Monday, June 21, 2010

Musings as we head down the road.....

   It seems that my day can be going fine and dandy but in an instant can get bad. I thought I was being good but today just wasn't my day again. I find myself in trouble yet again today,but more for my sassy attitude then anything.
   On top of being in trouble and facing punishment tonight, I am still reeling from lunch with my mother. I can't believe how it seemed to go well, but she was telling me what to do again and He saw that. Thankfully He was able to hold His tongue because He was the better person here. Lunch aggravated me slightly but I got to see my mother.
   Lunch consisted of her spending the entire time talking to me for the most part. She barely tried getting to know Him which upset me because she claims she wants to know what's going on in my life, but when given chance to know does nothing. She told me no way was I to even think about marriage and had already decided they were taking my car and keeping it for themselves when I leave,without my choice on if I was keeping it and putting it in my name. The bad part was when she said I was spoiled rotten.
   I couldn't believe all she had said and who was she to tell me to not even think about marriage or assume that we would be having a long distance relationship. The crazy, but good thing is He knew what to expect and handled things amazingly. I probably would have become so mad at her if He hadn't been there. She even asked us if we thought this long distance thing would work out, but if she wanted to know her answer is in where I have been the past month....Hmmm where was I at? His house spending time with Him. I hate to seem like I gripe and complain a lot about them, but still being under their control with the car the last string I feel torn and just trapped. Thankfully He has been there through the tears and anger and frustration to help me get back to being rational again.
   I have a new happy note though! I can't believe that my sis is pregnant! I'm going to be an aunt again. I'm so excited for her more then anything because she has tried and had so many problems in trying to have another child. I couldn't be any happier for her and her husband. I know she has a long road ahead of her, but I know she'll do everything to make sure this baby makes it safe and sound into this world. The bad thing is yet again my parents who are two faced about my sister and her amazing news. Oh well she has told them her thoughts on their relationship with her. I'm the last one that needs to do so.
   After that good news all that's left is thoughts of my upcoming major life change. I know the military owns you for some time, but I doubt they'll own me like He does at least. I'm finding myself more nervous about if I'm ready or just nervous thoughts about making it through. I know it will be hard and tough,but I refuse to give up and disappoint Him. I guess its more nervous because I'll be leaving behind all I know and creating a new life for myself, with Him included.
   Well enough sad thoughts. I'll have enough being sad tonight when I face my punishment for my sassy mouth today. I realized just how much I'll miss His cuteness and how He sings along with the radio with me or just riding around with my feet on the dashboard and Him driving. His smile makes me light up and giggle just like His "look" can make me stop and shiver up because I know what it means. There is so much I'm going to miss about Him and I hope He knows just how much I love Him. He's the only one that has stood to fight in my corner before and I know I'd be lost if it wasn't for Him. The poem below is how much I love Him and wish time to fly by after Monday til I'm back in His arms again.

When I first met You my heart melted from that gorgeous smile and accent,
You were the southern guy I had dreamed to find all my life,
Your charming smile and accent made me fall in love with You,
Unable to resist Your charm I fall more and more in love everyday.

You were my Master from the beginnig I just didn't know it yet,
For those eyes captured me and my heart felt like it'd explode,
I am so happy to be Your lil one I just can't think of how to explain it,
I know I love You so much and those feelings only continue to grow.

I love you baby and will miss Your smile and beautiful eyes,
Those eyes full of wonder and a hint of danger when I crossed the line,
But in them I see nothing but love and compassion even when I am wrong,
For Your lil one is always safest right there in Your arms.

Heart pounding so fast I hear it in my ears,
I wonder if Your heartbeat is the same as mine,
For true love its said the two hearts beat as one,
Knowing the song the other's heart sings.

You knew the song my heart was singing deep inside though it was low,
Listening You slowly sang Your song to me as I wept my tears of joy,
For the two songs were in reality one and the same between us,
I cried for that was how You knew my thoughts and emotions so well.

My training started and I was weary at first but definitely jumped in,
Your loving and safe arms would protect me along my long journey,
Slowly we grew as the days went by as we learned more about the other,
I was Yours and it didn't take long for me to adapt to life by Your side. 

Lessons were learned as my stubborn side came out,
Standing there I felt Your firm hand to guide me,
Reassuring me I was going to be okay but had done wrong,
For Your hand ruled fair and strong dealing out the licks one by one.

I have grown so much with You and that I can see now,
Not knowing what the future holds is a scary thought for me,
You reassure me though I'll be better the more I grow,
As more lessons are learned and new things found about myself today.

Stepping forward into the future scares me and You know this thought so well,
Pledging to stay beside me the whole way Your hand links with mine,
Fingers interlocked a symbol to me our future is now entertwined,
I only hope to make You proud but as long as I'm Yours all is well to me.

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