Thursday, May 27, 2010

Surprises....Surprises....and More Surprises

  Wow, another day of frustration mixed with the blah and boring, punctuated with periods of excitement. I am just always grateful that I get to talk to him, even on the days he's working. I couldnt imagine going through all this blah and boring here, it's that way more because I cant drive anywhere and my grandpa pretty much keeps to himself, without him here.
    The day started out with me waking up later today. I ended up not really being able to sleep towards the early hours of this morning for some reason. I had a bad dream and it wasnt that my friend was killed, but it was more of a bad dream that a bad guy was trying to take me away somewhere. I dont remember exactly where, but it was still he had me and was making me do something. I hate those kind of dreams. Well, I woke up and sent him my every morning "good morning Sir" text message. He had already texted me and I love getting them from him before I can send him one, but it trades off with us. Anyways, I told him how I had trouble sleeping last night and we came to the conclusion that I only sleep peacefully when I'm in his arms. It is very true. Whenever I'm alone I have to have background noise to sleep or I toss and turn or have bad dreams. Everytime I have slept in his arms, I have slept so peacefully and had no nightmares. I think it's true that I slept best when I'm safe inside his arms.
    Well, after figuring that out I got dressed and headed out to see what my Grandpa was up to. I was sure that I would hear some sort of comment about not getting up until almost noon. Although in my defense I didnt really sleep well starting around 3am this morning. I walked out and the dogs went crazy. I checked the living room thinking that my grandpa was asleep in there, but I was wrong. He was nowhere to be found in the house. i checked and his car wasnt out in the yard so I knew he had to be gone. I was trying to figure out where he went, thinking that if he had left me to go to the store or something long term I was going to be upset because I wanted to go or he could have at least let me know.
    I lounged around and played on facebook and texted him, waiting for my grandpa to come home. Before too long he was home and it was like nothing had changed. I was left to my own devices while he kept to himself in the other room looking up news on the computer. I felt kind of alone, but brushed it off and kept amusing myself since I couldnt think of anything to do and my grandpa wouldnt let me drive his car anywhere to do anything.
    After getting into the movie, I was getting ready to fix myself some lunch when my sister texted me saying that I could have her air force stuff that she was going into the marines. I was curious why the sudden change in plans and started talking to her on yahoo asking her why she chose the Marines. I couldnt believe that she had a problem with the Air force and all, but then again she is used to everything being handed to her and going her way I should have expected this. Anyways...she told me that she just wanted to go through it because she had heard how tough it was. I know her well enough to know that the Marines and her aren't a good match at all. It is the toughest branch to get into and my own brother didnt even make it all the way through the training after breaking his leg in two places towards the end. I have seen the documentaries that show what boot camp for the Marines is like. I have the same drive and motivation she does and I know if I did that I would be in over my head, much like she will be.
    However the conversation soon turned to how I had no idea what I was talking about and that I was pissing her off because I was talking about this to her when the last DEP meeting I barely made it through the run. This only happened because I was on my period at the time and I had only had one bottle of water. I just couldnt believe she would even pull that into the discussion we were having. It had been a civil discussion and I was just checking to make sure she had done all her research. I was more trying to make sure she was making an informed decision, especially when she was wanting to join the Marines, and not just make a decision based on her friends that were in the Corps at the time. I knew it took me a little bit to come to my decision, but I still looked into everything.
    Anyways...the discussion continued and I was getting more upset and mad. I decided to give her a big reality check. I just felt that she needed to know what i had to say because if not, she was going to be in for a big culture shock. I just couldnt believe how she was reacting to everything, but for her it was reasonable. I was just getting madder and madder because her only defense here was to pull up things that were irrelevant saying I had no common sense and all and then the very last comment from her was wishing me good luck with my online relationship, pretty much scoffing at it. Most things made me mad but the one thing that hit me the hardest was when she bad mouthed my relationship with him. I dont care that she doesnt agree with things, but for her to bad mouth him and she hasnt even met him really set me off. I would have gone off on her and had been holding back because I was being a good girl and not cussing. I knew I wasn't allowed to and could have said a lot of choice words to her, but he has taught me to be a lady with my words. I was also told to just walk away from her and that if she had a problem with him, she could talk to him. This helped me a little bit, but I was still boiling mad.
    The other part that made me mad was when she told me that I had a lot of growing up to do. I dont believe myself to be completely grown up,but between the two of us and everything we have had to deal with I feel that I have been more adult about everything. She is not really adult about anything and is still under the attitude of entitlement that everyone owes her everything and that she cant do no wrong or as he put it that "her shit dont stink". I was shocked at this and was ready to fly off the handle at her. I can say that his teaching is helping because before I had met him, I would have been cussing her up and down, left and right. However, I kept my wits about me and left it alone. I'd rather leave the situation alone then say something that leads to a further argument.
    It still gets to me that she claims to be more adult then I am, but yet she is the one that goes out and makes decisions to get caught in a threesome, almost foursome, in the middle of nowhere and had no clue where she was at. I have learned from my situation of being ditched once to not make the same mistake twice and that if I went out with friends I either drove or was staying there. I just couldnt believe she felt herself to be an adult. She has no idea how to handle real life situations or has faced half the things I have in my life. She even claimed that when my parents were threatening to drive down to Murfreesboro and take my car, all because I was trying to diffuse the situation, that I must have deserved it somehow and that I was doing something wrong and should stand up to my parents. I just hate that she will get a huge kick of reality in the pants when she goes out drinking with the wrong crowd and wakes up in the bed with a strange guy. She has almost done that before because she was too far gone, that if I hadnt been there she would have probably put herself at risk for ending up pregnant or worse. I hate being mad at her, but I know that she strongly needs a kick of reality in the pants to get her to realize that maybe I do know what I'm talking about even though I'm younger on some things.
    This was where I know that only he can calm me down. He was texting me telling me to get away from the situation and just talking about how I should calm down. I love how he knows just what to say and do to calm me down. He always knows just what to say and do to get me to stop and just step back from the situation. I couldnt believe it, but after the past two days I am just glad that he is there.
    Anyways, later in the day I was helping my grandpa get things together for dinner. he was making fun of me and told me that I had a butt and my jeans were getting a little bit tight in the back. I couldnt believe it that he was making fun of me for this. I am not touchy about my weight, but two days in a row were just getting hard to deal with. I knew that I was fine, but I couldnt believe that he was having fun poking fun at me and how I looked. It was just crazy. I know he is all good and fun, but I hate being told I have a big butt, when I feel that i dont or a guy because I know that I dont. It's just hard to hear that from my grandpa.
    Well after dinner, I went into the living room and started working on his surprise after taking a few quizzes on facebook. I couldnt believe that there were some pretty funny ones on there, but it killed some time for me. I am ready to get away from here and back into his arms because time just seems to go so slowly here with most of my time spent amusing myself somehow. Although I did find out that we are going out Saturday night for dinner. I'm not sure where, but I honestly cant wait to go out. I love going out to eat with my grandpa, although I have a feeling he will laugh at me with how little I eat. I dont eat as much as I used to, but he seems to think that I eat a lot more. I have to watch my weight and make sure that I stay within my limits, plus I just dontl ike to overeat either. I used to overeat a lot when I was younger, but not anymore. When I get full is when I'm done and nothing else. I am just hating how my grandpa says things he does.
    I cant wait for him to get these surprises, but I know that they wont be there for him until after I leave. I know that he will need these and they will be awesome. I just cant wait and today has been amazing day. Tomorrow is going to be a long, but good day. I find out tomorrow whether or not I work and if I get to come back to him early or not. I just cant wait because I'm so ready to be back in his arms. i admit that I'm nervous about my punishment that I'll get when I get back because I had more hits added onto it, but I do deserve it. I know its his way of teaching me and showing me the way. I just cant wait and I'm excited to show him the parts of Tennessee I know and love. It's going to be a fun time together before i leave.

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