Friday, January 17, 2014

Emotional Turmoil

Today has left me feeling a little, how do i put it, overwhelmed and a few other emotions. It is weird because i find myself having these moments of inspiration and then others where i hit self doubt and wonder if i can really do this. Panic mode may have set in just a little bit as well.
Guess to explain why the emotional turmoil, i have to explain whats going on in my head and world right now. Today was my third day of classes (although my second day in a particular class as they alternate days) and it has left me feeling very overwhelmed and wondering. This morning was my anatomy class and while i was surprised by how well i kept up, i cant help but wonder if that is me with a false sense of confidence. Am i being over confident to the point where it will cause me to fail in the end or am i just trying to psych myself out so that i do as well as i wish to? Either way my mind is hoping and praying that this semester goes better than the last (not my best grades ever.....i missed a lot of what i should have gotten done).
In 7 months time frame i will be applying for nursing school. Last night i had a professor say that my school's nursing program is more competitive than another school that is supposedly more prestigious. It terrifies me to think that my school is way more competitive and they only allow in at most 125-130 students. Will i be able to become a part of that number of nursing students and experience that happiness? Will i get in the first time i apply? Will my scores and grades be good enough for the people judging me to accept me and let me in the program? Will i do well on the TEAS test that im required to take or will i bomb it and have to hope and pray that i pass the second time? There are so many questions running through my head concerning the nursing program and if im good enough. It seems everyone has these self doubt moments and im hoping this is just that.
Call it early jitters or whatever else you wish to call it, but i feel like im so worried about if i will get in or not and if i will be good enough to get in. This semester is going to be hard and i find myself wondering if i will have enough time to devote to Master like He needs me to, O/our child and family time so that they feel loved, balance time to work on my school assignments and studying and reviewing notes, spending time with friends and family, work, and just taking time for myself. A wise friend/mentor suggested setting time away for myself to ensure that i dont get burn out, but how do you do that when there are such huge expectations and milestones coming up that are what will make/break you? This is what im struggling with the most is figuring out how to balance all of these while still working towards my goal of becoming a nurse.
Maybe i just need some encouragement, but today has found me struggling. So friends if any of Y/you have any words of encouragement, i could use it today. This feeling may come and go throughout the semester as i know i took on a huge challenge, but im determined to work through this somehow. :) Hopefully today will pass and i will get back to my inspired self, but for now i dont feel so inspired or hopeful :/ Maybe its time to blast my song "Brave" and "Stronger" to help boost my mood and knock these feelings of doom and gloom out the window.

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