Saturday, September 8, 2012

Admission of guilt

    So the title of this post says it all....i have an admission of guilt and im not sure how to admit this to Master, so i guess here is as good as any place. Part of my new rules is that for my school work He has a copy of all my deadlines and i have to let Him know when things are due. This is partially because my brain has been kind of scattered since i had the baby and it helps me keep on top of my school work while keeping Him in the loop. There is a planner that i have written all my due dates and projects and papers and just everything needed for all my classes.
    Here is where the admission comes in....like i mentioned above He knows about all my school stuff. Taking 4 classes can keep me pretty busy, on top of the fact that i am a new mother and taking care of our little one, and most recently started back to work, on top of dealing with my illness coming back. More news on that in a minute. But i have to admit that i missed a quiz in my statistics class. The deadline happened the second night i was at work and i was so exhausted from the night before that i had no time to get on and take care of that quiz. There is no reason that i should have missed it because it should have been taken care of before i went to work. The night before when i was getting my body used to working nights, i should have been working on that instead of playing mario or looking up kitchen tables. It was a mistake on my part that i have learned from. So tonight, i am doing nothing but homework with a sociology paper due tomorrow, statistics quiz due tonight, sociology quiz due tonight, english discussions due monday, statistics project due monday. There is a lot to get done and i can only blame myself because i have been slacking on it and putting it off just because i want to.
     So work lately has been crazy. Just starting back to work, i am back to working 12-13hr shifts and am working nights. The bad part is that i found out the day before that i was going to be working nights so that i had no time to get used to staying up throughout the night. Although the good part of that is that on my days off, i can work on my homework becuase our little one sleeps through the night. She is doing so well at sleeping and is starting to sleep for about 5 hour stretches, which is plenty of time to work on homework. But the crazy part is that im only supposed to be doing admin type work, but they have me violating the doctors orders and helping search trucks. Well needless to say i complained about it and they werent too happy that they got their butts chewed for messing up. The whole group that i work with got briefed about taking things outside our work group.
      It's frustrating and i hate that i have to go back to work because to be honest i feel like im missing out so much on my little girl's life. Yesterday was the first time i was able to really snuggle with her and feed her because she was either sleeping or i was sleeping because i had to get ready for work. She is growing so much and i cant believe it, but i hate the fact that i have to miss out on a lot working this schedule. Master is good though and is sending me pictures and videos while im at work and can bring her by if i miss her too much, but it still sucks to kill that much time waiting to get home to her.
     Well i guess that's all there is to say. Master wants some taco bell and that sounds really good for dinner, so im off to pick it up for the both of us. Wish me luck because im sure ill get a punishment out of missing a quiz because that is going to effect this grade in my statistics class because i now have a zero in it :( Hopefully i can make that up with everything else. This is the hardest load semester i have so i may not blog too much on here too often in trying to keep up with homework, meeting Master's needs, taking care of our little one, and working. Wish me luck i dont go insane before i can be taken out of this career.

2 comments:

  1. May I just say that you sound like you are learning to balance an awful lot of different responsibilities?
    I understand about setting targets and wanting to do your very best. That is important and admirable. But what you are doing is very, very difficult. Please do not be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are doing your best to make amends and make progress.
    I am sure your Master will see and appreciate this.

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    1. Thank you :) i really do feel like it's a lot at times. i had the option of taking off school for this semester, but i felt if i did that i wouldnt go back. im trying my hardest and for the most part have been doing very well at keeping up with everything until this week. Work was supposed to be a 5 day a week 8 hour shift but they are being stubborn. Its just a kink in my plans that i have to deal with. Thank you for the words of support. i just feel like sometimes i have to be supermom and do everything at once and when i cant do it, i feel upset. Master is trying to help me realize i dont have to do that, i can just be mommy and do everything at my pace and our little girl will still love me.

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