In all honesty, i think my rebellious side was curbed while i was here more out of fear of doing something wrong and being kicked out of the military. This is reinforced when everything you hear is a threat to either be discharged or washed back because of something so innocent as a strained knee. Yes, i understand the military is as high paced and you have to keep up, but sometimes these little things arent anything to affect training like they make it out to. Anyways, i think this side has been curbed until now because i find myself becoming more and more rebellious of things here, but i check it knowing that Master wouldnt be pleased if i took it too far.
"the wrestling occurred with us completely dressed. And yet it was SUCH a turn on. He had me
pinned and I was fighting with everything I had to get him off of me. There were a couple times
I felt like I even moved him a little. But the kicker of this was he was over me, holding me down,
and just laughing the whole time. This was like throwing gasoline onto my fire! I wanted so badly
to throw him off of me, to make him stop laughing so amusedly at me. And this only made him
laugh more and hold me down harder. Seeing the pure enjoyment on his face and trying SO hard
to unpin myself from the bed really brought out the fighter in me. I struggled so hard! I never did
get unpinned. Although, I will say he thought I was pretty strong (for a girl).
But this battle, this struggle, even though he was laughing and I was fighting with all my might
and not really moving him much, only ended up turning me on more! I felt like he was so strong,
so powerful and so sadistic!"
This is the most amazing description ever of how i feel when Master takes me in His arms after chasing me down. I dont know why but my body seems to desire and loves playing the catch me game every now and then. Although i have to say that Master is very good at playing some times and others He's not the slightest bit amused with it. He seems to tell when im in these moods because somehow there is a twinkle in my eye and He can tell im up to no good. I wonder if this is the same expression that little kids get when you can tell they are about to go and get themselves into some kind of trouble.
Anyways, i could go on for days about that feeling and how Master knows but im sure that many could guess how He knows.....because He is my Master and knows everything about me and how i work. That's why. But when He tackles me back onto the bed and pins me, im sure that He can see in every fiber of my being that i love but hate being pinned at the same time. Watching Him grin at me and knowing that evil smile drives me even more to try and get lose of His grip. I wasnt lucky enough last time to get out of His grip, but everytime i know that i will try to get out. I guess its just the fighter in me coming out, but when He holds me down and shows me that im going no where and He is the one in control, makes me feel even more turned on and tends to get me wetter and wetter. I crave that right now so badly. I crave being dominated and shown who is the Master and who is in charge. It's not that i dont know, so dont get me wrong i definitely know my place and where i stand but sometimes i like it to be reaffirmed.
The other constantly floating thought in my consciousness when it comes to Master is the need that i feel growing inside of me. I honestly never thought that i would feel so at home in the world of BDSM or that i would find such a loving and caring Master. He is truly amazing and knows how to push me and pull me and just take me to the brink everytime. There is that craving to submit to Him so strongly right now. Being miles and miles away from Him, it seems so hard for me to submit to Him the way i want to. I find myself struggling with being able to talk to Him while also fulfilling my other duties that im supposed to do as well as take care of everything here. There are numerous times that i wasnt the good lil one that i was supposed to be. Of course ill be punished for that when i get home(most of it being my mouth which i know is wrong and not lady like at all but when you're around it 24/7 and try to fight it, it will still eventually get you). I crave just Him and His touch and just need to submit. This is all said beautifully on the same blog that i quoted earlier and again all credit goes to her.
"I need to be used as his sex toy. I need him to use my body so rough. To grab my face and slap it, then slap it again with his cock. I need my mouth choked with his hard cock, as he rams it down my throat. I need his hands around my throat, grabbing me tightly while he fucks me. I need to feel his burning smacks on my ass, as he's spanking me over and over. I need to be on all fours in front of him on the bed, while he stands next to it, shoving his cock in and out of my mouth. Then I need him on top of me again, shoving his cock so hard, deep in my pussy, then fucking my mouth again, letting me taste my cum on his cock. I need to hear the desire in his voice as he says “good girl” as I cum and cum and cum, all over his hand and his cock. I need to feel the urgency in his body, as he's fucking my mouth, as I struggle to take him all and suck and stroke him, while he's slamming it so hard in and out of my mouth. I need to hear him laugh under his breath, as he's fucking my mouth so hard, hearing me gag and then going right back to sucking and taking all of his cock. I need to feel his orgasm, feel his body shudder, his cock shooting his hot cum past my mouth, straight down my throat. I need to suck his cock dry, keeping it in my mouth and gently tonguing and sucking it until he removes it from me."
It's crazy that i find other submissives writing about feelings that i cant quite figure out how to express. I just wish i knew how to express them in words just as well as they do because they seem to place them out there so well and to me i feel like im not getting it right at all. These words describe all the need for Him and His cock and the cravings i find myself facing everyday. Much like today, i found myself at the randomest moment getting wet for Master just thinking about Him in the middle of class. Yes, i should have been paying attention, but sometimes my need for Master overwhelms my need to pay attention. This is something i will probably learn to fix, but for now i channel these feelings and try to focus on other things so as not to seem too needy. I know Master is struggling just as much as His lil one is with being so far away and not really being able to do anything about it. My one happy thought is only a few more days and then im out of here and home for about 4-5 days and then to Master's loving arms and collar and ring and just so much else. I love Him so much and cant wait to finally be able to truly say "Honey im home".