Friday, August 26, 2011

Review of an old lesson learned

   So one of the readers of my blog and i were talking via comments about submission and how different submissives can have different views of different stories. After hearing her talk about how she wondered how submission really worked, i sent her the link and name for a story that i had read a while ago that is in a 3 part series called "Your Master Requires Your Prescence" on a website. I claim no ownership to it, but after she read it, she found that she couldnt really grasp anything that came out at her. After realizing that, i feel a need to repost what i learned and see if maybe it can help others see how i think about my own submission. Everything written previously is quoted below and is bolded to tell the difference.
    “men want to dominate, to master, because they are insecure. They want to control their environment. They want to control anything and everything that affects their lives. They want to be sure that what they have today they will also have tomorrow. Wait a minute you say, isn’t it about sex? Don’t men want to have a willing woman available any time, day or night? Sure, any man who denies it is lying, but there’s more to it. Yes he does want to find you there whenever he rolls over in bed in the middle of the night, but he also wants to know you will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. He wants you to be the friend who’s always there, the one he can share his secrets with, the one he can trust. Yes, trust, surprised? You hear so much about how a good submissive builds trust in her master, but you don’t think about the rest of it. He has to trust you as well, trust that you will keep his secrets, trust that you will be there for him, trust that you won’t walk out or turn on him. It goes back to that basic insecurity. He wants a woman he can spend a lifetime with, but he has that craving for control, to make sure everything is done his way. Who can best answer that need? Someone who loves him, is devoted to him, wants to serve him, take care of him, but also someone who will obey him, defer to his judgment, be it right or wrong, someone who can allow herself to become dependent on him. What type of woman would best be suited to a role like that? The answer is obvious to all of you here: a deeply submissive woman,” he continued. “Each one of you has chosen to submit to your master. Why you choose to submit is another topic, but you submit knowing that it means you accept his unrestricted authority over your lives. Is it what he really wants? Yes, and don’t ever doubt it. Your submission is like a powerful narcotic drug to him. The more he gets from you, the more he wants. It draws him to you, an attraction more powerful than you can imagine. As a submissive it must seem that you take all the risks. You give him everything, yet he could abandon you on a whim. Reality is far different. The more you draw him in, the more power you give to him through your submission, the more he will desire you. Can you walk away from him on a whim? No? Well, he can’t either. You are fulfilling dreams he has had since childhood. He would no more abandon you than he would cut off his arm. Remember this: just as his dominance holds you to him, so your submission holds him to you. To me, domination is not about what I actually do, but the potentials, what I could do if I wished. If I were so inclined I could order Sarah to crawl on the floor barking like a dog. Am I going to do that? No, it would be silly. But I know I have the ability to make her do that if I wanted it. See the distinction? That’s why your master isn’t some kind of abusive monster. He doesn’t need to prove he’s in charge by issuing a constant stream of orders and rules, to put you through some degrading or humiliating scene. Rather he sees, from how you obey him, that his power over you is there anytime he wants it."
   Reading this section, I am reminded at times when I lose it, just how much my Master loves me. He is the reason that I do what I do, but at the same time there are reasons that He does what He does. Honestly, I never thought about why He is the way that He is, but this made me stop and think about it.

  My Master is an amazing man. After this section, I had to go back and reread it another time again. I never realized that Masters are men that are actually afraid of losing what they have. Me and Master have talked before about how we would die if we ever lost each other because we love each other so much. It’s crazy how you can love someone so much, but be so vulnerable to them too. Every time He makes a choice or judgment for me, He is also making sure that I am taken care of.
   Thinking of trust, me and Him talked about it a lot and I realize now that it wasn’t just about how much I trusted Him. I realize now that it actually didn’t take me very long at all to trust Him. There was just something about Him that was different then any of the others that had come before Him. He was different, but the trust thing wasn’t just about me. It was about how much He trusted me too. I realize now that He has to trust me just as much to make sure that I don’t reveal His secrets and that I will always be there for Him.

   That goes back to the whole part of the quote “He doesn’t need to prove he’s in charge by issuing a constant stream of orders and rules, to put you through some degrading or humiliating scene. Rather he sees, from how you obey him, that his power over you is there anytime he wants it.” My Master truly cares about me and if He didn’t, He wouldn’t be working as hard as He does to make things work like He does. He doesn’t order me around to crawl or do things that seem silly and just plain weird, but He relies on me to do things not because He orders me to, but because I submit to Him and give Him that power over me. I love my Master because of the power He has over me, but I also know that at the same time the power He has also is a great responsibility for Him. Knowing this, I am so proud to be called His lil one and to be His submissive and soon to be submissive wife. It will be hard, but I look forward to making Him proud and following His orders whether they are spoken or unspoken.
   Now at another day, i had read the story for the first time and found three very important lessons to me when i was first getting into the lifestyle. These still hold true for me today as Master and i are still getting deeper and deeper into the lifestyle with each other and finding out our various likes and dislikes. Again all the quoted material from the previous blog post are in bold to make it different from this.
    I was perusing through the sites, checking emails and decided to finish reading the story I had started last night. It was a great story from The Writings of Leviticus and I learned a lot of different lessons from "Your Master Requires Your Presence" by Jack Peacock.
    The first lesson I learned had to do with how your Master is always present. It was interesting because I know sometimes in the past I struggled with debating on doing something because I felt he wouldnt find out about it. I know this is wrong because he does always find out and it may not be right away, but he will find out. I think a part of it would be i would feel so horribly guilty if I went and did something behind his back anyways that I just couldnt bring myself to do it. It was interesting because part of the story was talking about how there is always something you have that will be a small reminder of him with you, whether a bracelet or a locket or necklace or even a pair of earrings that represent him and everything about him. By thinking of that necklace or other jewelry item, it allows you to remember him and use it to reinforce you on the submissive desires you as a person have. I felt this was very true and it got me to thinking about when he had shown me a picture of a necklace. Whatever he gives to me, if anything, in the future is a symbol of his ownership and that he is always present, even in my desires. But the most important line in the story that I read talked about how "your Master is always present, even when he is not with you. Your attitude should always reflect that idea. You do not act one way when he is present, another when he is absent". I knew this was true because you shouldnt ever act one way with your master/dom and another when he's not around. It turns you into someone who is two-faced and a liar. I know from experience lying to him can bring bad consequences (and just to think that the punishment for that was before we have truly delved into anything) and that I dont like doing it as a human being either (even though there are certain times it is okay to avoid hurting someone's feelings in a harsh way, but that is a topic for a later discussion). I realized that I shouldnt do things or act any different then if he was watching me every minute of the day. It was a pretty eye opening lesson from a fictional story.

      My next lesson from the story was about how you handle situations that test your comfort levels. In the story, the slave was at a school being punished for running away from her master. Part of the training on teaching her how to please her master was where the submissives and slaves had to kneel in front of a mirror in position and not move at all. It was where they look at themselves and see who you really are. By facing who you really are, you realize just how dependent you are on the master/dom. It was also said that it was a test to see how well you handle orders that you dont like. If you can handle it despite how uncomfortable it makes you, it shows just how well you are willing to obey. It was amazing because I didnt realize that by obeying him, even if it's silly or uncomfortable, was showing him just how much I was willing to try and please him.

      Amazing lesson number three was interesting to say the least. The story was talking about a master and why he is a dominant instead of a submissive, basically a why he is like he is description. There were two parts here that described why a dominant male does what he does and it amazed me. One part said that "men want to dominate, to master, because they are insecure. They want to control their environment. They want to control anything and everything that affects their lives. They want to be sure what they have today they will also have tomorrow", while the other said that "but he also wants to know you will be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. He wants you to be the friend who's always there, the one he can share his secrets with, the one he can trust....He has to trust you as well, trust that you will keep his secrets, trust that you will be there for him, trust that you wont walk out or turn on him. He wants a woman he can spend a lifetime with, but he has that craving for control, to make sure everything is done his way. Who can best answer that need? Someone who loves him, is devoted to him, wants to serve him, take care of him, but also someone who will obey him, defer to his judgement, be it right or wrong, someone who can allow herself to become dependent on him. What type of woman would best be suited to a role like that?" I cant believe just how much that whole section really hit home for me. I learned so many things about how his mind works. I didnt realize that he had issues where he had to make sure that I wouldnt run out and turn on him. I realized that he has to trust me on a higher level then how I trust him. I do have to trust him, but everything that he goes through is more. He holds the balance with everything and has to make sure that everything is fine tuned. I never knew how the other side worked, but I see that he has the way more complex side then me. I simply have to trust in him that he is making the right choice in things and make sure he is happy. I mean I know there are underlying things too, but I know nothing is as important as how he has to handle everything. I think after reading this passage, it made me appreciate him that much more and all the choices he makes. I trust that he knows whats best for me and accept it at that. I know that I may not always fully accept it by arguing or just being a little bit fiesty, but I understand now that he has so much more on his shoulders.

    After talking about the why is the male dominant like he is, there is also the lesson about what happens when you defy him. By defying him (here it was talked about in the extreme like running away from him or something else), I took away the one thing that was guaranteed for him in this changing world, the control and knowing that I would always be there for him. I know (and really hope) that he doesnt want to lose what he has, and that by defying him I take away a small piece of his certainty. I just dont want to do that, I mean I know that with my learning process I will for sure be getting into trouble, but at the same time I have realized that I'm going to try my hardest to not forget what I learned.

      One of the most amazing and I think mind splitting lessons that I had from this story was talking about how our submission affects him. i never realized that there was so much more then just be simply submitting to him. There is a whole power exchange, even if its small its still there, and it has so many different aspects. My submission to him is much greater then I could imagine. By submitting to him, i know and accept that he is in full charge of me and that he can make me do whatever he wishes. The one thing I didnt know was that it is addicting for him in the way things more. The more control of me he gets, the more he wants and that the attraction of this factor increases tenfold. It's more powerful then the attraction in a regular vanilla relationship. With this concept too, I learned that even if I wanted to or if he wanted to, we simply couldnt walk away from each other. Both of us are fulfilling dreams that the ohter has had and that much like it says "his dominance holds you to him, so your submission holds him to you", my submission to him holds him to me, and his dominance of me holds me to him.

     The other good lesson I learned was where it talked about how his control in exercised for me even in the little ways. I never really understood the need for simple little rules, but I knew that some were for practical reasons while others are just plain evil it seems. After thinking about it and rereading the passage talking about the little rules showing his dominance too, I realized why he wants me to check in and wants to know whats going on during the day. I thought the check in is silly at the beginning, but now I see that it serves as a two fold purpose. It allows him to see what's going on in my day to day life, but it also lets him know that I'm safe. Working my job, I know that it isnt a very safe job and working in a somewhat shady section of town doesnt add either. Knowing that he is there on the other end of the line, always ready to take care of me no matter what happens is a calming and amazing feeling. I realized though after reading the story that even though the check in or the other little things he has me do that I might not notice are a way he is showing his dominance over me. It helps to reassure him what the roles are (and he may not need the reassurance but its still there unspoken) and that they wont change, which is good to know with everything else in the world changing around us. I also like it now too, because to me it lets me do something for him just the way he wants it.

     I cant believe that this one little story could have so many lessons in it. I'm not totally sure if I'm grasping the meaning behind the lessons they mention the slaves in the story learn, but for some reason I feel that it can also apply to real life situations, especially with how this lifestyle was talking about it. I just cant believe how much this hit home. I realized that I definitely want to try a lot harder to not get into trouble and just do what he wishes of me. I also realized that no matter what he does, whether it's giving me a hard time to just messing around me and wanting to see me lay a certain way, I can do it. Before I would laugh and joke it off (and at this point not making any guarantees that my rebellious side wont come out every now and then) when he was wanting something, but I feel that now if he wants something I am more then willing to do it. I know time will truly tell whether or not I can keep this feeling (which I dont doubt I will because I'm going to keep this story to make sure I always am able to remember the lessons in it) but I hope that I do. I know that I will always have the need to please him and make sure he is happy, which means doing anything he wishes. I know things are still developing, but after tonight I really cant wait to see where things grow. I find mysel growing and changing and becoming more and more accustomed to things in the lifestyle. I wonder just how much I have changed and learned so far though. I cant wait to get his thoughts on all this and what he thinks.

2 comments:

  1. Sorry it took me so long to get over here lol.

    It's always interesting to see stories from someone else's perspective--I got more from the story reading what You wrote about it and how it impacted you than I did when I read it myself.

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  2. Lol. I know how that is. Sometimes i dont always get the meaning in a story until i hear what someone else got out of it. It's funny how that works sometimes. Nice to know that i offered insight into how the story impacted me. It was written before i got home from basic so i may need to read it again and see if it still has the same meaning.

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