep and He is just prodding this love of jeeps and bringing out the true country side of me. I have always been a country girl, but my parents kind of surpressed it and made me believe that it was bad to be like this. I love that since i have met Him i have come out of my shell so much and i know there are still pieces of it that are left and will take a little bit longer to come off. With Him helping me though, i doubt it will take long.
   Anyways back to the day..both of us were exhausted after not really sleeping at all last night. We both had bad dreams that it just seemed couldnt be real. My dream was horrible and His was equally horrible. He had dreamed that i had cheated on Him with my ex. I reassured Him telling Him that there was no way that would happen. He told me whatt all had happened and how He gave me a choice between me and the guy (who happened to be my ex) and I told Him that i didnt know in the dream. To me this would NEVER EVER happen because i know that no matter what the choice will always be Him...there is just no choice for me ever. I love Him so much and He is my whole world. I know He is the one for me. He is the one to guide me and love me and comfort me when i need it. He is the only one that i ever wish to serve and will serve. I look forward to the future ahead and know i will be walking into it with my hand in His.
   The other part of the night was me having a bad dream to where i had a tornado chasing me and my sister's baby. She had a baby boy and somehow he was just left sitting out on the front porch and being the aunt i had to take care of him. It's crazy because it doesnt matter who's baby it is, but i find myself with that mother instinct kicking in. It makes me wonder that when i eventually do have kids (whenever that may be in the future) if i will make a good mom or if i will be bad and not know how to do things. It's crazy because i think about this, but im not a mom nor do i want to be right now just because of my situation in life right now. Oh well, i guess such is life and im sure ill find out soon enough.
    Well today we lounged around and i took care of getting my student loan information together. My recruiter waits until the week before i'm supposed to leave to tell me that i have to get him the promissory notes together and then when i finally message them to him, he tells me that he needs to know how much i have in loans. After that is where the bad news came. He told me that the military was only going to pay for one of the loans because there wasnt enough time to consolidate it. I couldnt believe it because this makes me mad. If i had been told from the get go that i had to consolidate them for them to be paid off, i would have. But oh well, enough complaining since i'm getting at least 5,500 out of debt with my student debts. i can at least be happy for that much.
   I feel proud that i accomplished that much and got to make sure everything was good on my computer. I cant believe there is so little time left before i leave but im glad that im spending every last bit of time with Him. He is the one person who has yet to disappoint me or leave me behind in the dust when they got tired of me. Yesterday i was in tears telling Him this after my mother told me about how they would be closing the house on the day i left and just how i feel like my parents keep breaking me down more and more, only occasionally giving me moments of happiness or praise. It's like my entire life they have left me on my own and now that i am on my own they dont like it and they dont like that im finally happy. I mean especially considering the fact that my mom told me not to even think about marriage or thinks that im going to have a long distance relationship with Him. (apologizing right now for my language because good girls dont say ugly words but its venting) Who the fuck does she think she is to tell me when i can and cant get married or even that i can only have a long distance relationship with Him. Like hell i will. This is my life and the only person that i have to answer to now is Him and only Him because He is my Master. But in that knowledge, He doesnt tell me how to feel or when to feel it or anything of that nature. He encourages me to better myself by improving myself in various things. He in no way whatsoever has done anything close to what they have done. It's crazy because i am planning on writing an email letting them know everything about how they have made me feel before i leave and letting Him hear it before i send it.
   I find myself not as nervous today as i think about the HUGE step in front of me. After His reassurances yesterday, i know now that i wont have any kind of problems. Well, i cant say i wont but i know that things will be a little bit easier knowing that He will be there no matter what and even if i dont make it all the way through, as long as i did my best He will be happy with me. I only hope that i make it through and dont get counted out because of a medical reason or some other reason. I have a strong will and strong support from Him and i know without a doubt that He will be there at my graduation come hell or high water. My parents i have no idea, especially with them decided to close on a house the day that i leave (which they chose the date not the bank for those who know how this process works).
    Today was amazing and i wouldnt change it for all the money in the world. I find myself soaking up the little things about Him from the way He makes me laugh to just watching Him sleep when i get that rare opportunity. This being said because He is usually the one up way before me. I cant believe how much i am already thinking about missing His smile or even His stern look letting me know i'm in trouble. It's weird because the more i try not to think about me leaving, i find myself thinking about leaving even more. I just cant believe that i'm leaving in a few days. It's going to be a major change for sure, but im ready for it with Him by side and there for me every step of the way. Besides i'm excited to look for that first actual apartment after i get out of my tech school at my first base. I'm hoping to get a base somewhere in the south close to Him, but who knows. Its the luck of the draw and i guess im hoping to get lucky. The good thing is that He has told me He will go with me as long as it's not at certain places which makes it even better to me. I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life and hopefully my parents will either want to be a part of it and realize that i'm no longer a child or they wont be in my life anymore.
   Oh, the other good news was i talked to my sister yesterday. I'm so excited to be an aunt again and just cant wait for that baby to be here. I wont get to see the baby until a few weeks after it's born because she's not allowing anyone there for the first couple weeks so the two of them can have time with the baby. I understand this because when she had my niece, my mother took the baby from her and was doing things like the first bath and everything. I understand she was trying to help, but she should have let my sister do those things. So i totally understand where she's coming from. I am so proud of my sister and cant wait to see where her future goes.
   Well, all my musings for the day are over. My thoughts now are on what He got as ideas from checking out Spanking tube and what the jeep is selling for down the street. I really do want a jeep and if i might be able to work something out (highly doubt it, but hey its worth a shot) and it would also give Him a way home and He could drive the jeep around while i'm in basic and bring it when i graduate tech school. That would be so awesome and id die if it actually was possible but who knows. I might see if He wants to make a trip down the road to see about a jeep for sale or at least make a phone call :D

Monday, June 21, 2010

A song of My lil one

 you know that you are always My kind of crazy

She says
"Look baby I'm a rock star"
Grabs my old guitar
Playin' it upside down
Dancin' around
In front of our tv

I can't see the ballgame
So I just wave my lighter and say
Yeah, rock on baby
I'd rather watch you anyway

But when you're done
Can I come backstage
And get you to sign your name
On that zeppelin shirt of mine you're wearin'
I'll never wash that thing again

Yeah and she's my kinda crazy
The little games she plays
Lord they'll never get old
She's too cute to get on my last nerve
The way she throws her little fits

Pokin' out her lip and bitin' mine when we kiss
There ain't a fight that she can't win
That's my baby
And she's my kinda crazy

You ought to see her in my pickup
She's gotta have that radio up
Bless her heart, she can't sit still
Head in my lap, bare feet on the windshield
Says, C'mon baby let me drive

Now honey it's a stick shift
Remember what you did last time

She never let's me rest
She keeps me up all night
Known to roll me off the bed
And steal the covers off my side

But I hear, "Wake up sleepy head"
And I open up my eyes
And it's all worth the while

That's my baby
And she's my kinda crazy

Faithfully by Journey

For My wonderful lil one while she is gone to basic to serve this great country:

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
Your're on my mind
Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love
Along the wire
They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line
It's been you and me
And lovin' a music man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh, girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours - faithfully
Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh, girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours - faithfully
Oh, oh, oh, oh -
Faithfully, I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
Ever yours - faithfully

Musings as we head down the road.....

   It seems that my day can be going fine and dandy but in an instant can get bad. I thought I was being good but today just wasn't my day again. I find myself in trouble yet again today,but more for my sassy attitude then anything.
   On top of being in trouble and facing punishment tonight, I am still reeling from lunch with my mother. I can't believe how it seemed to go well, but she was telling me what to do again and He saw that. Thankfully He was able to hold His tongue because He was the better person here. Lunch aggravated me slightly but I got to see my mother.
   Lunch consisted of her spending the entire time talking to me for the most part. She barely tried getting to know Him which upset me because she claims she wants to know what's going on in my life, but when given chance to know does nothing. She told me no way was I to even think about marriage and had already decided they were taking my car and keeping it for themselves when I leave,without my choice on if I was keeping it and putting it in my name. The bad part was when she said I was spoiled rotten.
   I couldn't believe all she had said and who was she to tell me to not even think about marriage or assume that we would be having a long distance relationship. The crazy, but good thing is He knew what to expect and handled things amazingly. I probably would have become so mad at her if He hadn't been there. She even asked us if we thought this long distance thing would work out, but if she wanted to know her answer is in where I have been the past month....Hmmm where was I at? His house spending time with Him. I hate to seem like I gripe and complain a lot about them, but still being under their control with the car the last string I feel torn and just trapped. Thankfully He has been there through the tears and anger and frustration to help me get back to being rational again.
   I have a new happy note though! I can't believe that my sis is pregnant! I'm going to be an aunt again. I'm so excited for her more then anything because she has tried and had so many problems in trying to have another child. I couldn't be any happier for her and her husband. I know she has a long road ahead of her, but I know she'll do everything to make sure this baby makes it safe and sound into this world. The bad thing is yet again my parents who are two faced about my sister and her amazing news. Oh well she has told them her thoughts on their relationship with her. I'm the last one that needs to do so.
   After that good news all that's left is thoughts of my upcoming major life change. I know the military owns you for some time, but I doubt they'll own me like He does at least. I'm finding myself more nervous about if I'm ready or just nervous thoughts about making it through. I know it will be hard and tough,but I refuse to give up and disappoint Him. I guess its more nervous because I'll be leaving behind all I know and creating a new life for myself, with Him included.
   Well enough sad thoughts. I'll have enough being sad tonight when I face my punishment for my sassy mouth today. I realized just how much I'll miss His cuteness and how He sings along with the radio with me or just riding around with my feet on the dashboard and Him driving. His smile makes me light up and giggle just like His "look" can make me stop and shiver up because I know what it means. There is so much I'm going to miss about Him and I hope He knows just how much I love Him. He's the only one that has stood to fight in my corner before and I know I'd be lost if it wasn't for Him. The poem below is how much I love Him and wish time to fly by after Monday til I'm back in His arms again.

When I first met You my heart melted from that gorgeous smile and accent,
You were the southern guy I had dreamed to find all my life,
Your charming smile and accent made me fall in love with You,
Unable to resist Your charm I fall more and more in love everyday.

You were my Master from the beginnig I just didn't know it yet,
For those eyes captured me and my heart felt like it'd explode,
I am so happy to be Your lil one I just can't think of how to explain it,
I know I love You so much and those feelings only continue to grow.

I love you baby and will miss Your smile and beautiful eyes,
Those eyes full of wonder and a hint of danger when I crossed the line,
But in them I see nothing but love and compassion even when I am wrong,
For Your lil one is always safest right there in Your arms.

Heart pounding so fast I hear it in my ears,
I wonder if Your heartbeat is the same as mine,
For true love its said the two hearts beat as one,
Knowing the song the other's heart sings.

You knew the song my heart was singing deep inside though it was low,
Listening You slowly sang Your song to me as I wept my tears of joy,
For the two songs were in reality one and the same between us,
I cried for that was how You knew my thoughts and emotions so well.

My training started and I was weary at first but definitely jumped in,
Your loving and safe arms would protect me along my long journey,
Slowly we grew as the days went by as we learned more about the other,
I was Yours and it didn't take long for me to adapt to life by Your side. 

Lessons were learned as my stubborn side came out,
Standing there I felt Your firm hand to guide me,
Reassuring me I was going to be okay but had done wrong,
For Your hand ruled fair and strong dealing out the licks one by one.

I have grown so much with You and that I can see now,
Not knowing what the future holds is a scary thought for me,
You reassure me though I'll be better the more I grow,
As more lessons are learned and new things found about myself today.

Stepping forward into the future scares me and You know this thought so well,
Pledging to stay beside me the whole way Your hand links with mine,
Fingers interlocked a symbol to me our future is now entertwined,
I only hope to make You proud but as long as I'm Yours all is well to me.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Everyone has their day....well today just wasnt mine

  These past two days have been nothing but crazy for me. I cant believe just how crazy yesterday and today have been with hanging out with people and just experience things. We are spending a lot of time together and just enjoying every moment we can because I leave here in a couple days. I still cant believe that I leave in about a week’s time. Craziness for sure…pure craziness.
    Well yesterday was a long day, but it started with more internet problems. We were having small internet problems off and on all weekend and finally got the internet back yesterday afternoon. It was crazy because it was off like someone had unhooked the internet because of the couple storms we were having and all. It sucked not having internet, but we made the best of it. It was crazy because He had decided we were going to spend the night with His family. I was hesitant about this because I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to be sleeping, but at the same time it was whatever He wanted to do. I knew that if we went there that I probably wouldn’t get any sleep after He mentioned we’d be sleeping in separate rooms. I would normally be okay with sleeping in separate rooms and I can be apart from Him, but sleeping I have gotten so used to sleeping with Him right there. He has been there every night and I’m so used to falling asleep with His arms around me and His kisses.
    Anyways, back to the night. It was so good because we went to His family’s place and they fed us some good southern cooking. I call myself a true southern girl because I have lived in the south all my life that I can remember (since I was 4 though). It’s all I remember and I love country. I couldn’t be anything but country anyways. Well, we had some turnip greens and rice and homemade gravy and country fried steak. It was so good and the steak wasn’t homemade, but it was still so good. Lightly breaded and just oh so good. :p yum…mouth watering now. I have never had turnip greens and what can I say, but they were amazing. I cant quite pin just what the taste was, but it was so good.
    After an amazing dinner, we relaxed and watched tv. I was amazingly right because I didn’t sleep at all. It took me forever to fall asleep and I couldn’t believe it. I lay awake watching tv and just trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, but I just couldn’t get comfortable in the huge bed that I was sleeping in and His arms weren’t around me. I figured it was a good way to test to see if I could fall asleep without Him there. I finally managed to fall asleep, but it was more of an exhausted sleep to where I was just so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. This morning’s wake up was so amazing. I woke up off and on, not really being able to sleep very well once I fell into an exhausted sleep. He came into the room and woke me up tickling, which most mornings I don’t like too much because its like an abrupt tickling. This morning was different because I had missed Him last night. He tickled me and kissed me as I tried curling up into a ball to get away from His tickling.
    This morning started off rough though from having little sleep and just not really being awake. I’m not much of a morning person, although I have a feeling this will change after basic is over. I just wasn’t awake and it usually takes me a good bit to wake up. Anyways, we left and headed to church this morning. It was hilarious because the baby His family keeps was sitting with us in church. I find it funny because He laughs at me because I think all babies are cute and when I see them, I usually want to hold them or just play with them. I’m someone who loves children, but I know at this time in my life I cant have any yet. It’s okay…I love playing with babies as it is.  It was funny because the baby let out this ridiculously loud burp towards the end of church when it was so quiet. The two of us just looked at each other and laughed because it was just dead quiet when she did it and it wasn’t the loud type of burp you would expect from a baby this size.
    Well the bad thing was that on the way to church I got myself in trouble. I was still half asleep and not really awake. I also forgot my place for a small part of the day, which I don’t think I truly forgot it. I just got absentminded for just a little bit and popped off a smart comment. He wanted me to get rid of His gum, which I was getting rid of mine too, but I popped off that He didn’t have any cars on His side of the road so He should throw it out that side because I had cars coming on my side. Well it wasn’t so much the comment, but He had asked me to do something and I popped off with a flat out no. I didn’t think about it, but with me telling Him to throw it out the window on His side because I didn’t want to do it. It was basically me throwing His authority out the window and forgetting my place. I know that my being tired isn’t an excuse, but still it sucks that I could do something like that. I have been so good, but to get in trouble like this sucks.
    After getting home from the amazing lunch we had, which was amazingly good because it was home cooked country food, the two of us lounged around a lot. I couldn’t believe it, but when the two of us are together and alone it seems He loves to tease me and keep me on the edge. I found myself being teased closer and closer, but being denied over and over again. He knows just How to tease me and keep me going and on the edge. I was finally able to cum after about 4 to 5 times of being teased to the brink. It felt so amazing with His hands in me because I had missed Him and His arms all around me last night. It felt so good and I know tonight is probably going to be fun. It was crazy because things got even more heated and He had me on my back sucking His cock. I don’t know why but I love doing this because I know it makes Him happy. He was asking me if I was His slut and all I could do was nod my head yes. I love Him and I love being able to make Him cum every time because it means that I’m pleasuring Him. It was crazy to me though that I wouldn’t take offense to this word. If it had been said under any other context, I would have thought it was disgusting that I was being called a slut. However, when its said by Him it takes on a whole new meaning.
    After the events today, I have a feeling the punishment tonight might leave me with marks on my butt and it will probably be hard to sit down. I havent gotten in trouble a lot lately, but it seems that I have been pushing buttons a little bit lately. I feel bad that I have done it, but I guess I was getting too comfortable and this is a way of reminding me of where I stand. I understand that sometimes people can stray and apparently I have strayed. I remember it, but it seems I have gotten too comfortable with where I stand and my place. I just hope that today isn’t too bad, but oh well it’s my lesson to learn and I’ll learn it.
    I look forward to tomorrow, but am somewhat hesitant about it tomorrow. He gets to meet my mother which should be interesting to say the least. I'll just say her and my dad are a bit two faced. They appear one way to people's faces and turn around and talk about them behind their backs. I cant believe that they do things like that, but oh well. I really dont care whether they like Him or not because i love Him and that will never change. With how my parents are, their opinion does but doesnt matter to me. I feel the same way about them as He does too. Oh well, i guess we will find out tomorrow.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

New lesson...New Day

Today has been another day of nothing out of the ordinary really,but that is how I prefer my days to be. We didn't do anything other then relax and hang out,but in my opinion that is the best thing ever. I love the days where its the little moments that we spend together.
Last night was amazing, but I felt bad because yet again I fell asleep on Him before Whose Line Is It Anyway was even over with. It was crazy because I don't know why I felt so tired with waking up around 1130ish yesterday. Who knows, but I hope thid cycle doesn't continue because it could mean a bad sign of my sickness coming back. Although I wouldn't think so because its more relaxing down here then stressful. I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing, especially since He isn't worrying. If He was worrying, then I would start getting worried.
I woke up this morning late,but I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep because of my bad dreams. It seems bad dreams are becoming more prevalent for me but I think this is because my leave date is fast approaching now. I can't believe I only have a week left with Him before I leave for two months. It was weird though because my dream was about my parents coming to steal my car. I know this wouldn't happen and especially not with Him around. I know both of us will be glad when they are out of my life and quit trying to know my every waking move.
That leads to the new part about my family. If you notice me talking about them and mostly in bad terms its not because I hate them,but more because they are the overbearing and controlling parents wanting to know everything I do and who I'm hanging out with. I love them but with me being 20 they don't need to know all that goes on in my life. There is are certain things I know they should know that I'm happy and not being hurt by anyone. Although with them it doesn't work because they still have to know everything. I wish I could tell them I don't appreciate the things they're doing and how they treat me. I just can't do it yet but the funny thing is when He meets them and they act a different way He will know otherwise.
Anyways, that's enough venting on my parents. I could do more but I won't. Well today I learned something reading another subs blog. It was crazy because I saw a dilemma she was having. I'm not making any judgements but I realized that doubting myself if it were to happen could be disastrous. I could never doubt Him or His decisions. I don't think I could ever doubt myself either. I realized that by doubting yourself you are in essence doubting Him too. I think that when you become a sub or slave in this lifestyle, the decisions made are no longer yours to make. Depending on which you are you may influence it, but you won't make it. The Master or Dom are the one who makes the final decision. By doubting yourself even if its minor such as was that right or more or less, you are questioning Him and His judgements and actions.
I personally hope that I never do this. I know I will have thoughts of if I did something how He wanted it done, but never to where it would fall under me questioning His judgement or decision. I know that no matter what His judgments will always be in my best interest and He would never do anything to hurt me or cause me any kind of harm job or family relationship wise. I am glad that I read about this from someone else, but feel bad that the sub was in this dilemma.
The rest of today flew by with us grabbing food. I can't believe how much I ate either. I never ate an entire footlong from subway before but lately since I've been staying with Him. Its crazy because I don't think I'm that hungry but I guess my body is saying otherwise. It was cool eating it though cause He always makes sure I have enough to eat.
Later in the day we cleaned out my car. I get to tell my parents they can sell it as soon as I leave. I'm excited because its the last thing they have over me! I can't wait lol. It was crazy cleaning it out though because it meant the next stage of my life was coming really soon. I'm ready and nervous about leaving for basic. The good thing is that it puts us at a good place in life, I have a steady job and the two of us will be together. I'm happy and ready for the time to come and be over with so I'm back in His arms.
The nerves are starting to get to me but I know it all will be over with soon. Knowing I have Him standing behind me supporting me in this endeavor is amazing. I know despite my family not always being supportive that Him and His family will always be there for me and happy with what I'm doing. Oh well another day and a few more lessons to be learned. So I guess until tomorrow then.....

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Something weighing on my mind lately

   Communication is one of the single most important things i have found lately. It's crazy that it has been on my mind for the past couple days. I have come to realize that communication isnt just about the right word being said at the right time or even the wrong thing said at the wrong time. It's also about how things are conveyed and interactions in our world with people day to day. I guess this is what has led me to feel like i've been struggling lately.
   The past few days i have felt that i have struggled to adequately communicate to Him just what i was looking for or needing or even feeling In my world i have been through so much hurt and pain and just have become so used to hiding everything. With Him, things are different because i am encouraged to be open and completely honest with Him and if i dont like something or i would like more of something to let Him know. I find that i have struggled with this because i am not used to having anyone there for me at all. Since i could remember i have always had to take care of myself even at a young age. I know this has affected me and im trying to overcome it and work with Him on it, but sometimes i feel that i'm doing so horrible in doing as He asks. It blows my mind a million times at just how patient and understanding He is. He encourages me in little ways and somehow seems to have a sixth sense as to when i'm feeling like i'm failing in everything (although im thinking that all Masters have some sort of sixth sense or at least the really good ones).
   On the communication side of my life, i realize there is still a lot of work to be done. Areas are still being struggled with on how to express myself or that it is okay to say things. Earlier today, my Master was trying to get me (and did with a little bit of coaxing) to say what i liked about what i was doing to Him and His body. It took every bit of me to tell Him what i liked because i had been taught it was wrong to say things like that and had lived such a sheltered life. I find it hard to come right out and say what i want or i beat around the bush, hoping the hint will be caught on because that is how i got by on taking care of myself. It is amazing the changes He has helped produce in me. I feel that there are things that i'm able to admit that i never would have been able to before, but a part of me is still nervous about saying things. I know in this lifestyle, you cant really be shy but it is still in my nature to be shy and try to protect myself. However, He is helping me overcome this feeling of always having to protect myself from others in case they do something to hurt me. I only hope that i can effectively let Him know what i want like when i crave Him being more strict or want to try other things. He cant know what i want unless i tell Him and im realizing that now.
   The other side of the communication for me has to do with my family. I havent had a lot of issues with them in the past, but it seems the closer i get to being independent from my parents and more working on my own life that they bear down on me. Lately the parents have taken to throwing it in my face that i am spending more time with Him then them. Here lies the dilemma because when i lived about forty five minutes from them and went out of my way to see them, they claim that i never spent enough time with them. I think with this, there is a failure to adequately communicate with them as to how things they do make me feel. I know that the day i leave, my parents will probably find themselves with a nasty letter to read. I dont mean it to be this way, but the years of having to take care of myself and do everything on my own have taken its toll. I am so grateful to have a Master as patient as He is because i truly would not be able to say as clearly what im feeling now.
   It seems that life for me has always been filled of its ups and downs but i have noticed that lately most of the downs have been from a miscommunication on my part. I said something the wrong way or havent said anything at all. I know that my personal goal as of today is to work at being able to say what i mean or what i want without being afraid of judgment. I know that it will take a little while, but with Him by my side i know that i can do it.
   The other thing that i have thought about lately (and its amazing the feedback i have been getting from Him on it) is going back to school. I know that once i make it through basic and my job training that i will be eligible and have time to go back to school. I wont be able to go back for up to a year after i start basic. It was amazing though talking about possible career opportunities and hearing for the first time what He feels would be best for me. He encourages me to do whatever it is that i want to, but with me leaning towards the medical field...i have a strong suggestion to become an RN. I'm not totally sure about that, but if He feels that i can make it i know i can. It's amazing to have a feeling of someone believing in me and proud of me always no matter what i do. In the past, my parents questioned my judgments and even talked to each other about how they werent proud of me and that was the worst feeling in the world. It's crazy how my views have shifted and the only person i truly care about pleasing anymore is the only one that matters....my Master and the one person i love that has been there from the beginning.
   I guess enough of getting sentimental on here, but I really am so grateful to have in my life and as my Master. I trust Him beyond a doubt and He knows me so well. It's crazy just how well He knows me and knows just what to say when. When i'm upset or mad at the world, He is the only one able to calm me down, reassure me, and even keep me from going off the deep end and losing my temper. I love Him so much and it's getting harder to not think about leaving Him in two weeks. I know it will be so hard when that goodbye finally comes, but knowing He will be there on graduation day makes it that much more easier. I know i have a lot to work on, but i cant wait to see where i am with Him after i graduate. Until then, im cherishing every minute with my Master and best friend. I only hope that i can do well for Him despite all my worries and up/down emotions and that He can tell i'm trying my best to be the best lil one for Him. 

A few words from the heart of lil one's Master

         I wanted to let My lil one know that she is an amazing girl and I cant wait to see what else our lives have in store. I know these past few days have been tough with all these emotions and the nervousness of leaving but I just want to let you know that you are always in My heart and I know that you will do great!! I feel like I can never truly express how much you mean to Me. If we can make it through the rough times with family I know we can make it through anything!! Relaxing with you in My arms makes all the world feel right even with all the crazy things that get thrown in your face! I am happy that you have submitted to Me in every way! I love you lil one and I always will!!

Love Master R

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Being a woman makes for a very thoughtful day

  Today has been an amazing day and i cant believe just how well it has gone by. I must admit though that it seems like my mind has been elsewhere. I dont know if its the extra hormones racing through my body talking or just my own thoughts, but it seems ive been thinking about a lot lately.
    I found myself waking up to Him snuggling beside me. I love waking up to seeing Him smiling down at me. It seemed to me that today was going to be another awesome day! We snuggled together because after the past couple days of running around, the only running around that was going to be done was going to lunch with family and picking up my medicine. That was it because we had done so much running around. I woke up and for some reason, despite being a little more hormonal then usual, i seemed hyper. I took a shower and it felt good actually. After last night, i was proud to see that i hadnt gained any weight as well. I'm not usually concerned about my weight, but for some reason i have become a little more self conscious about it lately.
    The next part of our day began with us heading out to grab some lunch with the family. Its a little thing that is done every week and im glad because i love hanging out with them because they make the two of us laugh. It was hilarious because at one point during lunch, His brother's girl told His brother "yes, Master" to something he had said. He busted out laughing, although it wasnt like extreme laughter but He was laughing at this comment and the two of them couldnt even begin to figure out why He was laughing. I found it hilarious, but i kept a straight face not wanting to give anything away. All i could do was look over at Him a couple times and smile thinking "if they only knew".
    After lunch, we thanked his grandpa who paid and headed back home. It was a yummy lunch and i was stuffed to the extreme. It was crazy because i was in the munchy mood, but i was also full. I hate this time of the month because it makes me crave weird things and act so weird. I find myself thinking on things more then usual or i find myself getting frustrated or upset easier. In all honesty, if He hadnt been in the car last night i possibly would have been spouting off some not so nice or pretty words for a lady to say. I have somewhat of a temper on me (runs in my family that we have big tempers) and i was highly upset at how close the cars were getting. Well anyways...we got home and relaxed.
    I found myself in a thoughtful mood this afternoon and i didnt really know why. It was like i had a sudden craving to look up more about the lifestyle and learn more. I didnt think that i was doing well or that i was keeping Him happy enough. He had been quiet and was laying there watching tv. For me, when He gets quiet it scares me in all honesty because it makes me feel like im in trouble or i've done something wrong. I asked Him quite a few times to make sure He was feeling okay or that He was okay in general and both times i was told that He was fine. To me, i felt that maybe i had done something wrong and that He was just being quiet to take some time to think. I get real self conscious sometimes and i'm wondering if my extra hormones have more to do with it now. Who knows, but it was crazy that i found myself with these mixture of feelings earlier today.
     Before too long, the computer was shut on me. I guess this was His way of telling me to get off the computer, by simply shutting it and pulling me closer to Him. I like snuggling with Him, especially around this time because it totally reassures me that im still loved. I am not normally one that is so self-conscious but for some reason these past couple days i have found myself thinking i wasnt doing anything well enough or i wasnt doing something right. I was trying to do my best and not argue or anything, but i felt i was messing up on this simple thing to do. It was amazing though as He pulled me close to Him because we snuggled together. I love snuggling with Him no matter what because either way im close and right next to Him.
    As we were snuggling, He happened to be flipping through the channels and found a movie coming on that i hadnt seen in years (probably since i was like 8 or 9). 101 Dalmations was coming on and what can i say, im a big Disney kid. It was all i was really able to watch growing up anyways. I was what you'd call a sheltered child growing up. It was amazing watching it and the two of us laughed at it. I cant believe that even after all the years since ive seen it that i still remembered the names of the dogs---Dipstick, Pongo, Perdita, Lucky...Wow weird, even when i name them here.
   Things in the afternoon got a little bit heated when i found my hand travelling to his shorts. I cant believe that i am comfortable enough to massage Him, but then again He has brought me so far out of my shell that i dont really recognize the girl that i used to be anymore. I love the changes...but anyways back to this afternoon. After a few minutes of my hand playing with Him, i found myself being place in a position to use my mouth. I still cant believe how much i like doing this for Him, but i know it feels good to Him and brings pleasure to Him. I was doing the best i could but before too long, He moved me to where i was laying on my back and He was able to control how i pleasured Himself with my mouth. I honestly like when this happens for some reason, it makes me feel that much more helpless knowing i cant move away and that He is getting pleasure out of it. It was amazing the reaction i had (and still cant believe that both times i have been asked this how i responded) when He asked me if i wanted my Master's cum. It was like i craved it and wanted it and all i could do was shake my head as big as could be "yes" that i wanted it. It was like i needed to have it and i got it after a couple seconds. He asked me before i was able to taste His cum if His slut wanted His cum and i found myself nodding my head strongly "yes" yet again. These reactions really do surprise me.
    After that, i found myself on the brink of coming close to an orgasm for the second time. He had been playing with me off and on all day and within a few minutes i was allowed to cum. I had to beg for it first though, but it felt so amazing. I have to admit though that i dont know if it is the extra hormones for right now or not, but i feel so much more aroused then usual. It's like i couldnt get enough of His touch earlier, but between Him being sick before and then i started my period, it seems that i havent felt His touch in a little while. Im not totally sure because this is all new to me, but i love this urge and desire. It's like i cant get enough of Him and i need more. Is it just me or is this usual for this time? I just wish there was more i could do right now, but such is life. Ugh, the evilness of mother nature and her ill timing.
    On top of my craving for Him and His touch and just everything to do with that, i find myself with a huge craving for more knowledge. It's like i want more things to learn or a long session that goes on. I just cant figure out really what i want, but there's so many things that i want to try. They vary from wanting to try more of what its like to be gagged to more of being tied and helpless. I know some of these are variant on situations and times that they happen, but its like im craving something. I'm not sure what im craving, but im curious. Its like i want more, just dont know how to ask for it or even if i should ask for it. I'm new to this whole thing and not sure what is allowed and what isnt. I mean i know there is no such thing as a stupid or pointless question with Him because He encourages me to ask Him anything...its just i dont know about protocols on wanting to try more things and just that desire for more.
   I know lately my pain threshold has been increased from the past two spankings ive received. It seems that after them, my butt only stays sore for a day, maybe two tops. I crave learning something more about myself like what i learned from the spankings, but i dont think i am craving another spanking. They hurt like really bad, but at the same time i like them if that makes sense. I dont think i get turned on by the spankings, but its like i find myself learning something about myself and how much pain i can handle from them. I guess looking back on this, it makes me realize that what i crave is maybe learning something more about myself. I know that i must have patience, but with the lousiness from all these hormones in me, maybe learning something else about myself might help. I know im not the one that makes these types of decisions, but i know that He has a plan in His head on what He wants me to learn. I guess for now i get to work on learning patience---the hardest thing ever for me to learn.
       Today has been just a crazy day full of lots of thoughts and a curiosity that is burning even still. I find myself thinking that anything He does stops me from thinking on my cramps or just distracts me from the thoughts of im not good enough or doing things right. I wonder if ill learn anything between now and when mother nature decides to take away this curse. Oh well, such is life and if i have to im willing to wait, but i have to bet that i will be even more aroused between now and then or thats just all the extra hormones i have now creating that reaction in me like today. I cant wait to see whats in store tomorrow....meeting with the recruiter and He gets to meet part of my family. That should be interesting to talk about tomorrow. Until then, I need to find some tylenol and some sugar and curl up in a ball til these cramps disappear.

Two of Masters favorite things

The Belt..some thoughts...and an amazing laser show

   Today was one of the best days ever! I cant believe that everything that happens like it has today. It was weird because not a lot happened, but i find myself thinking that a lot did. It's either because i learned a few things about myself today or i did a few things or both combined. I'm not sure, but oh well either way today had so many things happening.
  I have to admit that last night was amazing. It was so much fun snuggling and cuddling with him while getting ready for bed. We were watching tv, when all of a sudden i was surprised yet again. I was being playful and pretending to hide from Him when He sat up. I thought maybe i had made Him mad by being playful and hiding again, but i was wrong. I hadnt made Him mad, but He had chosen an ample opportunity to surprise me and give me the spanking He had talked about earlier in the day. I was in shock as He rolled me over and pulled me into His lap. I was thinking He was just being playful and going to give me a couple smacks and it would be over with, but i was wrong. The hits came down and got steadily harder. After a few seconds, my pants were pulled down and more barehanded hits rained down on me.
   I felt myself squirming and trying to get away from His grip, but i couldnt get away. He knew me well enough to know that once it got to a certain point i would try and stop the spanking. I did try and stop the spanking, but with my hand pinned in the small of my back and the other arm pinned beneath me by body weight, there was little i could do except squirm. I tried moving my body from side to side, but this only worked for a couple minutes. He had me pinned again in between His arms as more hits rained down. After what felt like an eternity to me, He got up and i let out a sigh of relief thinking it was over.
   Well, oddly enough He has a way of surprising me and yet again here was another one......the spanking wasnt over yet. He was grabbing the belt. I heard it come out of the drawer and my stomach sank. That sound let me know it wasnt over yet. I heard the belt being raveled because i couldnt see because my head was still hidden face down in the sheets. I found myself holding my hand over my mouth to keep from crying out as i felt the blows from the belt rain down. They traded from side to side, sometimes hitting one side two or three times and then moving across. It seemed there was no order, He was just making sure to hit evenly. I couldnt believe it and the pain in my butt was slowly growing. I began squirming more and more and was getting to the point of not being able to handle the pain. It was then He took a break and the hits became more and more spaced out. I heard Him say i only had three more left. I braced myself and held my hand hard across my mouth, refusing to let any sound get out...i shuddered as i felt the last three blows hit me, but thankfully it was over.
    I can honestly say that i cant believe just what happened with the way i felt about the spanking, but then again i should stop being surprised by everything. It was like my body hated the spanking because it hurt, but at the same time i liked it because it allowed me to find out something about myself. I thought that i would have a low pain tolerance, but the past couple spankings have shown me that i can take more then i thought possible. I surprise myself everyday with everything that He is teaching me, but i know that i also still have a lot more to learn. It's crazy how something so little like a spanking can put a new perspective on things. Oh well, such is life....you learn things from weird sources.
    After the spanking was over, i lay there as He slowly massaged and rubbed my sore and aching butt. It wasnt really aching, more like burning. He got up and left the room and had only covered me with the blanket. Well, since i hadnt been told i could get up or move really, i lay there. I didnt want to get into any trouble that would cause me to get another spanking or anything worse. I'm not totally sure what worse could be, but with evil ideas lurking about im sure there is something more evil.
   Anyways....after a few minutes He came back with some ice. I heard the sound of the ice in the cup and i sighed with relief. I was thinking it was going to be used on my burning butt to soothe it and all would be well, lol I was wrong again. It seemed i was on a roll that night. That ice led to some wild fun and i'll just say my torture of being held off all day had worked its magic. Within minutes i was already begging Him to allow me to cum. It's torture when He tells me no, but i know its His way of asserting His control (well one of the many ways at least). After a few no's i was finally allowed to cum and boy did it feel so good. :) I honestly dont think of myself as a constantly horny person, but His touch is like fire or something to me.
   The night ended the same as it does every night, the two of us falling asleep in each others arms. I love these moments the best because it reassures me all the time that no matter what i am always His lil one. I know that i am anyways, but its another reassurance to me. After falling asleep in His arms, this mornings wake up call couldnt get any better. I woke up to His kisses and Him smiling down at me. I love it when He wakes me up with His kisses, although i think in the future i'm going to try and wake up before Him so i can wake Him up. I feel bad and that things are reversed and that im supposed to be the one waking Him up and not Him waking me up. Oh well, like i've said i'm slowly learning.
    The day started out amazing with the two of us showering as usual and getting ready for the day. I was super excited for tonight because i couldnt wait to see what my surprise was that He was taking me to. He's an amazing Master and loves surprising me at random moments. Tonight was no difference. Anyways, we headed out to Wal-Mart to try and take His broken gps back. Well, that was an epic fail on my part, but i know for sure that when i go back home we can take it back there. After stopping there, we headed back to the house and i got a piece of cake. Its weird and i honestly hate being a girl sometimes and craving random things. Not to gross anyone out (but then again it is a part of life) but i tend to crave a lot of sweets while i'm on my period.
    Which on that topic, i just have to say on a side note that i am glad that He is my Master and in charge of me. The normal PMS moments that hit most women are kept in check. I know that i will have most of the symptoms like the cravings and the bloating and all, but the arguing and just being completely witchy i know wont fly one bit with Him. It doesnt matter who i am with, i know He expects me to act like a lady at all times and to watch my mouth and temper. This means NO EXCUSES when it comes to my mouth or going off and things like that. I like it though because it prevents me from flying off the handle and teaches me a good bit more self control. Self control is something that i will definitely need to have with my job, but with Him i really have to have it because i'm sure that if i dont watch myself that i can find myself in deep trouble and quite possibly with no way to speak/argue with Him for a little while.
    Okay off that wild tangent now. I had an amazing piece of cake and we finished watching the world cup and headed off to where my surprise was. Before talking about my surprise, let me just say that the US vs. England matched sucked. US should have won it, but they have the worse ball control ever. Oh well, better luck next time is all i can say. Back to the surprise....we drove around town and it wasnt long before we got to where i didnt recognize anything of where i was at. He laughed at me and said it was good that i had no clue where i was because then it meant it was still a surprise. We ended up heading out to Stone Mountain Park. I admit that when we pulled up, i was curious because i had no idea what this place was, but it didnt matter because i was spending time with Him.
   We got in there and spread the blankets out in this huge field and He told me my surprise wouldnt come until later. Looking at the huge field, i honestly thought maybe it was going to be a concert. Never did i think that it was going to be a laser show. It was the most spectacular thing ever and it was so amazing. I cant believe that He surprised me with something so special as that. We were able to have a pretty awesome time together laying under the stars, watching the sunset, and even watching the laser show.
    Today was so amazing that I wouldnt change it for all the money in the world. It was so amazing and special and it showed me just how much He cared about me to do something like that. It was so much fun and i loved spending all that time with Him. I cant wait to see if there are more surprises in store, but either way i know He loves me so much and i cant wait to walk hand in hand with Him into the future. Who knows what tomorrow has in store for us, but either way i know it will be something good with Him there by my side.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

A few words from lil one's Master

I don't get on here and write very often but I will be on when I have something to say! I don't write as much as My lil one does but I will write what is in My heart! I have to start out by saying that I have the best submissive in the whole world. She still has a lot to learn but going through this life hand and hand we will make it through. I have to say that she knows how to treat Me right even when she doesn't think that she is! These past two months have been so amazing and I have never truly felt this way about a girl! I love how she looks when she is laying on My chest looking into My eyes! I can't wait to grow closer and to make our way through this world.

Master R

Friday, June 11, 2010

Nothing like a relaxing day with your favorite person

   Today has been amazing and absolutely wonderful all in one. There were so many good things that i wouldnt pass up from today. I'm also glad that He is feeling better too. He got a lot of sleep last night and everything seems to be working its way out. This makes me happy that He's not sick anymore or feeling horrible.
    I woke up this morning before Him, which is unusual. Most mornings He is up and wide awake long before i am. However today, it was turned around. We passed out last night after getting home from the Brantley Gilbert concert last night. Both of us sweated so much in that little club, we had to have lost a ton of weight. It was hot, but worth it because Brantley Gilbert is an awesome singer and was so nice. We got front row seats and ended up shaking hands with him (more like exchanging sweat because his hands were so sweaty from it being so hot) towards the end of the night. I loved it and every song he sang was amazing. My favorite one, Whenever We're Alone, wasnt sung though but im not complaining because the concert was still good. He was a very good singer and shocked me when i heard him talk because his singing voice and the way he talks are so different. It's kind of like how Keith Urban talks one way and sings another, its awesome! It was funny though because part way through the night a girl tried grabbing his hat and he gave her this ultimate evil look. It was the equivalent to him saying "dont you dare try to touch my hat again!". I couldnt believe it, but i know its a southern guy thing to not mess with their hats. The only person that can wear them or touch them is usually their girl (i know this from personal experience with His favorite hat that is guarded with my life when i wear it or is with me).
    The two of us slept so well and didnt wake up til about 1230ish today. I couldnt believe that i got as much sleep as i did, but after checking the time it was like i couldnt sleep any longer. I grabbed the remote to turn on the tv and accidentally woke him up. This started the day and it was going to be a great one i knew. He pulled me to Him and we snuggled together and watched tv for a while. It was amazing because before too long i felt His hands begin to roam. I didnt know where they were going to go, but in all honesty i was hoping theyd go for certain places. Sure enough they did, i found myself asking for permission to cum after only a few minutes. I couldnt believe it took so little time, but with Him being sick the past couple days i havent really felt His touch or Him playing with me for a little while. It felt good and i craved it, but i knew it was when He wanted to give it to me and not on my terms.
      After waking up a little bit, i was sent out to get lunch. I dont know why but there is something about going out to get food for the both of us or just shopping for the two of us (like so far its been running in to get a drink or just the subway runs). It makes me feel proud because i'm doing something for the two of us and not just myself. It's my way of taking care of Him at the time to make sure i'm getting food for Him and all. I cant describe exactly why it appeals to me so much, but i really do love doing the little things like that. It makes me proud that i can go out and order food or pickup food for the both of us and remember what He likes from extra sauce to a certain drink. I love doing these things for Him.
    We finished up lunch and spent the rest of the day lounging around the house. There were a few more times of me being played with and brought to the brink before being denied. I found myself asking everytime, coming so close to letting go one time, before i let go but i was told no. To me it left me wanting more, but hearing the words no, i couldnt beg. I know from experience that when He says no, more then likely it will be a no if i ask again a few seconds later. Im still learning Him and everything else, but i think thats one thing i have down so far. There are a few times where He surprises me and within a few seconds allows me to, but most times its dragged out---much like today. I admit though that i am in awe of His hands and just how well they can play me and know just what buttons to push on me to get those juices flowing. They are amazing and nobody has ever created these feelings or urges inside me before. I love it and wouldnt want it any other way.
    Today has made me realize that no matter what He does to me or how much i crave something, my pleasure comes through Him and only Him now. I am His to do with as He pleases and if He chooses to not let me cum for a few days, then I am fine with that decision. I may pout a little bit or act upset, but in reality i love that He has this much control over me and what my body does. In all honesty i dont think i could cum without His permission anyways because i have gotten so used to it. I love the little lessons He teaches me everyday, although it may be the same lesson from a previous day but most of the time its taught another way.
    This lifestyle has always been in my thoughts since i could remember and i find myself in shock everyday. I still cant believe that i am so lucky to have found the one person that i love with all my heart and soul and who has become my world. I also find myself in shock that this same person is the same man who controls my body, mind and soul. He is my Master and whatever He says goes no matter what. I love knowing that He is always there for me and makes the decisions in my best interests. Each lesson i learn from Him is a valuable one and brings me deeper into the lifestyle. It's amazing looking back at the shell of a girl i used to be and seeing the woman i have become. There are still many more changes to be made, but i know that it takes time and work. I still have flaws and those will be worked on because this is all new to me, but i know that He is the one with enough patience to calm me when i threaten to go off the deep end or the strong and firm hand to land when i take a step in the wrong direction. I am anxious to see the many more changes that are made, but for now i cant wait to keep learning my lessons.
   Anyways, back to the rest of the day. After spending the afternoon snuggling, we headed out to the store because i was in a baking mood and wanted to make Him a cake. I preferred to make it from scratch, but cost wise it was better to make it from a box. It's all good though because the box tastes just as good as if it was made from scratch. We decided on a strawberry cake with strawberry icing :p (well more He decided but i put the suggestion of chocolate or strawberry). Leaving, I thought we were going to head to the store, but turns out we headed for dinner. I couldnt believe it when He told me the choices---Outback or Red Lobster. He had mentioned that He was going to take me out to a nice dinner because my grandparents didnt do anything special dinner wise like they said i would before i left for basic. It was amazing! I told him Red Lobster because their biscuits are so amazing.....It was a yummy dinner and I thanked Him because i hadnt been there since i was about 16.
   After dinner, we headed to the store to grab some food. All i can say is that when we walked out after checking out the two of us were pissed. It wasnt at each other though, but at how stupid people can be. Someone had parked in the front close to the doors and left their baby in the carseat and the windows of the car down. I thought maybe He was joking when He said that, but passing the car i could see the windows down. I asked Him if He had for sure seen the baby and He said He had. I couldnt believe that someone would be stupid enough to do that to a baby. Not to mention it is illegal. All I can say is i'm glad that i didnt work in that store or something because i would have walked back in and called one of the managers up and had them make some sort of annoucement for this person to go and get their baby. That's one thing that just irks me....but anyways off that topic.
   We headed home and started cooking the cake. It looked amazing and the batter tasted delicious. I have a feeling that when i get a chance to bake some more for Him, i wont be licking the spoon as much as im used to. He wouldnt let me lick it and told me to get out of the batter after i put it in the cake pan (i was licking the spoon i had used to put it in the pan). Oh well, its not really a loss anyways. Before we got home though, i was told that i was possibly going to get a maintenance spanking. I admit that i'm not too sure about it, but if it happens it happens. I'm learning to just go with the flow, but that its important to be reminded of my place even if i have been good. I guess i'll find out later if im getting one or not....
    I am so excited for tomorrow to get here that i just cant wait. I finally get to find out what my surprise is from Him. It will be exciting!!! I dont know what it is, but i'm sure it will be great especially since it is from Him. Oh well, guess its time to finish the rest of the night and see what tomorrow holds in store for me. There is this weekend then i get to see my recruiter monday, that should be fun---not.

Country girl rocking the day away.....

   Yesterday was so much fun that I just cant believe it. I couldnt imagine spending the day any better then I did and I'm glad that He is feeling better. I hate that He wasnt feeling too good the past couple days. Last night though was a night of fun and exhausting, but well worth it.
  The day started off amazing for us. We woke up and snuggled together, waking up and watching tv. I love the little moments like this because it makes everything so worthwhile and it's when i find myself falling in love with Him all over again, especially when He tickles me as a way of waking me up or when im still half asleep pulls me over closer to Him to snuggle on His chest. It's the little things like that which make my heart melt over and over again. It's crazy, but I love it.
    I woke up, but I had been awake since earlier in the morning. Sleep hadnt come easy to me, but i was glad that He got a good night sleep. It wasnt great for Him compared to other nights, but at least He got some compared to the night before. I found myself with my head buried under the pillow for part of the night because His nose made His snoring a little louder. I dont mind it because I can tune it out, but for some reason my brain and mind were wired for sounds. This added onto the fact that i was having bad dreams made for a bad night of sleep. Although I can honestly admit i would do that night all over again because He was able to get a good nights sleep.
    After waking up, the two of us grabbed a shower and cleaned up. I love seeing Him when He comes out of the shower all clean and dressed. He dresses in what people would describe as the preppie look, but it's not really the preppie look if that makes sense. It's a still all His own that He has. I love it and His hat, that I rarely see Him without (because His hat is a part of who He is as a person), just makes it that much hotter to me. Anyways, I better stop while I'm ahead before I start drooling....
   We headed out to start our crazy hectic day. I couldnt believe that tonight we were finally going to see Brantley Gilbert!! This guy is an amazing singer and his songs are so good. We have a song that the two of us love and I was hoping Brantley Gilbert would sing it later tonight. Well, we grabbed some mexican for lunch and boy did it taste good. Neither one of us had eaten there in a while, so i suggested it thinking we should give the other restaurants a break. We werent too hungry either and it would be faster then any other places we went to. It was good and i was happy that He was feeling better today.I hated that He had been feeling sick the past day or two, but there wasnt really anything I could really do about it.
    Lunch passed and it was amazing because He felt that He was a good bit better and He had taken some medicine. I still admit that i hate feeling helpless and powerless to make Him feel better when He is sick, but oh well. Enough about how i didnt like He wasnt feeling good. There's only so many times i can say that before it gets repetitive. Anyways....we headed over to a country/western store to get some boots and jeans for Him for the concert. I can honestly say that i am glad we didnt have more time to look around then what we had because that store has a lot of bad ideas (well not bad but can be evil ideas more then bad) lurking around in there. I admit though that we may end up going back there, but either way i dont mind it because its not about what i want anymore, but what He wants.
    We finished up at the store, let me just say on a side note that i never knew a pair of jeans and boots could cost so much. I consider myself a country girl, but i still have yet to own an authentic pair of cowboy boots. The pair i have is fake looking, although they look real and feel like real boots. I just dont have a pair from one of those brands that make the cowboy boots....oh well. I have something to look forward to buying int he future---my first pair of REAL cowboy boots :).
    Anyways, after leaving the store we headed over to His brothers house to print off our confirmation. It was hilarious because there is a dog there that hates me and barks his head off everytime i come in. It's hilarious, but we printed it off and headed out because there was so much to do.
     After that, we headed back to the house to change and get ready for the night. It was amazing watching Him change from His usual clothes into the cowboy outfit. I couldnt believe how hot He looked and it was all i could do to keep from drooling on myself. I couldnt believe it, but He was right about how He may look like a preppie guy but he is a country guy. Boy was He right!!! He was absolutely amazing looking in the clothes. I loved every bit of it and i kept getting asked if He looked alright. I told Him that He looked fine, but He was more then fine to me. I loved this look. I honestly hoped that He couldnt see the twinkle that i had in my eye for Him.
    We left and headed off for the concert. It was going to be so amazing and this guy was awesome. I was so excited because i was dressed up for Him and He loved the way i looked dressed up as a cowgirl. I dont dress like one often, usually sticking with the more girly look, but it was a change for me and i wanted to dress like a country girl with Him. It was bad though with traffic (although later it turned out to be good luck) because we got stuck in major traffic and even went the wrong way for a short while. It was funny because we were lost, but still holding hands and listening to the radio. He was mad at Himself, but i can honestly admit that it happens to everyone. We got there with about forty minutes left until doors opened, so we went ahead and got in line to get tickets. I got my hands marked with the usual black X's when we were finally able to get in (cant wait til i dont have to get them anymore....counting down the months) and we headed to a place where we could see. This was the best spot for the night because it had a perfect viewpoint and we could see everything going on. The night ended up being a hot, but fun one and i wouldnt change it for all the money in the word. The two of us came home exhausted, but with a night of good memories.