Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Confusion and feeling lost

    Okay so normally my post have some sort of lifestyle application to them, but not this time. This more a post of putting my feelings out there in a place where i am comfortable doing so and know that it is safe.
    Today was an early start to the day with me going to another doctor's appointment this morning. Since i had our little one, my symptoms are starting to come back. I have been noticing more frequent occurances of side pain, although i dont say much until it gets too bad because i have learned to deal with it. Ive also started noticing that my back is hurting more like it did before, but i try to ignore it because there is so much that needs to be done and i thought it was just from the pregnancy and all the bedrest. Well this doctor's appointment went much the same as the last, with the doctor basically telling me that everything was caused by me being either depressed or it was caused by gas from being lactose intolerant.
    It is very hard to hear from a doctor when you are trying to explain that the pain started before you got pregnant, tell you that it could be caused by gas or being lactose intolerant or being mentally/emotionally/spiritually unbalanced. The gas or the lactose intolerant is fine but to be told that i need some mental/emotional help is just wrong and hard to swallow. I am not mentally/emotionally unstable and definitely that is not what is causing my pain. That has been ruled out on multiple occasions by the mental health people and also by the test they had me do to officially rule out that i wasnt depressed. I am depressed now, but that is from the pregnancy and not my sickness.
    Anyways, the doctor basically told me today that i needed to have a colonoscopy done, urine collection to rule out a kidney infection or stones, ultrasound and cts of my abdomen to check that out, see a rhumatologist at some future date, and to speak with mental health because my problem is mental/emotiona;/spirtual based. I mean who needs to hear that! On top of that wonderful news, I went to work and had to get my maternity leave signed off on. Come to find out, i have to get a different doctor than my ob to sign off on it and then they will talk about my time off once my maternity leave is up. It makes me wonder if they are going to turn it down after, which will piss me off because its not like im doing anything anyways other than going to my doctors appointments and trying to make sure that im taken care of with what work needs from me.
    It is just disheartening to be told everything that i did this morning. Maybe its just the whole emotions going off right now from the pregnancy but it really upsets me and makes me feel worthless. Everything that i have tried today was wrong and its like i screwed it all up. I just wish for once things would go right...but have to stop for now because the little one is waking up and i dont want her to wake Master up especially after He didnt get to sleep until almost 7 this morning :(

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry you're having problems! I hope you feel better very soon.