Workout plans and emotions galore!

     So today im super excited because i just got my workout system back from the person that i let borrow it. I had ordered it while i was in college before i had met Master because i knew that it worked, but i never kept up with it past the third or fourth day because it just made me so tired. Now that i have it back and im in desperate need of losing weight, i will be starting it. The good thing is that Master has said that He will more than likely do it with me. It will be interesting to see who can lose more weight, me or Him. Hmmm...sounds like a way to make it interesting and fun maybe to have a bet going as to who loses the most weight and who can lose the most inches around their waist maybe? Anyways, i know that this program is going to push my butt and get me back into shape so im really looking forward to this kick in the pants that i really need. Plus im hoping that by the time that these places im putting in applications for call that i will have lost some weight and be in shape for it (not that im not now, but im not in the best shape that i could be in for the job).
     Speaking of jobs, Master and i have thrown around the topic of Him joining the military. It is a very real possibility because right now things are looking pretty dim for me as far as possibilities and this is all because of some stupid punishment that i received. It's almost like they are saying that i shouldnt be punished and have the appearance of an angel/clean slate or that they misinterpret what my punishment was based on the words they see on the paper. Im hoping that with these next few applications getting ready to go out that i explained things better. Either way, all i got was a verbal and written reprimand and reduced by one pay grade. It's not like people have made mistakes before and it seems people outside of the military are wanting to make me pay for it over and over again. On top of the mistake, they hear about it but the fact that i got out honorably and they  instantly wonder how that is possible. I guess maybe people watch too much JAG or NCIS to have an idea of what my punishment was and think it automatically means that i was punished in a court of law. Ugh sorry, this is ranting im sure but it is still irritating and disheartening to know that because my supervisor was an idiot and wrote me up for something that i had no control over (sleeping on the job due to prescription medication that they knew about and i shouldnt have even been out working that job according to the guidelines that the doctor had set) and then decided to punish me merely because if i wasnt punished then it would look like they were showing favoritism. There is just so much that is highly frustrating and i hate being hindered because of this and now it is at a point of should i tell them or just leave it out and hope that they dont find out about it. But then i run into the fact that if i have to take a polygraph test they can tell by my answer that i did receive disciplinary action. So ugh, im between a rock and a hard place and praying that something comes through. Either way Master may end up joining the military. Selfish me doesnt want Him to because i want Him home, but at the same time i know that the benefits are none other. There is nothing that can compare to it. Plus we want to have another child and with my history we HAVE to have medical coverage. There is no way around that one. Its just hard because i feel like im trying to do my best so that He can stay here, but at the same time i want Him to look into it as a viable option because until the day He goes to be processed and signs that contract, He can always back out and say that He changed His mind and found a better option. Its just hard trying to figure out the right thing to do for us and what we should do. I know that Master has probably run a lot through His head, but things have been so busy lately that we havent had much time to talk about it and these past few days i have been short of locking myself in our room to get some applications done. So who knows, i think i will try to talk to Him about our situation and see what He thinks the future is like for us right now.
     In other news, my baby fever is kicking into high gear and find myself trying not to go crazy. Master and i both made the responsible decision not to try and bring another life into this world right now, especially with the job situation like we mentioned above. Its just trying to get our ducks in a row and plus we have to make sure that we have insurance. Which we do have transitional insurance until November, but then it stops. So we are already looking at insurance and im thinking of getting it through school. Because of my degree, i would already have to pay for the insurance anyways and it covers maternity care and everything. So a part of me is thinking about getting it to ensure that we are covered because at this point im so desperate with need and craving another baby. It's not because our baby is growing up, but to me it is the best gift that i can give Master is to bear His children. His children are amazingly beautiful and just a gift of love for me. Even with the complications we had last time, i know that He loves them and it shows Him that i love Him so much by being willing to carry His child. The part that kills me is that right now i SHOULD be pregnant, but im not.  Funny i know because i know that God had a plan, but it still hurts just the same to know that i was pregnant, but everyone around me (minus Master) was telling me that i wasnt. When i knew that i was over a month late for my period and we had been trying and i had been having the symptoms, i went to the Ob office. The doctor there immediately after the first visit suggested it was just an absence of my period and that he didnt really think i could be pregnant. He pushed for me to take a pill that would jumpstart my period. I refused because in my head and heart i knew that i was pregnant with froggy. Froggy was already fertilized and i knew the signs were there the same as i had with Master and i's first child. But this Ob was adamant i wasnt. He did a blood test and i came in a week later for the results and i was told that it was negative that i wasnt pregnant. Still not convinced and i was still experiencing the symptoms, i requested an ultrasound. A part of me thinks that the ultrasound is what made me miscarry froggy because at one point she was pushing a little hard to try and see things (or maybe i was just imagining it). Either way i was told that there wasnt anything there, but that it wasnt uncommon to not see anything and that it could just be too early. Well with our first child, they didnt show up until i was two months pregnant (by their calculations from the last period date, but by conception it was a month and a half pregnant). So i knew in my heart that i was pregnant. They told me i wasnt and the ob said there wasnt anything he could do and that he really strongly believe that it was just a case of me not having a period due to coming off birth control. I had been off the birth control for 6 weeks and everything had remained normal after coming off.
    So the kicker to the story about the whole being pregnant thing is that i recently requested a copy of my records from the Ob office since Master and i have moved away and i need them for when we get pregnant again wherever we will be living. The results showed that they tested them in a lab and that they had found a small amount of HcG in my system. Now it wasnt enough for them to prove positive for the test, but after telling them that i didnt show up initially with the right HcG levels for my first they should have taken this as a sign that i was pregnant instead of telling me that i wasnt. Their borders for saying it was a positive test was 5 and my levels were at 3.66. Now i know that there are rare times a body can produce HcG, but i know that when i am not pregnant my levels are below 1. So please tell me how i can not be pregnant, but have a level of almost 4 HcG in my system!!! It left me devastated and furious that everybody was telling me that i was crazy but here the results were saying that i was right and that my body was telling me the right thing in that i was pregnant. Seeing other people with babies now just makes me want one and miss froggy. It makes me wonder what froggy would have been like and how the pregnancy would have played out. It just sucks because Master and i both want one and thanks to me we cant have one right now. If things hadnt happened to me i would still have a job and we would both be able to enjoy the process of me being pregnant again.

     So enough of the woe is me with the pregnancy wants and desires. Lately Master and i have been having a lot of very great sex. It has been both amazing and breath taking to say the least. Not that the encounters before havent been with us, but these have been even better. It seems that He knows just how to hit the right spot. He has hit further and further every night. The feeling is an amazing feeling between pleasure and just a little bit of pain from the unexpected hit deep inside His pussy. I dont know if He has been doing anything different or if it is just me and that my body loves having His cock in it or what but it feels amazing. Then He adds in the little bit of Him dominating me by just pounding into His pussy and then forcing me to clean Him off and everything. It is just an amazing feeling to know just how loved i am by the way He dominates me. Last night i found myself putting myself into another position for Him. It is hard for me to just do things, so it takes me a little bit to build up to it and last night was no different. It was a clear war going on in my head with one half of me saying go ahead and do it (more than likely the dirty little slutty side of me) and then the other half was saying no dont do it because its wrong and not what you should do (the sheltered person inside of me). It was hard because i was brought up to believe one way and it is hard to be comfortable in my body. Now, i am slowly trying to get out of that mindset and get comfortable with getting naked for Master and giving myself to Him. Last night it took me a few minutes to get things ready and a few more minutes to convince my mind that i could do it and that He would not laugh at me. He came out and instantly began to play with His toy. Thats what my body was to Him last night, His toy to use and abuse and play with as He pleased. He teased me and toyed with me and fucked me and fingered me and just pushed my His body to ends that i had no idea that it could go to. There were ties left out for Him and He used them to put me in a loose hogtie of some sorts (or so it felt that way). Then i was blindfolded and for the rest of the night i found myself wondering what was going to happen next. He used clothespins on my  His nipples and tried on my His pussy lips. Oh my word did the ones on the pussy lips hurt! He left them on for maybe a second but to me it seemed like an eternity. It may be a little while before i can get my His body to where it can take clothespins down there, but i know one day it will be able to handle it. He also used a vibrator and ice on His pussy and nipples. Oh my gosh it was crazy feeling and today my His nipples have been a little sensitive from the play that they received last night. It was so amazing last night that Master had me begging Him to play with His slut and to fuck His slut with His cock. Now this is a big step for me because it is hard for me to say the word cock because i was raised to believe it was a dirty word. Not to mention that added benefit is that He makes me sleep like a baby because He wears my body out. He knows how to push my buttons while giving my body the best workout ever! 

 So with my new found knowledge that i like the idea of being put into a position or putting myself into position myself for Him, i plan on asking as that being part of things....starting in some sort of position or that i have to come up with some way to present myself to Him at a certain time every night (unless something happens and i tell Him when we first come into bed that night). That it helps get me into the mindset. Now, i know that it is more of a thing for slaves but it really does help me. It is helping me to break the barrier of getting into the mindset of Master loves my body the way it is and has seen it at its best and worst. He loves me for who i am and i need to remember that. This will help me remember my position while also creating an amazing view for Master because He may never know how i will dress or present myself for the night for Him. There are so many different things i could do and who knows He may invent a few too. Wish me luck because i already have an idea in my head for tonight, just not sure which one id like to do. :) Heres to embracing a new side of me that may be a little late in coming out, but my belief is better late than never right? :D

***none of the pictures used are mine but were found using google***

A Day to Remember.....

   Man today was such a good day I cant believe it. There were so many good things and it was just a gorgeous beautiful day. To top it off, i got to play softball with my church, which I love playing softball. There was so many good things with my parents too that I was extremely surprised.
          I started out the day by heading to church. I had to get there early for youth group so that I could go to church before softball. I couldnt believe that I was finally getting to play softball again. But back to church. I got there and found my parents and got to talk to them for the first time since my mom and I had a big blowout. It was amazing. I talked to her about the accident and I honestly thought she was going to be mad at me. I gave her the piece of paper with all the information on it and everything I remembered from the accident. After talking with her and her seeing the damage and me showing her the pictures of the accident, she told me not to worry about it because there wasnt damage to his car to really file anyting. She also told me she thought that he was driving on a suspended license and might check into that. I am just glad that she's not upset about what happened and is understanding of it. She told me not to worry about it, that accidents happen and it wasnt my fault she would take care of it. I cant admit how relieved I felt about it.
          After youth group, which was kind of funny itself. We ended up finishing up the youth group all under the trees. We were all spaced out, but it seemed that we were all put into time out because of how we were spaced. I thought this was hilarious and laughed it off. It was a good youth group discussion about things God does for us and it had to do with the abbreviation ACTS. It was amazing and I actually enjoyed the lesson.
   Church ended and I met up with my parents. Come to find out, I didnt have to be at the fields at 11:30 like I thought so I opted to spend some time with my parents and grab lunch with them and a friend. It was funny because I was texting him and my dad yells at me to turn my phone off that nothing is so important it cant wait til after lunch. Laughing I let him know and he was okay with it. Lunch was amazing and I got to talk with my parents and a couple friends from church. It was amazing and I got lunch for free. I was surprised that my parents offered for me to pay, but hey I'm not going to complain about free food. i felt it was a step in the right direction, but I'm still taking it one day at a time with them. I am just glad I have support either way with whatever happens to my relationship with them.
          I started out the day playing an extra game of softball. It was so much fun because I picked up an extra game. I did really well playing second base where they put me. I think that I may request that they put me there because I am so used to playing it or short stop. I just dont think I can do outfield with my knee, it's a crap ton of dead sprints the whole game long to backup first base. But then again, I'm happy with any position. We ended up coming from behind and winning the game, but sadly had to forfeit the game because my real team was playing a few minutes later on the other field. It was so much fun to play, but i am mad at myself because of how I was hitting in that game. But I guess mistakes will be made after not playing since last season.
        We ended up playing the best team in the league for our second game. It was not fun at all and we got our butts handed to us with at least 17 or 18 to nothing. It was crazy but a fun game. We tried fighting, but there were just mistakes all over the field to be honest. The third game we ended up doing better. I couldnt believe it and I hit way better after C told me what I was doing wrong. I just need to work on getting used to a bat being between my feet while hitting, keeping my back foot down, and watching the ball all the way in. I have a bad habit of not watching the ball. But I know that I can fix it with practice and persistance, especially with wanting to make sure I do well or my best every game.
           The day ended with me having dinner with my friend. She is amazing and we have been close friends since I started college. We met at a college party, oddly enough, and have been great friends ever since. I met up with her and we sat and talked for a while. It was so amazing....we sat and talked for at least a good twenty to thirty minutes after paying. It was so crazy because she is one of my closest friends and knows what I'm into. We talked about my new boy and it was so amazing and she could tell I was so happy. She asked about like where he was from and all. It was so cool just talking to her and telling her how happy he has made me. It's crazy to think that one guy can make me so happy. It's like everything he does is truly to make sure I'm happy. He has been there for me at my worst, seen me at my best, and knows my weak points and is still okay to stand there and support me no matter what I do. I can admit that I thought I had felt this way about someone before, but I was completely wrong. There are no words to describe how he makes me feel, and I dont know if he knows just what he's done for me in the short time he's known me. I feel that with him being there to help guide and push me to become a better person not only because he wants me to be happy, but he has taught me that I need to take care of myself along with trying to take care of others.
          I cant believe all the different things I'm noticing in myself after the short time we've been talking. I love it and cant wait to see the more that come. I also realized tonight that I do respond very well to "the look". I noticed it tonight that one of the girls was acting up and all it took was for one of the guys to clear his throat or look at her and she completely shut up. The funny thing was I started laughing inside and realized I do that too when it comes to him. Although I sometimes think I'm getting "the look" and I may not be, but the couple times I've gotten it I changed my tune real quick. I guess you can say I'm a quick learner, but I like that look anyways. I guess because to me it is a warning to be careful that you're in dangerous waters and that he means business. I'm curious as to what else I may find out about him when it comes to these type of things.
         I guess I'm just enjoying life right now. It is going amazing and even when there are downhills, he's been there so far to calm me down and let me know not to stress too much over things. I really think and this is my guess here, but I know for sure there was a higher power at work here. Either way I know there was, but I think there was a reason for us to start talking. He's just amazing and everything. I definitely cant wait to see him and finally see what it feels like to sleep in his arms, especially after realizing that the other night I couldnt go to sleep til i talked to him. I guess its because I have gotten so used to talking to him every night that to not talk to him set things going haywire.