Sunday, September 27, 2015

Catching up.....

So first off, i have to admit that i didnt realize how long it had been since i last wrote in my blog. Omg do i feel bad for those that look for a post to see if i'm still around. Promise i havent disappeared, but life has most certainly gotten chaotic around here. 

Master is back in school and is working hard to get His certifications back. Which im SOOOOO proud of Him in doing so. He is working hard to make sure that He can provide for His family and it makes me love Him so much more. Now im not going to lie, but it brings out the lovely feelings down inside that before long i will be able to enjoy making His lunch and waiting for Him when He gets home and hopefully having dinner ready on the table. 

On top of that, im back in school and working towards my degree. It has been kind of chaotic getting back into the swing of things are going through a period where i felt that i wasnt really being challenged. Now i ended up challenging myself, and possibly too much as Master has been so good to point out, and have taken on 18 hours this semester. It has been a rough spot so far and i have been struggling slightly with getting my assignments handed in on time and studying and just balancing it with the chaotic life of being married and having a child. 

Family life has gotten very crazy and there has been so much that has changed since the last time i wrote. Christmas has brought some very strong emotions up in that i went out to visit my biological father for the second time and his wife, who i call mum because she was like a mother to me (even more of a mother than the one that gave birth to me). It was there that my dad revealed to me all the paperwork that he had been keeping over the years from the custody and divorce battle between him and my mother, and towards the end my stepfather. Reading through those and finding out all about how different things are really was shocking to me. Those letters revealed that she was trying to hide from him. He had to get the police involved to get them to let her know that she was being called in to court, not to mention at the time she left the state and flew all the way to the otherside of the country to keep me from him (which in my opinion was kidnapping at the time). 

My biological mother is a liar and has been lying to me my entire life after those documents revealed her true nature. She told my biological father in a letter that he just needed to give up and let me go because i was calling another man daddy and that was how it was going to be and that he just needed to accept it that way. It was hurtful to me that she would do this. I didnt get to make a choice at all and that is the part that infuriates me! She, for whatever reason, chose that he would be cut out of my life! The whole time growing up whenever i had asked about him growing up i would be told that he chose to not be involved in my life and he is the one who didnt call or write or send anything. However the letters revealed that she told him that i was going to be adopted by my stepfather and that he should just go ahead and let me go and forget about me because i wasnt going to know him. 

Since finding out about all of this, i have been struggling with what to do and how to manage things.

(these are some ramblings that i forgot to post)

2 comments:

  1. You have absolutely no master
    but the One, True Jesus;
    You were worshipping the horizontal:
    DO NOT do that anymore.
    If you're insecure and immature,
    that's parta the human condition
    which God knows full well some
    people are more prone to having
    their ego stroked - I couldn't
    give a rat's ass WHAT chumps thot
    of this mortal: I have only One
    Being whom I try to please daily
    and He aint on the earth nomo.

    Only 2 Commandments U must fulfill
    to make it into Seventh-Heaven:
    1. Love your God alone
    (while others you can love
    in descending order);
    2. Love everyone else... even Isis.
    They're TRULY lost,
    following radical Islam
    which aint what the GoodLord sed.
    Decide NOW where you wanna be
    after our Divine Judgement based
    on what WE sinfull mortals did in
    our wee, wee existence.

    trustNjesus, lil one.
    ALWAYS.
    God bless your indelible soul.
    cya Upstairs someday...

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have absolutely no master
    but the One, True Jesus;
    You were worshipping the horizontal:
    DO NOT do that anymore.
    If you're insecure and immature,
    that's parta the human condition
    which God knows full well some
    people are more prone to having
    their ego stroked - I couldn't
    give a rat's ass WHAT chumps thot
    of this mortal: I have only One
    Being whom I try to please daily
    and He aint on the earth nomo.

    Only 2 Commandments U must fulfill
    to make it into Seventh-Heaven:
    1. Love your God alone
    (while others you can love
    in descending order);
    2. Love everyone else... even Isis.
    They're TRULY lost,
    following radical Islam
    which aint what the GoodLord sed.
    Decide NOW where you wanna be
    after our Divine Judgement based
    on what WE sinfull mortals did in
    our wee, wee existence.

    trustNjesus, lil one.
    ALWAYS.
    God bless your indelible soul.
    cya Upstairs someday...

    ReplyDelete