Monday, June 3, 2013

Rough week is an understatement....

    So this week has most definitely been a rough week for both Master and me. At the beginning of the week, Master woke me up to inform me that our new german shepherd puppy that we had gotten was dead. It was heartbreaking for me because she hadn't been a part of our family long at all. To start off with, when we got her we found out that she had a major infestation of ring and roundworms. They were so bad that even the vet was shocked. She also had a heart murmur that the vet said was more than likely because of the large amount of worms in her body. When we got her, she was 9 weeks and 5 days old. We took her to the vet at 10 weeks and 4 days. Not even a week after taking her to the vet and getting medicine to treat the worms and then giving it to her, she died. Master found her in the bathroom after going in to use it and it was already too late. We had been putting her in the bathroom at night with a pillow and a towel over it to simulate her old surroundings with her littermates and mother. It just sucked to find out that she was sicker than either one of us ever thought possible. She had such a short life and she was already loved so much and was such a sweet and good dog that she didn't deserve to die. :( The only reason that i can think of is that the people who we got her from were complete idiots and didn't realize to deworm her and the rest of her littermates at 4 weeks, especially when i have a vet tell me that a 9 week old puppy should not have the amount of worms that she did. Ugh, end tangent although that doesn't end the pain of losing her.
    On another note, today Master and i got news that a family member passed away. It just sucks because this family member was looking forward to our child's first birthday. It just sucks finding out this kind of news and the timing isn't great, but when is the timing ever great to find out that a family member passed away? So now Master and i are dealing with that.
     So on to other news that is a little more spicy at least concerning Master and i. So far it has been a battle between the two of us and adjusting to the new rules that were set forth after Master came up with them. Lately, Master and i have been working on things and i have been trying to get better at communicating with him instead of bottling things up and getting mad at him. The first big to do after the rules was in the car on the way home. We were trying to figure out what to do for dinner and because of my health i have a limited amount of things/places i can eat. For some reason i cant eat red meat in huge quantities and very often at all. It was bad because He wasn't in the mood for what i suggested and it was all i could think about for what i could eat and our budget as far as choices went. So i got frustrated and then got mad and it just continued. To put it mildly that i was a bit upset was an understatement. Master and i stopped for a drink and while i was getting it, He brought up the rules and reminding me that i had signed them and showed me where it said that i wasn't allowed to shake my head as an answer to His questions. Master told me that i signed those rules and agreed to it that i would follow them and i wasn't acting like i was going to follow them. It hurt hearing those words come out of His mouth, but i knew that He was right and i wasn't acting like it. He told me that He loved me and the two of us made up, but it still sucked that i let Him down and wasn't holding up my end of the bargain. So far i haven't been punished for that, but then again sometimes Master does like to keep me on my toes and guessing when i will get my punishment for something. Sometimes He punishes me that night and others He punishes me days or a week or two later, letting me stew in my mess.
       This brings me to what i feel today. To me, im not sure if Master is just waiting until things calmed down or what the plan is but i know He has a plan....He always does!! Today has left me wondering about things. The past few days i have let a few things slip, not purposely, but it was one of those things where i just didn't feel like doing it. Right now there is laundry sitting across from me that is waiting to be folded (and will be taken care of first thing in the morning after i get up and am ready to go). Its just sometimes i feel like i just don't know what to feel and just feel blah, while at the same time i know that i need to be a good submissive and do these things. Lately i feel like im being a brat and sometimes wanting to push buttons, but there has been so much that has gone on that i don't want to be a brat to Master. That is not who i am and that is definitely not the person that Master met up with when He met me and we discussed what we liked and didn't like.
     Part of the rules for Master and i is that we try new things in the lifestyle or that i be open to it and lately i have been thinking a lot about things in the lifestyle. Tonight i found something that id like to try, but haven't had a chance to yet. When Master and i got our first toys, one of them was a vibrating egg with a remote and so far we haven't had a chance to try it because the batteries went out as soon as we got it. The problem is that the batteries for it are super expensive because theyre the small little round disk type. Its always been a fantasy of mine to go to dinner somewhere with Master as just the two of us and He has the remote and im at His mercy, trying to hold myself together as He enjoys the view. The other thing is maybe at some point me and Him can go camping just the two of us and enjoy the great outdoors together because that has always been a wish of mine too. There are a lot of things that id like to try that im slowly working on and trying to figure out as to what id love to try with Master, not including what is running through His head.
     So that is it for now. Time to go wallow in my own fantasies and snuggle with Master.

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