Anyways, my mind is made up that once these next few days are over with, i am going to set about becoming the person that Master knows i am inside, the person our baby needs, and a more social butterfly. There are things that i keep putting off and putting off because i just dont feel like it and then i get moments where i have self-loating of how im so fat and i feel like i look horrible. If i feel that way and i really want to do something, it is about time that i get off my lazy butt and start working out and holding myself accountable. This is something i have to do for myself and if Master wants to throw in an added bonus of rewards/punishments then so be it, but for now i am doing this one alone. My mind is made up and Master knows that when i usually make my mind up to something there is not really any changing it. So im curious to see where this road will take me. Starting the day i know Aunt flo has left, i will be working out and keeping track of every little bite that i eat and how i feel and if i take my medicine or not. Right now i have a very high cholesterol and it was a joke or it seemed like one to me before but i realized its not a joke and could kill me in a few years if i dont do something to change it.
This brings me to another point.....Master and i have talked about trying new things in the lifestyle and there are a few things that i'd like to try. Looking on Master's profile to remind myself of what He liked and didnt like and what i was looking to try, i found a few things. These are what Master has said that He likes and is into and i am craving to try it. He has indicated that He likes bondage,rope bondage/suspension, candle wax, and outdoor bondage. All of these seem very exciting to me and of course there is still the unpursued idea of Master having two submissives at His feet and to do with what He wishes. In my mind, i am itching to try this because this would be an amazing experience and a part of me is very curious what it would be like to try everything there is with another girl with Master there of course. The other thing that i havent told Master yet is that i have a craving to possibly go to a munch or a play party. Neither of us has ever talked about it before, but the idea of being around others and just showing how much i love Master and see if they really are like what i have read about. Plus i really would like to see what it is like to see the different aspects of the lifestyle that are shown at these kinds of things and also to be around people that are just like us. Sometimes i feel alone and that is also a part of the new me...with Master's encouragement of course i have put myself out there and am trying to make new friends in the lifestyle. :) So far i have been talking to a couple, but im not sure where things will go with either one of them. Either way if it happens, it happens and if not i know that i did nothing wrong in trying to talk to them. The other thing that i would love to try more of and this is weird coming from me is more anal. The way Master has worked with my ass and how it takes Him hurts but feels good at the same time. The way it hurts is such a good feeling kind of hurt that oh my goodness, i am just drooling about it right now. He has truly made my whole body His that during Aunt flo, i find myself missing Him fucking me like He does. Last night Master had me sucking His cock and He kept running His hand over my ass (i love it when He does that especially when im laying down in bed and writing in my blogger). All i kept thinking was that i wshed He would take my ass and use it for His pleasure. It was weird because i felt like He wanted to, but He was unsure because of whats going on down there. All i kept think was "please Master just pull my shorts down and fuck my ass hard and use me like your submissive". He has called me an anal whore before and oddly enough during the moment i really do feel like one because i love it so much. There is just no way to describe the feeling and i still cant believe im saying i like it before because it used to scare me. Now i find myself wanting it and thinking of maybe trying a butt plug or something along those lines for Master one day. Oh there are so many ideas and im hoping that He knows after reading this just how much i love Him using my body for His pleasure. It makes me feel so good knowing that my ass is giving Him the pleasure that it is, especially during times that He cant really have His pussy. :D He has tried a vibrator in my pussy, i wonder what about my ass and if it feels the same. Wow there are so many different places this could go.
(i dont claim any ownership for these pictures, they are found by internet search)So my mind is thankfully decluttered now and it is up to Master to see where things go from here. There are no promises that i wont have days where i am not myself, but i plan on getting back to the lil one that Master first met and fell in love with and stay that way. It may be hard at first, but i know that we will get back into the swing of things and get back to being the Master and lil one that we were before our baby came along (not that we arent Master and lil one now, it just feels different). The path will be tough and probably filled with a few punishments/other things, but with Master beside me i know that i will make it. :D The future already looks brighter, even if i dont have any job prospects right now.