Monday, August 23, 2010

Final week which means You are almost near....

   Yay!!!! Graduation week is finally here!!! I think i never thought this day would come fast enough, but it is finally here. This week is one of the most important events in my life because it is the final step in the first part of my step forward in life. Thanks to Your help in reassuring me that i can make it through this and working on my new life, i'm amazed at the changes that will be so easily viewed in my life. I cant wait to start my tech school to get it over with so i can finally come home to You. This weekend i will finally be able to spend time with You, but nothing will compare to when i finish tech school and will find You waiting for me to walk through that door again and jump into Your arms.
    I hope this week passes by fast so that You can travel to San Antonio to visit me. Nothing will compare to finally being able to see Your smiling face again and to see those lovely eyes of Yours. You may not think they are pretty at all, but no matter what i always find them adorable and cute. They have so many different things hidden in them that i have missed. I know that throughout my training, even though i have had a lot crammed into my head that i havent forgotten at all who i belong to....You. You are my Master and i have missed You so much. I cant wait to feel Your face in my hand and just be able to hug and kiss You again. You never know how special things are until they're taken away from You for a time. I've been away from You eight weeks now and will get to see You for three to four days before You must leave me again, this time for 13 weeks. The only good thing is that with those 13 weeks i can talk to You on the computer and just talk to You on my cell phone too. This is the highlight of my life and i just cant wait to be back with You.
    This week is going to be special and i hope to make You proud with everything that i have accomplished and that You love Your new airman lil one. I cant wait to see You at the end of this week.
love ya and miss ya and cant wait to see ya,
<3 lil one <3                          

   This writing is something that i found and thought it best described this whole process i have started for myself that You have helped me with. I have found out so much about myself with Your help and with the basic training that i never knew or thought possible of myself. I know that You always push me to be the best and do the best in everything i do. It doesnt matter what it is or how i do in it, but as long as i'm giving everything, i know i am making You proud. I cant wait to see You at the end of this week and i hope my weekly letters have helped You make it through the weeks as i was getting my butt kicked by the training instructors and the rigors of basic training. I love You so much and i hope You know this..You have showed me who i am and helped me to be myself with no hidden agendas or trying to be someone i'm not for other people. I love You for this because You are the only person in the world to see the true me and accept me for who i am. I know in the beginning of my training i questioned myself and didnt want to leave You, but You told me i would be fine and i made it through it. I love You so much and am so happy to have You as my Master because You constantly push me to be the best me that i can be. I love you Master!!!

Be Myself
   It was dark and moist. And the seeding knew she must push on to break the soil. It was a desire and she knew she had to work hard to reach the top. One day she felt a strange feeling as the soil turned warm and soft. She knew she was almost there. The soil broke away as she pushed on to break through. Suddenly she felt the sun upon her. She was elated. She looked around and saw a magnificent array of beautiful flowers. There were daisies, cosmos, roses, and vines bearing fruit.
   How she wished she could be what they were as she had no idea of who or what kind of flower she was. She gazed around and saw a beautiful rose bush with thorns. She decided that she must reach him as he could give her shade. She looked up at his beautiful roses. She wanted desperately to be a rose. There were pink roses, white ones, red ones, yellow roses and roses that were made up of several colors.
   She decided that she would try to be a vine and slowly creep under the rose bush with his magnificent thorns and flowers, which rose could she be? The rose bush asked her what she was doing there. She replied that she wanted to be a rose on his vine. She told him she had no idea which color to be. He looked down upon her and told her that each rose had innate qualities and each knew his or her own color. She looked up at the rose and asked how she know her qualities. He looked down and smiled and told her she had to look deep within herself and she would find out.
   She thought and thought but could come up with nothing. She asked the rose if he would help her to find out who she was. He replied that he could guide her but the rest was up to her. He looked down and smiled as her saw a potential rose who was working harder than any rose he had ever encountered.
   He gently touched her and asked her if she could be any color what would she be. She said i would like to be blue as there was no such color on his vine. She told him that she would work hard to be what color she needed to be. She suddenly saw that she was light blue. This was not where she wanted to be.
   She had worked so hard to be above the ground. She knew she could do anything she set her mind to be....She wondered why she had to work so hard. The rose looked down and told her that some had to struggle harder than others. He also told her that struggle would make her stronger in the long run. She was suddenly tired and hot. The rose leaned over and gave her shade and dripped a bit of dew upon her. She slept soundly until she felt a prick upon her. "Time to wake up", the rose told her and continue on her way. She replied that she did not want to leave his comfort. He pricked her once more and told her that she was not a rose and did not belong with him. She cried as she thought she had found her destiny. 
   She moved away confused and hurt when she saw a lovely patch of blue bachelor buttons. She did not belong there. She knew she was a blue rose and watched as she developed thorns. She grew straight up and knew she was where she needed to be. She looked down and saw another seedling rise above the soil and smiled and wondered where she would end up!

Monday, August 16, 2010

One week left, which means seven weeks are here...

   Wow, the seven weeks mark is finally here!!!! I cant believe it because that means i'm so close to seeing You!!! Man i cant even describe how happy i will be this week when i realize it's just this week and the end of next week i get to see You. Hopefully travel arrangements have already been made (believe me i would make them if i could because i remember how much you dont like making them) or are in the process. I know things around here tend to fill up fast, or really hotels from what i've heard. I cant believe it is almost time for me to see You again!!!!
   I cant think of much else to talk about, but just remember i'm always thinking of You and throughout this whole process You have always been on my mind. I find myself thinking of everything that You have taught me from the first time i became Yours. I am so ready to be back in Your arms where i belong and back to being Your lil one. It's not that i never stopped being Your lil one, but being away makes me feel like i cant be Yours right now. Well, not that i cant be Yours, but more like i'm not Yours in person. I know i am Yours in mind, body, and spirit always but it sucks that i cant be with You during this whole thing. Oh well, i guess its a test for the process. I love You so much and hope You know that and that You are my happy thought helpng me push through this and make it to being back in Your arms again.
love ya and miss ya,
<3 lil one <3        

This poem reminds me that there are always some points in life where you get so weary and worn out and must face disappointments. I only hope that my stint here at basic hasnt been a disappointment to You and that i have learned a lot while i've been in here. It also reminds me that even though i'm Your lil one, i will have moments where i mess up and will be disappointed in myself. I hope You know that i always try my best with You and i know that i will have times where i screw up, but You always reassure me that no matter what, You will always love me and there is only one thing (that i know of for sure) that i can screw up on and would cause me to lose You forever. I know i am afraid of screwing up to where i could cause You to not love me anymore, but this fear is always calmed and put aside when You pull me close to You after a punishment and reassure me that i'm still Your lil one. It lets me know that messing up is always a part of the learning process. No matter what though, i know that You are always my Master and i'll always belong to You and You alone.
I slept well, though how - I don't know,
My body feels alive, my heart is heavy,
The enormity of my actions has hit me,
Like a weight bearing down,
Pushing me, crushing me,
Extinguishing the high I had been feeling.
How could I let You down?
As I sit thinking about your eyes,
So kind and gentle,
But now filled with disappointment,
My stomach lurches,
I can't speak, think even,
I close my eyes,
As I feel the heat of my tears.
My eyes still closed,
My shoulders slumped,
My breasts ache,
I breathe slowly,
But each breath seems to catch in my throat.
Your arms around me,
The comfort I seek,
Denied to me by the miles between us.
Do I deserve Your love?
The answer is no,
But I know that it remains,
That surety engulfs me now,
And a warmth begins to return.
I can almost hear my heart,
Feel its rhythm within,
How different things could be,
I long to bask in Your love,
Your acceptance,
Your approval.
Test me, try me,
Push me to my limits,
I'm on my knees before You,
Bending to Your will.
Make me the woman I want to be,
I want to be all You desire,
For You to be proud of me,
Is my ultimate goal.
Again I offer You my will,
My obedience,
Know I take Your punishment willingly,
For I know that I will learn from this.
My heart is still heavy,
But now I have hope,
I am safe with You,
Under Your security and protection.
The love I feel for You,
Overwhelms me,
Burning like a fire,
It cleanses me,
For I know that it is returned.
I feel reborn.
My feet are on a new path,
And the road I take leads me to You.
My eyes fixed firmly on You,
I won't let You down.
My submission is all I have to give You,
Your strength captures my weakness,
But I give myself willingly,
My Master - I am Yours.
By claire

Monday, August 9, 2010

Six weeks away and i'm that much closer....

   I cant believe that my six weeks mark is already here. Wow, that just means two more weeks and i will be in Your arms again, even if only for a little bit.
   I wonder how life is treating You by now and if Your job is still going well. I know that life for me has gotten easier aside from missing You and wanting to talk to You. I wont be able to do that just yet, but before too long i can.
   I cant think of whatever i'm going to be doing this week, but just know that throughout this whole process i'm always thinking of You. I imagine myself finding out in tech school what my first base assignment will be. I hope it is somewhere close to Your family because the two of us love the south and living in it would be amazing. I wonder where i will get, but i just hope that it's somewhere the two of us can have fun with. Either way i know the future ahead looks really bright.
   I hope these next two weeks pass by because then it means You will get back to me sooner.
love you,
<3 lil one <3

I want you wrapped around me,
Ensnare me, entrap me
My heart bleeds on the floor for you
Screaming your name
Seize me, rule me,
Never free me
You are the monarch of my mind
Your teeth, your lips, your tongue, your touch
I never want to forget how heated my flesh becomes
I reach for you, yield to you,
Please do not ever stop
My mind is clouded, my reasoning blinded
By the brilliance laying beside me
Hold me against you and whisper in my ear
All I want is to hear your voice
Make me writhe, make me plead
Make me cry out your name as angels sing
Harder, softly, making me breathless
You are my creator; my body is your canvas
Shape me to your will; mould me to fit your every whim
Turn me into a masterpiece

Monday, August 2, 2010

Five weeks away and the time is slowly passing now.....

   Wow this week is going to be one exciting week. I cant believe that around this time frame i should finally be going through the BEAST week. This is where we get to go rough it out in the combat area in the middle of nowhere and do the obstacle course and quite a few others things. Hard to believe that it's already been five weeks since i left You. I know that i am doing well so far if i have made it to this point. Wow, crazy that i have made it this far so far and am that much closer to the 8 weeks mark. Craziness.
   I hope that work isnt stressing You out too much right now. Hopefully it is keeping You busy enough that You arent going nuts missing me. I cant believe that the only way that i get to talk to You is occasional phone calls or letters. I never really wrote anyone before, but i know that Your letters will be like my lifeline to this crazy world outside. I cant believe still that the two of us are taking steps into this new world i'm going into together. I am so amazed every day that You are totally fine with me going into the military and are understanding and willing to stand by me either way. You truly are amazing and i find myself so blessed to have found You.
   By now You are probably getting anxious about the new baby too. I hope to hear updates possibly about how things are going and any new developments. I cant believe that my sis is going to have a baby and by now my sister is probably about a month, almost two months pregnant. Wow.....she's almost two months pregnant. I cant believe i'm going to be an aunt again and You're going to be an uncle. Craziness right there, but either way i'm happy and cant wait to get back to our family and just spending time with You. I miss the thrill of being at home and in Your arms and just visiting everyone and hearing about various things going on. Before too long i'll be able to do it again, but not until at least Christmas time frame.
   I wonder if You have found any new tv shows to watch yet. I know it wont be too much longer and college football will be starting back up. I know it's still a little early to start thinking about it, but im kind of sad that i wont get to watch the college games with You this year. I'll be stuck in my job training and learning various things about it. Craziness although hopefully we will be able to talk online every night when i'm in my job training. I am just sad that i cant experience watching my first UGA games with You. I truly am a UGA fan now and You created one lol. I love it though because really any team You support, i will support too. Not saying that i cant choose my own, i just dont really know the teams or anything so i support whichever ones You do.
    This week should fly by fast and before You know it, i will get to see You and be wrapped up in those arms again. I know right now that i am working my best to be the best i can be and pushing myself to what You would want me to be performing at. I love You so much and only hope to do You proud. I hope by now that i'm still qualified for Honor Grad, but only time will tell. Love you so much and cant wait to hear from You again.
love ya,
<3 lil one <3

This poem i'm including is one that reminds me of who I am. I may suffer setbacks and other things may happen, but no matter what i am a submissive woman. That doesnt mean that i'm weak, but strong because i know what i want and have found it with You. You are my Master and i belong to You in heart, soul, and mind. I may be away from You right now for some time, but believe me as soon as i get back to You, You will get the biggest hug ever and have the most enthusiastic sub. (not that i'm not enthusiastic will just be i missed being with You like crazy and will enjoy every minute with You) This poem also reminds me that You always showed me that i could do anything even if there were things put in my path. I'm going to be the best airman possible for You.
I am a submissive woman
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive
to my Master in a loving relationship.
i am not weak or stupid. i am a strong woman,
with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life.
i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.
i will look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never
will i be more complete than when He is with me.
i know that He will protect my body, my mind, and my soul
with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as i am everything to Him.
His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do i find complete freedom and joy…
His punishments may be harsh, but i accept them thankfully,
knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Him
and take pleasure myself from knowing that i have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt,
those are all parts of this relationship.
My body is His, and if He says i am beautiful, then i am.
No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in His eyes,
and because of that i hold my head high.
If He says i am His precious jewel,
then i am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem.
If He says that i am His pet, His slut, His whore, then i am that..
as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be.
My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know only as He can.
i have no secrets from Him… for secrets are a thing that would
keep me from being more perfectly His.
Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself…
and i do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones i would seek on my own,
but they are lessons He has decided that i need, and so i learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be
when i kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when i do not feel His presence,
be He miles away or standing over me.
If i were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul,
worse punishment than any lashes could be.
The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Him
is harder to bear than any physical anguish i feel.
i am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend
His time and energy so freely on me.
i have the easier job, to feel, to experience,
to let myself go and abandon everything to Him.
i am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously .
i am a submissive woman.
i am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly,
and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to my Master who has that strength, will i give myself fully,
because i am strong and proud.
i am a submissive woman.