Monday, August 16, 2010

One week left, which means seven weeks are here...

   Wow, the seven weeks mark is finally here!!!! I cant believe it because that means i'm so close to seeing You!!! Man i cant even describe how happy i will be this week when i realize it's just this week and the end of next week i get to see You. Hopefully travel arrangements have already been made (believe me i would make them if i could because i remember how much you dont like making them) or are in the process. I know things around here tend to fill up fast, or really hotels from what i've heard. I cant believe it is almost time for me to see You again!!!!
   I cant think of much else to talk about, but just remember i'm always thinking of You and throughout this whole process You have always been on my mind. I find myself thinking of everything that You have taught me from the first time i became Yours. I am so ready to be back in Your arms where i belong and back to being Your lil one. It's not that i never stopped being Your lil one, but being away makes me feel like i cant be Yours right now. Well, not that i cant be Yours, but more like i'm not Yours in person. I know i am Yours in mind, body, and spirit always but it sucks that i cant be with You during this whole thing. Oh well, i guess its a test for the process. I love You so much and hope You know that and that You are my happy thought helpng me push through this and make it to being back in Your arms again.
love ya and miss ya,
<3 lil one <3        

This poem reminds me that there are always some points in life where you get so weary and worn out and must face disappointments. I only hope that my stint here at basic hasnt been a disappointment to You and that i have learned a lot while i've been in here. It also reminds me that even though i'm Your lil one, i will have moments where i mess up and will be disappointed in myself. I hope You know that i always try my best with You and i know that i will have times where i screw up, but You always reassure me that no matter what, You will always love me and there is only one thing (that i know of for sure) that i can screw up on and would cause me to lose You forever. I know i am afraid of screwing up to where i could cause You to not love me anymore, but this fear is always calmed and put aside when You pull me close to You after a punishment and reassure me that i'm still Your lil one. It lets me know that messing up is always a part of the learning process. No matter what though, i know that You are always my Master and i'll always belong to You and You alone.
 
Disappointment
I slept well, though how - I don't know,
My body feels alive, my heart is heavy,
The enormity of my actions has hit me,
Like a weight bearing down,
Pushing me, crushing me,
Extinguishing the high I had been feeling.
How could I let You down?
As I sit thinking about your eyes,
So kind and gentle,
But now filled with disappointment,
My stomach lurches,
I can't speak, think even,
I close my eyes,
As I feel the heat of my tears.
My eyes still closed,
My shoulders slumped,
Subdued,
My breasts ache,
I breathe slowly,
But each breath seems to catch in my throat.
Your arms around me,
The comfort I seek,
Denied to me by the miles between us.
Do I deserve Your love?
The answer is no,
But I know that it remains,
That surety engulfs me now,
And a warmth begins to return.
I can almost hear my heart,
Feel its rhythm within,
How different things could be,
I long to bask in Your love,
Your acceptance,
Your approval.
Test me, try me,
Push me to my limits,
I'm on my knees before You,
Bending to Your will.
Make me the woman I want to be,
I want to be all You desire,
For You to be proud of me,
Is my ultimate goal.
Again I offer You my will,
My obedience,
Know I take Your punishment willingly,
For I know that I will learn from this.
My heart is still heavy,
But now I have hope,
I am safe with You,
Under Your security and protection.
The love I feel for You,
Overwhelms me,
Burning like a fire,
It cleanses me,
For I know that it is returned.
I feel reborn.
My feet are on a new path,
And the road I take leads me to You.
My eyes fixed firmly on You,
I won't let You down.
My submission is all I have to give You,
Your strength captures my weakness,
But I give myself willingly,
My Master - I am Yours.
By claire

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