Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Reflections

Wow...as i sit here and write this, i realize just how bad i have been at updating my blog. However, i will say that life has gotten even crazier and even more hectic since Master and i have added a second child to our family and with me back in school working towards my nursing degree. There have been so many changes that i am so glad that i still have this blog to keep track of them.

The major thing i have realized is that i am quite hard on myself in telling myself when i get back on here that i havent blogged in so long and that i will do better and blog everyday and i blog once or twice and then it goes back downhill again. Well this time, i have come to realize that this blog used to be the only outlet that i had to tell Master how i was feeling and what was going thru my head. Instead, He has very much pushed hard for me to communicate better with Him about things. This means that there is less blogging on my end about various things because i am being more open and honest with Him about things. Now i feel like i can start to make this blog more about everything in my life instead of just using it as an outlet to vent my feelings to Master since i wasn't good at expressing my feelings.
This picture says everything about the way i feel now about how i am truly trying to work on communicating better with Master about various things. Granted, there are still some times where i find myself having issues communicating with things or various things that happen get in the way of me being open and honest with Him, i feel i am getting better. He has gotten more patient and has learned a couple questions that if i'm not able to pull out what i want to say right away help me pull it out and put it into sentences that i can tell Him to get things across.


With changing to a new school and being so close to getting into nursing school and getting my
nursing degree, it has definitely added a lot to my plate. However, i feel that for some reason this time around i am still able to focus on Master and His needs for the most part. With that being said, i have to point out how amazing He has been. Master wakes up early to take care of the kids and get them where they need to go. He makes sure that when i get home if i need time to study or do any kind of class work that i can get it done by taking care of the children and keeping them occupied. Master has also been very amazing in that He has helped me study for major tests. This semester i may get close to a 4.0 and a lot of it has to do with His support. If i need help, he is very good about quizzing me and of course there is an extra reward to remember the right answers. For every wrong answer i receive a swat/spanking. It has led to me remembering a lot. Plus it helps ease my piece of mind by showing me what i really know and what i need to focus on. Master is very quick to point out when i am VERY much overthinking things. He has been a big blessing in me being able to get as close as i am to achieving my nursing degree. i dont feel like i ever tell Him enough, but i am beyond grateful that He is as supportive of me achieving this dream of becoming a nurse as He is. :D He has truly kept me from giving in the towel when all the chips were down because i felt like there was nowhere to turn. Now i am in an amazing school and have a great chance of getting into the nursing school i applied to and am doing amazing in my classes.


Master is truly my strength and has allowed me to keep it together so many times. He is amazing and it is amazing to think we have learned so much in the time the two of U/us have been together as a couple and as Master and lil one.




Master has brought this belief out in me and i hope to work on it in the future. He made mention earlier today about how He wished when i facetimed Him that He could have seen me on my knees in position for Him because i have a hard time staying still. It made me smile so big because it made me feel loved to know that He wanted me at His feet and this position is where i feel the most at home at times. Although this picture talks about pleasing a Dom, i feel it is just as pertinent in relating to me pleasing Master. As He tells me a lot of the time, i let myself get into my head and i let things get to me too easily. The part about pushing my body is very true and part of that for me is that i definitely need to start focusing on keeping my body healthy and the other part is that i sometimes need to push past the pain that i feel when my body decides to act up a little bit. The good thing about this is that i am working at trying to put it into Master's hands and let Him judge whether or not He wants to push any kind of activities while knowing what i am experiencing pain wise and level (such as migraine or side pain). This picture leads me to wonder if getting into position during the day for whatever reason i need it at the time would be something i should look into doing, especially if the kneeling position is a position that i feel puts me back into my submissive/slave mindset.
Ultimately i find myself feeling this a lot more each day that i focus more on Master and O/our relationship instead of letting the humdrum of the day get to me. More time i find myself focusing on Master and making sure that i am taking care of Him or not getting frustrated because something was done the way that i would have done it. When i focus on Him and being His lil one, it lets me know that He loves me unconditionally and it helps keep me going. He is what allows me to do everything else because by focusing on Him and making Him happy, i receive the support that i need to handle things that come up in my life from a rough day at school to juggling things with Him, family life, work life, school life, and just all things in general. He truly makes me feel loved and i can only hope that He sees the changes i am trying to make for Him for a better lil one, but also most importantly for myself so that He can have the lil one that He deserves! i find myself tired, but He is what keeps me going and gives me energy each day knowing He is proud of me for going (plus loving the school i'm at now helps).