Friday, May 7, 2010

Exhaustion to the Extreme.....

   Wow, no way to describe today other then wow. I couldnt believe just how amazing it was with a few moments of frustration thrown in. It was awesome beyond belief.
    Well the day started with me waking up around 11 this morning. It felt good to sleep in, but I had gone to sleep around 1230-1ish this morning. I was working feverishly on my journal from last night. I still cant believe I learned so many different important lessons from one story. I realized that I'm still learning, but those lessons were amazing. I'm definitely going to try harder to use them as my teaching tool. I also like that I gained insight into the mind of a dominant and how he works.
    Anyways...after waking up this morning, I decided to grab some food and relax for a little while. Texting him the usual good morning reply to his text message, I found out that he was out helping his brother with wedding preparations and was going to be out for a little bit. I was sad that I didnt get to talk to him right away, but I knew he was having fun and doing a lot of important things that I was willing to wait to see him. I decided to watch some tv and read another section of the story from last night. I cant believe that this new story had another lesson in it. It was a simple, but good lesson and the only one I learned from that one just yet.
    It started out after one of the girls wasnt happy with a punishment idea that was thought up. This made me think of how I reacted to a couple punishment ideas he has mentioned. I didnt exactly like the sound of them, which to me I think means they're doing their job if Im trying to avoid them. Well the discussion at this point was more about that there are rules set out with masters and their slaves/submissives that choose to live in the lifestyle. THe part that hit home for me was where she said "
I love my husband, my master, and I’d do anything for him. He knows that too. It’s not some abstract idea. I really do expect him to tell me what he wants me to do. Just as he assumes as a matter of course that I will obey him, in turn I look forward to him using his control over me, preferably to my benefit. When he orders me to do something for him, or sets up rules for me, I know exactly what I have to do to please him, no guessing. That’s important to me. He’s special, one of a kind, and I’ll do whatever it takes to hold onto him. If he thinks it’s necessary for me to spend some time in this particularly nasty thing, well then I do it. There is no question in my own mind that I needed to be punished for what I did. How it is done, and the severity, are not up to me. I hope he will be fair but whatever he decides I will have to accept. I didn’t much care for this,but, bad as it was, it wouldn’t even compare to him ignoring my disobedience. I have to know he is concerned, about me and about what I do for him. My submission would be meaningless if he didn’t care about it".
    That section made me think so much more about the punishments I have received so far and the ones that I will receive in the future. I when I first thought about it dreaded it because I thought it was going to be so horrible and just I'd hate every minute of it. Now I'm not in the least saying that I dont like the punishments because I dont. I hate every minute of them because I know I have upset him in some way by what I have done. However, I know that he cares because he is choosing to punish me for my bad behavior. It's much like where she said if he didnt, my submission would be useless because to me it would be like I could walk all over him if he didnt punish me when I did wrong. I agree with her now that if I do something wrong, I must be punished for it. I was really dreading the spankings and the other punishment of holding the coin against the wall, but now I know no matter what it is his way of showing his dominance over me and that he really does care for me. I may not like the methods he chooses to teach me or the punishments, but that's not up to me to like them. I shouldnt like a punishment anyways because it is a way of curbing bad behavior, but I feel I am much like the submissive in the story that whatever punishment her master chose she was fine with because she felt she deserved it. I know both punishments I still have waiting for me for when I see him and the ones I am sure to receive in the future, I will take when I receive them because they are what he thinks is necessary to teach him. I wont guarantee against any kind of complaining, because with my rebellious nature thats not possible, but I know I will try my hardest to always make sure he is happy and that I dont have to be punished.
    Well, after that the day ran into me going to have lunch with a friend. We started talking about various things and I was able to talk to her about my new boyfriend in my life. It was awesome being able to talk to him and she could just see the glow coming off me. She was happy that he knew everything going on and hadnt run. I do have to say she doesnt know half the story, but I dont share that with a lot of people. I only have like 2 close friends that really know that I'm into the lifestyle. It was a good lunch, it ended and we went home.
    After lunch, I found out that he wouldnt be returning home for a little while, so I decided to go ahead and go through my summer clothes. I needed to see what I had so that I could start figuring out what to bring this week when I go down to visit him. I finally figured out what I was going to take and ended up cleaning my room and packing quite a few of my things to save waiting til the last minute on packing. I was so proud of myself and even gathered two bags of clothes to donate to people who lost everything in the bad weather this past weekend. I'll take them to church this Sunday when I go.
    Well after that, I headed off to work. It was a long day, filled with the usual runs. I began to lose count of how many runs I took out tonight. I love that we got super busy though. I ended up leaving the store with almost 4 hours of overtime tonight. Well, it's not really overtime but it's extra hours on my paycheck. I typically stay til they need me. I was asked after the last run though if I was ready to go home and i was honestyly frustrated so it only made sense to go ahead and send me home. It was also slowing down a lot so they were going to be sending about three to four drivers home anyways. I was glad to be heading home.
    Today was a majorly long day and I am glad that I now have a week long vacation. It is very much needed after the long past three days that I have had. I'm exhausted but I know I have a lot to do tomorrow on my day off. I have a list of things i need to do because I know Sunday I wont have a lot of time with church and everything else. I'm so excited that I'm leaving Monday morning to meet him finally and that I also get to pick up my new phone. It's especially great that I'm getting my new phone because all my backup phones seem to be breaking for some reason. Oh well, I just cant wait for this next week to come because it's sure to be an adventure when it comes.

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