Friday, April 23, 2010

Is It Over With Yet?

   Man what a day today has truly been and it's not even over yet. I just dont even know where to begin. I guess the best place to start is from the beginning yet again. I also am sad that while writing this, I have to watch and listen out on the weather because we are facing tornado like weather. It's a sad night when that happens because I dont like bad weather.
        Well anyways....the day started with me waking up at 4:30. This was an early morning, even for me. I was running on about 3 hours of sleep and got to the dorm on campus. The funny thing was that I had misread the time on the text message and didnt have to be at work until 6 instead of 5am like I had thought. I was so mad at myself, so thinking brilliantly I told myself I could curl up in the chairs in the lobby and take a nap there and then I would be good. I would have a quick power nap before work. Well I set my alarm and started off to try and get comfortable. The only bad thing was that no matter how hard I tried, I just couldnt get comfortable. The chair gripped into my back or it gripped into my hip or my head just didnt set right. i finally found a small little position that I got comfortable in when i got called over to the desk. It was time for me to start my shift. Needless to say the next two hours flew by as I amused myself reading Cosmo and over my various paperwork I had brought with me.
      After finishing up with that, I headed home and got home and unwound. Checking messages, I had relaxed just enough to have about an hour's nap. Well, unluckily for me...I wasnt able to take this long for a nap because I couldnt get to sleep because my contact started itching my eye, almost making me think I was going to have to remove them. After about half an hour to an hour, I finally got to close my eyes for about thirty minutes before I finally was able to get some sleep. Thinking and laughing to myself that I should get used to running on little sleep at basic. I was woken up by a phone call from the insurance guy who was coming to take pictures of my car. He wanted to come early. Well, i said sure since I knew that I wasnt going to get any sleep anyways. He showed up and took pictures real fast of my car and then left. I was kind of mad that it took a whole two minutes to take pictures of my car. Oh well, at least I dont have to deal with it and mom is handling it. I hate to hand off the responsibility but if I was on my own, I'd have no clue  what to do anyways.
     Well I got done with that and came back and talked with him for a little while. I was waiting to hear from my manager as to when to meet up with him anyways. I talked with him and while talking with him a friend messaged me. I didnt plan on talking to him long but somehow things progressed. He had messaged me earlier in the morning to tell me that what he did was for me and he wished me luck in basic .I couldnt quite figure it out what he did, but I had a feeling that he had somehow had a hand in me magically getting dates like I did and as early as I did. Well, me and him were talking and things just somehow seemed to go from good to bad. I had only left him a one word message after his saying thanks, but he decided to tell me what he did and it just went downhill from there. i didnt know what to say because he was trying to get me into doing things with him. He was even mentioning how he held all the power and all the influences he could have with things going on with my career. I just didnt know what to do because yes I did have some feelings for him, but it was more I wanted to make everyone happy. I'm very much a people pleaser person and he knows that. He has seen a side of me that most havent seen in me, aside from my new boyfriend. I think at the time I was impressed with the little bit of power that he held, but now it scares me that he has all that power and can influence so much over me.
        He was talking about how he could put my file back and it was almost like he could revoke what he made happen if I didnt do things with him. i just couldnt believe it and was like no, please dont do that. Well we continued talking and he kept pushing me to be with him, saying that he was around before my boyfriend was. I just am a very loyal person and I really do care about my new guy. He is amazing and I wouldnt give up anything for him. I'm not one to cheat on my partner either and I know that doing anything with this guy would be cheating, even if it was kept between the two of us as he suggested. I just couldnt do this and told him so. I felt like he was backing me into a wall because he kept mentioning the power he had over me and it was like he was trying to blackmail me. I have to admit that there has only been one other time that I have felt so truly backed into a corner and helpless and that was the worst and darkest hour of my life, the night that I was assaulted and I lost my virginity/innocence.
      After struggling to figure out what to do, i finally sucked it up and asked my good friend who is into the lifestyle as well and was former military. I felt that since this guy is military and is playing with the power he has with that, that I needed someone to help me figure a way out of this mess. I just couldnt believe I had gotten into this. I mean I had distanced myself from this guy when I first found out the type of power he held over me and my fate in basic training. I just in all honesty couldnt toy with both his future and mine because the consequences of either one of us getting caught was magnified so many times in my head. I just couldnt do it, which thankfully i didnt because life smiled on me later.....but I just distanced myself and he messaged me a little under a month ago asking how I was and I told him that i had found a new guy and that life had turned amazing for me. I was so happy and he understood or so it seemed, but after today's messages it seemed he was just a horny perv using his power to get me to do whatever he wants. Well anyways....I messaged my friend letting him know I had gotten these messages and wasnt sure about them and asked if he could help me figure them out. I was told halfway through work that he felt the same way that I did, this guy was stooping so low as to possibly blackmail me into doing what he wants me to do.
       After talking with him and getting some suggestions from him to keep timestamps and dates of the conversation and anything else he says for future reference to use against him. It was then that I decided to that my dom needed to be let know about what was going on. This was partially because I felt that it would be wrong to hide something from him, but at the same time I knew and hoped that he wouldnt be mad at me for all that went on. I messaged him and let him know. I just am grateful that he was understanding, and hopefully will remain so even after reading this and seeing the accounts of the messages I received. I will keep the guys name a secret because I dont want him to be a dead man but it is so comforting to know that he will do anything to make this guy stop threatening me and holding his power over my head. I love it and I wouldnt change it all for anything in the world. It is an amazing thing because it's a protective kind of love to me....not the crazy protective love that others have lol. I know he just wants to make sure I'm taken care of and safe, which means no crazy guys trying to hold power over me.
      Well needless to say the night went well at work with me taking out various orders all night long. I ended up taking out quite a few orders and just getting good tips. i didnt make a lot of money but it was pretty good for the night. I know for sure that I'm not going to count on making a set amount of tips every night,especially after my crappy night the other night. It was just a bad night all around, so I go into work now expecting to have a bad night and if it turns out good then it's more power to me. I also that I am getting maximum hours lol. I had another night of overtime tonight. I am going to keep track this week to make sure i'm getting paid correctly for my hours because I think they shorted me hours from last week, but oh well what can you do. Now it's time to start thinking about paying for rent and everything else. I just am ready for it all to be over with already.
        Speaking of rent, I get to talk with my apartment and see when I can get out of my lease at the earliest. I am debating about getting a storage unit or just leaving my stuff at my parents. I just dont want to deal with listening to my mom complain about how my stuff is there and everything else. I just dont want to deal with it really, which she is going to be majorly pissed when I tell her that I am having my sister take control of my accounts while I'm in basic. I just trust my sister a lot with everything and I know that she wont screw me out of money like my mom would thinking I owed her money and just taking it out my account without asking or saying anything. I just dont want to deal with that. But this should be interesting. I'm not going to tell my mom who is getting power of attorney over my accounts, but if my sister wants to oh well. Oh well, a lot of stuff to do before I leave for basic. I'm just ready to leave, but cant wait to spend time with him before I leave too. I'm going to be so sad when I have to give him that last hug goodbye before I leave. Ugh, getting sad thinking about it. Oh well, that was most of my fun events for the day. I just hope that I am reading things right and that he isnt upset with me or feels that I did the right thing with the situation I wasin. I'm not normally one to keep things from people, so hopefully it works well in this case.

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