So today has definitely been interesting day to say the least. This morning i woke up to Master getting ready to gather the stuff He needed for our child and go in the other room. The child was still asleep so i asked Him to come lay back in bed with me by patting the bed. It was crazy because it was like He read my mind because He was asking me what i wanted. Now part of me did want something, but the other part was perfectly content with cuddling in bed. It has been so long since Master and i have woken up in the same bed together, without one of us having to sprint off to get our child or take care of some need. It was nice to be able to just lay there with Him and snuggle together and enjoy laying in His arms. Although it was short lived, it was still enjoyable nonetheless. It made me feel like today was already starting off on the right foot.
This morning i will admit that i did want something, but i didn't know how much time we had. Plus i haven't been able to ask Him for sex yet. It is up to Him when i get sex and im very afraid to just come right out and ask for it. He knew my needs but i couldn't tell Him that's what i wanted. Last nights dream was about Him playing with His property, which when i woke up made me want it but i couldn't ask Him. It is something that id like to work on, but this morning leaves me knowing that He reads my mind and knows my every thought and emotions.
The past few months have been filled with disappointment over job searching. There have been a few that after seeing my resume asked me to come in for an interview but are then shocked because im willing to drive a distance to get there. Then somehow it ends up that they find someone else that is better qualified or seem skeptical that Master and i are willing to relocate for a job. It is not a crazy thought and Master and i really are trying to find a new place to settle down.
So it has been a rough couple of months and these past few weeks have been even more stressful. There was an offer to start the process for joining a police department, but the first step is just beginning and i have to take a test and do numerous other things before i even get close to a job offer. Plus once that is done there is still the dilemma of having to go to the academy and all that. So that's another couple months until i can even begin to think about starting the process of earning a paycheck. Then there is another job as a dispatcher that i was offered to start the process by taking a test and then it would go from there. Then yesterday i had an interview and it is a job working in a warehouse and keeping track of orders and other things but the guy seemed hesitant to think that i could keep up. He mentioned that he would have to talk to the current assistant and then he would call me and let me know. So far i have heard nothing so i am assuming the worst about that job.
Master laughed at me yesterday when i came home because i had gotten a job interview, but yet i got right back on the computer and began to apply for more jobs. This morning i was back at it again and He thought it was just crazy that i was applying for so many jobs despite the hope that i would get this job. There is just the thought that until i get a definite yes, i need to keep putting myself out there. Besides that, even if i get a job as like a fast food clerk or something like that i can do that job until i hear back from a police department (which is my ultimate goal to be honest until i finish school).
He surprised me though with the most special thing to me. It has been so long since i have bought anything for myself, especially new clothes. It just makes me self conscious and i feel bad like im taking away from the family. When i went for the interview yesterday i was dressed up, but i don't have a shirt that there is no question about it business attire (not dress pants and a polo shirt). So Master chose to let me go to the store and pick out one or two shirts for my interviews and possible job (if i got an admin job id need it for my work attire). He saw the ones that i got and it made me feel amazing because after trying them on there were two that i really liked that went with the pants that i already had and could be worn with my jeans as well. Trying them on for Master when i got home, it made me feel so much more like an adult wearing them and that i wasn't dressing so much like a child anymore. It was the most amazing feeling ever and im so glad that He took me shopping and made me get them. (He had to order me to get both shirts because i was only going to get one of them).
The other part that was surprising for me was the feeling as i was walking around with Him. When Master brought up the topic of going shopping to look for shirts, He told me that i would have to wear either a dress or skirt with no underware and paint my toes. They hadn't been painted in a while and i had been putting off doing them for one reason or another. So i chose to wear a skirt and i went without bra and underware. It was the most freeing feeling and both at the same time made me feel naughty. Knowing that only Master knew that i was naked under my skirt, made me feel so slutty and naughty. Then He played with His slave on the way home in the car and it took all the power in me to hold still when He told me to keep still and keep my legs spread for Him. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. This free feeling is something that i had forgotten since Master and i had first started talking and i came to visit Him for the first time. He had the rule then that i was to wear no underware (unless it was my time of the month) and only under certain circumstances could i wear it. Today made me realize that i was afraid of not wearing underware because of a past experience with my pants rubbing me raw. It is not going to happen this time and i think i may go around as often as i can for Master without underware. Knowing that only He will know that i will have nothing on under there is freeing to me and makes me feel more like His slave. Plus i know that it will make Him happy knowing that im one step closer to always being available for Him. That way if He decides He wants to have me in the middle of the day while our child is napping He can.
Now im off to snuggle with Him and hopefully get some love and play and lesson time. It has been amazing being taught by Master and seeing how much change is happening in myself. Things that i would normally not have liked before have become a thing of interest. He has spanked me a few times while pleasuring me and it has created a weird mix of pain and pleasure, although i still hate being spanked as a punishment. Master has had me crawl on all fours and before that would have been something that i was against but now i find that if He wants me to do it, i will do it to make Him happy. He has left me wanting to do more things to make Him happy. There are so many toys that i cant wait to buy once we have money to make Him happy.
(the last comment made me realize that i forgot to mention the one bonus of Master and i moving from where we are at now). The houses in the area that we are looking to move to are not too expensive for what we are looking to get and to top it off we may be able to either have a garage/basement area or a back shed that we can make off limits for just our area. That or have a nice big master bedroom area. Either way the possibilities are endless in what we can do and how much more we can expand. It is going to be so much fun trying to find a place like that because it is part of my dream when we get to find our first house to find something that can provide that while being discreet about it.