Friday, May 28, 2010

Could the Days Get Any Longer?

Wow, it seems today has been filled with good and bad combined. My days here seem to be always filled with good and bad. I guess most of this is just because of how old-fashioned my grandpa is and I'm stuck most of the day with him. It's not bad to spend time with him, but it just seems he criticizes a lot of what I do.
    Anyways, last night was a rough night. I got to talk to him and ended up going to bed early. I say bed because my body was tired but for some reason even after laying down I was wide awake. I couldnt believe that I was having so much trouble. I guess i had gotten so tired that my body was fighting sleep even though it was tired. I hadnt really slept at all in the past two to three days and I knew I needed sleep. I ended up staying up and working on a surprise for him. One of his surprises was a story about what I wanted him to do to me and how a day when I'm there would be. I couldnt wait for hiim to read it because I liked how it sounded and it was very in depth compared to the others I had written him. I wrote about how I craved his touch and the feelings they would create in me. I couldnt believe how much in detail I went, but I hoped he would love it. He has brought me out of my shell so much that I find myself looking for more and craving more things. I cant wait to see what future things he has in store for his naughty litlte girl.
    After the rough night, I got maybe four hours of sleep. I couldnt believe it, but i barely missed my alarm by ten minutes. My grandfather came in all huffy and puffy as I was slowly waking up. He started clapping his hands and just acted like I was some dog that needing scolding for not getting out of bed sooner. He told me that he wasnt "going to wake me up anymore." I couldnt believe that he was getting so upset when he said I didnt have to be up until about 8. I can understand normally being late, but with the rough night I had that is the only reason I slept later then my alarm and wasnt already up and getting ready.
    After getting ready, including eating breakfast and getting dressed, in a little under twenty minutes, I headed to see what my grandfather was up to. He was outside watering the plants and I headed outside. He asked me if I was ready to go and I told him I was. Then he told me that I needed to change my shoes because I was wearing flip-flops. Being a country girl I had no problem wandering the bank of the river in my flip flops or even barefoot if I had to, but he felt I needed to put on tennis shoes. Not wanting to start an argument, I just went and changed my shoes. Coming back out, he was putting the poles in the back of the truck as I came outside.
    I got in the truck and he told me that I wasnt going with my phone today. This was where the argument of the day started. I tried informing him that I had to make sure my phone was on me in case my recruiter needed to get a hold of me. Well, there was some truth to this, but it was also because he wants me to make sure my phone is on me so that he knows I'm safe. Well my grandfather kept telling me that I was "full of shit", but I kept telling him i had to have it with me. I even told him that I would leave it in the car when we got there, but it had to come with me. He got extremely upset and said that if that was the case then we just wouldnt go fishing at all. I got upset at this because he was getting so upset over a simple cell phone that would go with me, but stay in the truck. He felt it wouldnt be safe left in the car, but oh well. I know I did the right thing it's just hard for him to understand about everything. I was pissed and went back into the bedroom, frustrated but if we weren't going fishing then I would get some sleep.
    I tried to get back to sleep, but it took me about two hours to get to sleep and finally was almost there. I got a text message back from him letting me know that he was fine, but didnt really sleep last night either. It's crazy but I find that when I'm away from him that I cant really sleep, but I toss and turn before falling into an exhausted sleep. It's crazy, but I know that it means something when I cant sleep when away from him and sleep so peacefully when I'm in his arms. I love the feeling of being so safe and secure with him.
    Well the rest of the day passed by in a haze. I napped and ate and our dinner was uneventful. It was actually eeriely quiet with how my grandpa just hadnt said anything to me. I hated how it was painfully quiet between me and him, but it was stupid how he was so upset about my cell phone going with me this morning.
    Which reminds me, on a different note that I got an amazing email from my mom this morning. It was actually from both of my parents, but it confuses me with the way they have been lately. It was an inspiring message and mom said that the prayer in it was a prayer they still keep in the back of their minds everyday. I couldnt believe it, but I know my parents have issues and problems but maybe this was her way of saying she was sorry and that they're trying and not perfect. I know my mom and I have an okay relationship, with a few fights here and there, but it is the relationship between me and my dad that has suffered. With everything going on it has brought up a lot of questions, which I know are a little soon to think about but it scares me. My dad hasnt fully changed but at the moment i really feel that I dont have a father. It's not the person I knew and grew up with...it's someone completely different who just claims to be my father. He doesnt even really talk to me anymore either, but oh well enough about that. That's a long touchy subject and I'm sure I'll vent on it one of these days, but I just dont want to today. I know it's easier being with him and talking to him in person about this because he seems to know what I'm trying to say and it feels good to get it off my chest to someone and not just a writing on a computer screen.
    After dinner, i hung out with my grandma and talked with her some. It was amazing that me and her could talk about quite a few tv shows, but I loved it. I have more in common with her and she may not understand a lot about what's going on now, but she tries more to understand me then my grandfather does. I think it's much like my aunt said and that my grandfather is trying to protect me because I'm his grandbaby.
    I couldnt wait for later to give him his surprise. I ended up giving it to him today. Well, I just couldnt believe it that I had written it. I loved this writing and it was something that I felt was good. I had been talking to him and just couldnt wait. I am anxious and wondering if we would be able to make that writing happen. I have a feeling that it will, but I'd love for it to happen. I guess it was kind of a fantasy to me that I've dreamed about happening between me and him, well one of them. I guess the more we delve into things, the more I will find out that I like and I have a feeling that story would get longer. I think I may ask him if we could make this happen when I get there, but Im not sure how to ask him. I guess I can work on that, but I'd love for this to happen one day. I know I have to give him the rest of his surprises so with me coming down there on Tuesday night, I might give him the rest of them on Wednesday including the dinner. I know part of the surprise is a dinner, but there is more to come after that. I hope he enjoys it because I know it's a lot, but I hate being alone from him and start getting creative.
    I kind of want to ask about other things that I'd like to try, but we have a lot of time to work on it. I know he has shown some interest in anal and I'd like to try some more with him, but I dont want to scare him away and I know he is exploring some things too. I am comfortable and am willing to wait until he is comfortable enough to explore. I know that he will never hurt me and whenever he is ready for that so am I. I have realized today that I am so comfortable with him it's crazy. There is no other person that i have been so comfortable enough with to see everything about me like him. He knows all my darkest secrets and desires and fears and gently calms me down and is there for me all around no matter what. I cant wait to see what all we try because on top of anal, I'm curious what a blindfold is like along with being tied and other things. I just am not sure how to ask, but I'm sure he knows I'm eager to learn. I wonder if I will be put into position the first night I get there. Oh well, I am happy with however it goes because either way he is my Master/Dom and I love him and am just happy to be with him in his arms, pleasing him.
    Anyways....after the long night of tonight, I cant wait for these next few days to fly by. I'm planning on drawing a short time later tonight and I hope he likes these drawings. I have to find something good to draw, because what I have in mind is a little bit dirty, but it should be good. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to drawing, but I hope it inspires him. I also cant wait to see what else he brings out in me because I have come out of my comfort zone. I have asked him so many things that I never would have been able to ask before. I cant wait to see what else comes to mind, I know the drawings (even though I'm not the world's best artist) will be a little out of my comfort zone, but I know he will like them. I just cant wait to be back in his arms, but until then his face in my dreams is going to have to suffice.

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