Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I live for little moments like this....

   Wow, today couldnt get any better then what it has been in my opinion. The funny thing is that we didnt do anything, but it's still amazing that today was better then i ever thought possible.
   The day started after the two of us woke up. A 3 1/2 hour car ride one way to the recruiter can be a little exhausting with the heat that has been hitting the area lately. I think it was about low 90s yesterday while we were traveling, which was incredibly hot to me. The weird thing was that we burned more gas driving down the road with the A/C on compared to riding down with the windows down. With the windows down, we barely burned any gas at all and made it all the way up to TN and made it to lunch with my mother and the visit to my recruiter and then back to our first stop area. It was weird because when we put the windows up for phone calls that we got while driving down the road, we watched the gas gauge slowly creep down. But after they were put back down, the gauge barely moved at all.
   Visiting with the recruiter seemed to not really phase me at all yesterday. I found out some amazing news and some not so great news. The bad news was that for Christmas, I may not be able to make it home to celebrate Christmas with Him at the actual time or not. I hate the thought that i might not be able to spend time with Him for the holidays when the holiday actually is. My happy thought is that at least i'll get to celebrate the holidays with Him some point around that time. The good news was that nothing was wrong and that i was eligible for recruiting assistance. This meant that if i dont get a base close to Him, i can work close to home and visit Him on weekends. :D This made my day. I'm not totally sure how things will work out, but i know that either way we will make things work.
   The funny thing is that lately i have been so gung ho about finding a Jeep. It's crazy because everytime i see a jeep for sale im look "oh look its a jeep" and He just looks at me and laughs. It's hilarious because i have never felt like i wanted to drive a jeep so bad, but Him mentioning that i should get one makes me laugh. I have always wanted a jeep and He is just prodding this love of jeeps and bringing out the true country side of me. I have always been a country girl, but my parents kind of surpressed it and made me believe that it was bad to be like this. I love that since i have met Him i have come out of my shell so much and i know there are still pieces of it that are left and will take a little bit longer to come off. With Him helping me though, i doubt it will take long.
   Anyways back to the day..both of us were exhausted after not really sleeping at all last night. We both had bad dreams that it just seemed couldnt be real. My dream was horrible and His was equally horrible. He had dreamed that i had cheated on Him with my ex. I reassured Him telling Him that there was no way that would happen. He told me whatt all had happened and how He gave me a choice between me and the guy (who happened to be my ex) and I told Him that i didnt know in the dream. To me this would NEVER EVER happen because i know that no matter what the choice will always be Him...there is just no choice for me ever. I love Him so much and He is my whole world. I know He is the one for me. He is the one to guide me and love me and comfort me when i need it. He is the only one that i ever wish to serve and will serve. I look forward to the future ahead and know i will be walking into it with my hand in His.
   The other part of the night was me having a bad dream to where i had a tornado chasing me and my sister's baby. She had a baby boy and somehow he was just left sitting out on the front porch and being the aunt i had to take care of him. It's crazy because it doesnt matter who's baby it is, but i find myself with that mother instinct kicking in. It makes me wonder that when i eventually do have kids (whenever that may be in the future) if i will make a good mom or if i will be bad and not know how to do things. It's crazy because i think about this, but im not a mom nor do i want to be right now just because of my situation in life right now. Oh well, i guess such is life and im sure ill find out soon enough.
    Well today we lounged around and i took care of getting my student loan information together. My recruiter waits until the week before i'm supposed to leave to tell me that i have to get him the promissory notes together and then when i finally message them to him, he tells me that he needs to know how much i have in loans. After that is where the bad news came. He told me that the military was only going to pay for one of the loans because there wasnt enough time to consolidate it. I couldnt believe it because this makes me mad. If i had been told from the get go that i had to consolidate them for them to be paid off, i would have. But oh well, enough complaining since i'm getting at least 5,500 out of debt with my student debts. i can at least be happy for that much.
   I feel proud that i accomplished that much and got to make sure everything was good on my computer. I cant believe there is so little time left before i leave but im glad that im spending every last bit of time with Him. He is the one person who has yet to disappoint me or leave me behind in the dust when they got tired of me. Yesterday i was in tears telling Him this after my mother told me about how they would be closing the house on the day i left and just how i feel like my parents keep breaking me down more and more, only occasionally giving me moments of happiness or praise. It's like my entire life they have left me on my own and now that i am on my own they dont like it and they dont like that im finally happy. I mean especially considering the fact that my mom told me not to even think about marriage or thinks that im going to have a long distance relationship with Him. (apologizing right now for my language because good girls dont say ugly words but its venting) Who the fuck does she think she is to tell me when i can and cant get married or even that i can only have a long distance relationship with Him. Like hell i will. This is my life and the only person that i have to answer to now is Him and only Him because He is my Master. But in that knowledge, He doesnt tell me how to feel or when to feel it or anything of that nature. He encourages me to better myself by improving myself in various things. He in no way whatsoever has done anything close to what they have done. It's crazy because i am planning on writing an email letting them know everything about how they have made me feel before i leave and letting Him hear it before i send it.
   I find myself not as nervous today as i think about the HUGE step in front of me. After His reassurances yesterday, i know now that i wont have any kind of problems. Well, i cant say i wont but i know that things will be a little bit easier knowing that He will be there no matter what and even if i dont make it all the way through, as long as i did my best He will be happy with me. I only hope that i make it through and dont get counted out because of a medical reason or some other reason. I have a strong will and strong support from Him and i know without a doubt that He will be there at my graduation come hell or high water. My parents i have no idea, especially with them decided to close on a house the day that i leave (which they chose the date not the bank for those who know how this process works).
    Today was amazing and i wouldnt change it for all the money in the world. I find myself soaking up the little things about Him from the way He makes me laugh to just watching Him sleep when i get that rare opportunity. This being said because He is usually the one up way before me. I cant believe how much i am already thinking about missing His smile or even His stern look letting me know i'm in trouble. It's weird because the more i try not to think about me leaving, i find myself thinking about leaving even more. I just cant believe that i'm leaving in a few days. It's going to be a major change for sure, but im ready for it with Him by side and there for me every step of the way. Besides i'm excited to look for that first actual apartment after i get out of my tech school at my first base. I'm hoping to get a base somewhere in the south close to Him, but who knows. Its the luck of the draw and i guess im hoping to get lucky. The good thing is that He has told me He will go with me as long as it's not at certain places which makes it even better to me. I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life and hopefully my parents will either want to be a part of it and realize that i'm no longer a child or they wont be in my life anymore.
   Oh, the other good news was i talked to my sister yesterday. I'm so excited to be an aunt again and just cant wait for that baby to be here. I wont get to see the baby until a few weeks after it's born because she's not allowing anyone there for the first couple weeks so the two of them can have time with the baby. I understand this because when she had my niece, my mother took the baby from her and was doing things like the first bath and everything. I understand she was trying to help, but she should have let my sister do those things. So i totally understand where she's coming from. I am so proud of my sister and cant wait to see where her future goes.
   Well, all my musings for the day are over. My thoughts now are on what He got as ideas from checking out Spanking tube and what the jeep is selling for down the street. I really do want a jeep and if i might be able to work something out (highly doubt it, but hey its worth a shot) and it would also give Him a way home and He could drive the jeep around while i'm in basic and bring it when i graduate tech school. That would be so awesome and id die if it actually was possible but who knows. I might see if He wants to make a trip down the road to see about a jeep for sale or at least make a phone call :D

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