Saturday, June 19, 2010

New lesson...New Day

Today has been another day of nothing out of the ordinary really,but that is how I prefer my days to be. We didn't do anything other then relax and hang out,but in my opinion that is the best thing ever. I love the days where its the little moments that we spend together.
Last night was amazing, but I felt bad because yet again I fell asleep on Him before Whose Line Is It Anyway was even over with. It was crazy because I don't know why I felt so tired with waking up around 1130ish yesterday. Who knows, but I hope thid cycle doesn't continue because it could mean a bad sign of my sickness coming back. Although I wouldn't think so because its more relaxing down here then stressful. I'm sure I'm worrying for nothing, especially since He isn't worrying. If He was worrying, then I would start getting worried.
I woke up this morning late,but I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep because of my bad dreams. It seems bad dreams are becoming more prevalent for me but I think this is because my leave date is fast approaching now. I can't believe I only have a week left with Him before I leave for two months. It was weird though because my dream was about my parents coming to steal my car. I know this wouldn't happen and especially not with Him around. I know both of us will be glad when they are out of my life and quit trying to know my every waking move.
That leads to the new part about my family. If you notice me talking about them and mostly in bad terms its not because I hate them,but more because they are the overbearing and controlling parents wanting to know everything I do and who I'm hanging out with. I love them but with me being 20 they don't need to know all that goes on in my life. There is are certain things I know they should know that I'm happy and not being hurt by anyone. Although with them it doesn't work because they still have to know everything. I wish I could tell them I don't appreciate the things they're doing and how they treat me. I just can't do it yet but the funny thing is when He meets them and they act a different way He will know otherwise.
Anyways, that's enough venting on my parents. I could do more but I won't. Well today I learned something reading another subs blog. It was crazy because I saw a dilemma she was having. I'm not making any judgements but I realized that doubting myself if it were to happen could be disastrous. I could never doubt Him or His decisions. I don't think I could ever doubt myself either. I realized that by doubting yourself you are in essence doubting Him too. I think that when you become a sub or slave in this lifestyle, the decisions made are no longer yours to make. Depending on which you are you may influence it, but you won't make it. The Master or Dom are the one who makes the final decision. By doubting yourself even if its minor such as was that right or more or less, you are questioning Him and His judgements and actions.
I personally hope that I never do this. I know I will have thoughts of if I did something how He wanted it done, but never to where it would fall under me questioning His judgement or decision. I know that no matter what His judgments will always be in my best interest and He would never do anything to hurt me or cause me any kind of harm job or family relationship wise. I am glad that I read about this from someone else, but feel bad that the sub was in this dilemma.
The rest of today flew by with us grabbing food. I can't believe how much I ate either. I never ate an entire footlong from subway before but lately since I've been staying with Him. Its crazy because I don't think I'm that hungry but I guess my body is saying otherwise. It was cool eating it though cause He always makes sure I have enough to eat.
Later in the day we cleaned out my car. I get to tell my parents they can sell it as soon as I leave. I'm excited because its the last thing they have over me! I can't wait lol. It was crazy cleaning it out though because it meant the next stage of my life was coming really soon. I'm ready and nervous about leaving for basic. The good thing is that it puts us at a good place in life, I have a steady job and the two of us will be together. I'm happy and ready for the time to come and be over with so I'm back in His arms.
The nerves are starting to get to me but I know it all will be over with soon. Knowing I have Him standing behind me supporting me in this endeavor is amazing. I know despite my family not always being supportive that Him and His family will always be there for me and happy with what I'm doing. Oh well another day and a few more lessons to be learned. So I guess until tomorrow then.....

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