Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Wanting and wishing and ready...

  So today has definitely been an amazing day for me. First off was that i finally got to sleep for the first time, which was extremely amazing since i haven't really been sleeping through the night for the past few weeks. Granted it took me staying up as long as i could after working the night shift to get to where i was so exhausted i just passed out asleep.
    Anyways, after what happened the other night Master and i came to an agreement. It was a big misunderstanding between the two of us and i am glad that it is cleared up now. It was horrible because after everything i ended up feeling like Master didn't want me as His submissive anymore and that i wasn't deserving of being His submissive for everything that i had screwed up. He asked me to be honest with Him and i was and i opened the rawest part of myself to Him that night. My world had crashed down and at the point that i sobbed to Him that i felt like i wasn't worthy to Him of being His submissive anymore, i couldn't get any rawer than that. It felt amazing to finally be able to clarify how i was feeling to Him and to get some clarification on the whole dog issue. Master did admit to being upset because it seemed that it was one extreme or the other with me, but He also knows that my entire family is the same way. They are to one extreme or the other and i promised Him that i would be working on trying to fix it in the future.
    Today was the second day of realizing that i really do need to let control go and to let Master handle everything. When we got together i gave all the control to Him then and He has NEVER given me a reason to doubt that trust. He has always taken care of everything, even when He didn't have to. He stepped up and took care of things when i became sick and is right here by my side through this whole getting out of my job thing because that is a whole different kind of stress on things. He is the most amazing and understanding Master and i look forward to rediscovering the lifestyle as we delve back into it. (kind of like right now because He keeps playing with me as im writing this....very distracting lol).
    There is no telling what the future holds, but i think there will be a lot of fun to be had. To be honest, i am kind of hoping that we can have a nice long session tonight. My body and mind are craving some dominance and i am hoping that Master will go down on me(it has been a little while since He has done this and i think part of it is because i was slacking in my shaving rule. Tonight was the first time in a while that i feel like lil one because i went and took a shower and shaved and made my pussy nice and bare for Master and then made sure to wash all the hair off using the body wash that He had said made Him want to fuck me the other night(maybe the reason why He cant keep His hands off me or out of me at the moment). Master had said i was supposed to get a spanking last night, so a part of me has a feeling He will probably give it to me tonight because it has been a long time coming for me. Its okay though because it lets me know that i am loved.
     My mind is in super submissive mode right now and im so ready for some wonderful time with Master tonight. My mind and body are ready for Him to use it and i hope that He will use every hole that He can. Usually i tense up when He tries to do anal and sometimes fight it, but i find myself really wanting Him to take control of HIS mouth, pussy, and ass. It is not mine to say if He can do anal with  me or not, it is His because He is the Master and i am merely the submissive :) It is up to Him as to what He wants to do with me and when. Aside from that, that is all that i have for the night. Its been a pretty uneventful day here.
     The other thought is id like to ask Him if we can order a few more toys to add to our collection that i have been curious about, but i am not sure what He would think. These are the ones that i am considering (all photos are courtesy of extremerestraints.com site and are in no way mine at all).



Master has joked about owning one of these, but when He does a part of me just flutters inside thinking that these leave you so vulnerable and open just like the ankle and wrist cuffs from above. Both of these are high up on my list of toys to try as well as quite a few others, although im sure Master cant buy every toy out there. It just seems like a really fun thing to try.

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