Anyways, after what happened the other night Master and i came to an agreement. It was a big misunderstanding between the two of us and i am glad that it is cleared up now. It was horrible because after everything i ended up feeling like Master didn't want me as His submissive anymore and that i wasn't deserving of being His submissive for everything that i had screwed up. He asked me to be honest with Him and i was and i opened the rawest part of myself to Him that night. My world had crashed down and at the point that i sobbed to Him that i felt like i wasn't worthy to Him of being His submissive anymore, i couldn't get any rawer than that. It felt amazing to finally be able to clarify how i was feeling to Him and to get some clarification on the whole dog issue. Master did admit to being upset because it seemed that it was one extreme or the other with me, but He also knows that my entire family is the same way. They are to one extreme or the other and i promised Him that i would be working on trying to fix it in the future.
Today was the second day of realizing that i really do need to let control go and to let Master handle everything. When we got together i gave all the control to Him then and He has NEVER given me a reason to doubt that trust. He has always taken care of everything, even when He didn't have to. He stepped up and took care of things when i became sick and is right here by my side through this whole getting out of my job thing because that is a whole different kind of stress on things. He is the most amazing and understanding Master and i look forward to rediscovering the lifestyle as we delve back into it. (kind of like right now because He keeps playing with me as im writing this....very distracting lol).
There is no telling what the future holds, but i think there will be a lot of fun to be had. To be honest, i am kind of hoping that we can have a nice long session tonight. My body and mind are craving some dominance and i am hoping that Master will go down on me(it has been a little while since He has done this and i think part of it is because i was slacking in my shaving rule. Tonight was the first time in a while that i feel like lil one because i went and took a shower and shaved and made my pussy nice and bare for Master and then made sure to wash all the hair off using the body wash that He had said made Him want to fuck me the other night(maybe the reason why He cant keep His hands off me or out of me at the moment). Master had said i was supposed to get a spanking last night, so a part of me has a feeling He will probably give it to me tonight because it has been a long time coming for me. Its okay though because it lets me know that i am loved.
My mind is in super submissive mode right now and im so ready for some wonderful time with Master tonight. My mind and body are ready for Him to use it and i hope that He will use every hole that He can. Usually i tense up when He tries to do anal and sometimes fight it, but i find myself really wanting Him to take control of HIS mouth, pussy, and ass. It is not mine to say if He can do anal with me or not, it is His because He is the Master and i am merely the submissive :) It is up to Him as to what He wants to do with me and when. Aside from that, that is all that i have for the night. Its been a pretty uneventful day here.
The other thought is id like to ask Him if we can order a few more toys to add to our collection that i have been curious about, but i am not sure what He would think. These are the ones that i am considering (all photos are courtesy of extremerestraints.com site and are in no way mine at all).
This just seems like a lot of fun and im curious as to what it would be like to experience the wrist and ankle cuffs and spread how Master wishes since i read that this also allows the person to be secured in ways other than what is displayed here.
We have a smaller version of this right now, but its batteries have died. Although i find the idea of Master having the remote and the two of us going out to eat somewhere and i have to fight the emotions that are welling up inside of me and try to fight the urge to cum without everyone around me realizing what is going on. The one we have right now will have the batteries replaced, but it is always nice to have a backup just in case the batteries die in the first one and this one reaches further than the other one that Master and i bought does. So should be a good buy.