Thursday, April 8, 2010

Mouth Restraint?

   Wow today has been an amazing day, but a long day at that. I have had a slight scare and on top of that I just had a rough day with my mom and everything ordeal. I just wish that whole ordeal with my mom hadnt happened, but there's nothing I can do about it.
       The morning started off uneventful with me heading to work. I found out that I passed out on him last night and couldnt believe that I had. I felt horrible that I just like passed out on him without saying goodnight or anything. It made me feel bad, but he knew I was tired. I guess I should start listening to him when he tells me to go to sleep because I am tired. I may not realize, but apparently he does. Maybe there's some stubborness coming out in me.
        Well anyways, the work day started and as usual I just didnt want to go to work. I just wanted to get it over with, but it passed by pretty fast. I got to take my first phone order and it was amazing. The guy was really understanding and was patient as I took his order and made sure I had it right in the computer. It was kind of cool to take the orders and all. I just wanted to learn because I felt that I was just standing around doing nothing while everyone else was doing the cheese and making the pizzas. So I jumped in and started helping out.
        After helping out there we left and went to door hang again for another day. I'm beginning to hate it and am feeling nervous about it today after my coworker almost got beat up by this guy. He wasnt doing anything wrong, just walking up and putting fliers on the door. Well this guy came flying out of his house and was like "Can I fucking help you with something?" and my associate just replied we were hanging fliers and apologized to the man. Well the guy didnt even apologize for flying off the handle but warned my coworker that we might want to be careful and that the other houses wouldnt take it too lightly as he did because there had been about ten houses broken into on the street. I'm not usually one to get nervous very often, but this sent a little chill in me and a little birdie was going "lets go to another street". Thankfully he felt the same and we went the next street over. The amazing thing was after we got done doorhanging, I had asked if the store had spotted other drivers before because he had mentioned it; I was afraid of not making it to work on low gas and just wanted to make sure i had plenty. Well, he told me that he wasnt sure but that he could pay for it if it was only like $10 of gas. I honestly protested and told him that he didnt have to do that. He said that it was okay because he doesnt pay a lot of bills and that he has money just sitting around. I told him thank you and told him I would pay him back tomorrow when I got my paycheck cashed, which he insisted that I didnt have to worry about it. I couldnt believe it that he was willing to do that. I hate that he paid for it though and I tried telling him I would pay him back, but he wouldnt hear anything. I guess I may have to find a way to like slip the ten dollars to him without him knowing because I feel bad and really do want to pay him back. Much like the I hate feeling like I'm using people. I could either do that or set it aside for something and I pay for him or something like that.
         After I got off work, i decided to do the nice thing and bring my mom and some of her coworkers some pizza and breadsticks. This is partially because we had a whole lot of extra dough to get rid of and I took at least 3 orders of breadsticks plus the pizza, cinnasticks, and breadsticks I had gotten. I ended up having 2 slices of the pizza and a couple cinnasticks for lunch. On a side note, those cinnasticks are A-Mazing!!! I love them and they are so yummy and just extremely good. But I got to my moms work and nobody was there, but the pizza and all went into the fridge. Apparently the police department there likes living off leftovers so they had plenty of breadsticks and pizza for them. But I was upset because my mom didnt really talk to me or ask me how my Easter was or anything. It was as if life just didnt exist really. I mean it did, but she showed no interest in how things had gone for me. She asked me the usual question of how are things with me and if anything was new but didnt really delve into things. On top of that I told her I wasn't single anymore and that I was dating someone and she asked how I met him and didnt even really want to know anything about him or if I was happy. It was just like she blew me off and shrugged off my being happy because I had met him off a dating site. After that I just cant forgive her for things, as much as I want to because that was the final blow. I'm so ready to cry over it, but at the same time I dont want to shed another tear over her.
        I hate feeling like crap over the whole family situation, but a part of me is still struggling with the idea that I dont have to constantly please everyone else first before making sure that I'm happy, I'm learning that it's more important to focus on myself and make sure that I'm happy then worry about everyone else. The funny thing was that my sister told me the same thing that he did. It was amazing and he honestly didnt hurt my feelings, but its good to know that there are people that are there to back me up and support me no matter what. He has always voiced that he wants to make sure I'm happy and will back me up fully. He's there to support me. It's weird because I ask myself everyday what I did to deserve such an amazing guy like him. He says the right things when I need to hear them and can make me laugh when I'm so upset that all I want to do is cry. I just am so thankful that he is in my life. I cant imagine my life without him right now really. He is so amazing and I've never been happier. It's not that he's able to say all the right things and do the right things, it's just he truly cares. There's just no way to describe how perfect he is, even though he doesnt think so. He is the man of my dreams and so much more. Even though I dont know his flaws just yet, he knows mine (at least some of them) and has accepted them. i honestly know that no matter what his flaws are he is a good person and I really do care about him and I'm slowly finding that I am falling more and more in love with him everyday. I'm scared to tell him that one little word, but I know it can wait. I know not to rush things, but I know this feeling is like no other.
        I guess it's weird gushing about him, but it seems he completely fills my life. He's always in my thoughts and when I'm not talking with him I miss him and cant wait to see him on cam again. I am so excited and cant wait until May. I'm nervous but more excited then anything because I will finally be able to see what being held in his arms feel like and see his personality in person. I'm excited and just wish there was a magical button to make time fly. I guess in between now and then I just get to deal with it and work my hardest for time to fly past. I just hope I dont get in anymore trouble for my smart mouth because I can feel it starting back up again. I think I may lose it after that first spanking because i think right now I'm up to 30 or 40 smacks. I lost count, but I'm sure he hasnt. I just hope it's not with that belt because the belt hurts, but oh well. I do deserve it for my mouth. It's just hard for me to control it, but I guess now is a better time then any to learn.

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