Sunday, October 10, 2010

Contemplative lil one and a morning freak out

   So this morning started out kind of early for me and Master. I had to call Him this morning because i woke up to a major nose bleed. He claims it wasnt a massive one, but for someone that has never had a nose bleed to see that much blood on a pillow scared the crap out of me and i thought it was one. I didnt know what to think. Blood was running out of my nose in what was like a river. It had already run all over my pillow and down the back of my shirt and was all over my face by the time i woke up and realized what was going on. So as you can imagine, a very freaked out and scared lil one called her Master. He woke up to my ringtone playing on His phone, but realized it was too early for the alarm to be going off. He answered after like the 5th time i tried Him(hey i did say that i was a freaked out lil one...) and calmed me down. He in all honesty is the only person able to calm me down no matter what the situation is. I love it and am so glad that i am with Him as my Master.

   Anyways, i finally got my nose to quit bleeding after what was like 20 or 30 minutes on the phone with Him. Any other time i would have called my mother on the phone but lately our relationship has been somewhat strained. Here and there it is good, but other times we get into arguments over various things or she tells me things that i have no control over and cant take care of here. So it makes it hard here....but anyways back to Him. I am so thankful that He is in the medical career because i wouldnt be able to make it through half of what i have without Him. He calms my fears when i think my injuries are worse then they really are or my aches are really bad. He knows my limits and calmly listens to me without judging or calling me a hypochondriac like my mother would. With so many health problems that my family has, it's natural for me to worry that something could be wrong if its in an area where our family has major issues. Anyways...im thankful He got me calmed down on my nose and we realized that it was probably because it was hella hot in my room. The roomies had turned the a/c completely off and put the thermostat temp all the way past 85. My whole body was sweating and hot when i laid back down and realized it was as hot as it was. I just hope it doesnt happen again tonight.
   Today was an amazing good day. I showered and got up and went to hang out with friends. We went down to the mall and just shopped around and looked at various things. I went into Spencers and boy was i aware of just how many things there are for the lifestyle in there. So many choices from things to help you have sex in the shower to play handcuffs and whips and paddles. I have so many ideas now and cant wait to get Him His christmas gifts because i know He's going to love them. I am looking forward to trying them with Him and whatever i get being used on me or worn by me....cant give too much away because i really do want it to be a surprise.
   So i found out today that one of our good friends thats a submissive like me knows me and Him are getting married. As of last night i was told that we are for sure getting married, it's just a matter of when we do it and He still wants to propose to me. I want Him to propose to me too because i still like the element of being surprised and Him asking me to marry Him. Even though we know we are getting married, there will still be that element of surprise :). Anyways...i'm so glad she knows because it is amazing having someone in the lifestyle that knows the both of us. I know for sure she will be at the wedding, i just hope the two of us can stay out of trouble because the two of us are so much alike. The two of us scheme together whenever we talk about various things to do, so i am most certainly sure i will be in trouble when we do finally get together.
   Today was an amazing day and i wouldnt change it for all the money in the world. The only sad thing was that i only got to text Him, but that was because He was at work. At least i was lucky enough to be able to talk to Him throughout the day instead of having to wait. He is my rock and shelter when things get tough and always keeps me going when i feel so worn down. I dont think He knows it but today i felt a little worn out and run down. I was missing my family and friends and of course Him. I am having a hard time dealing with not having any kind of family here. I have things happen to me that i need Him to just feel His touch and His warmth. There's just a calming feeling like no other when im with Him and i miss it. I crave feeling His hands controlling me and moving my body in certain ways or withholding from me certain privilages. I crave that power that He held and the way He would at random moments grip my throat and just look at me and kiss me so deep. I miss Him so much and find that the thing i miss most being here is my submissive side and my submissive duty. I hate being away because i cant take care of Him right now like im supposed to, but soon i will be able to. I will get His dinner for Him, clean the house, do the laundry, and other little things. I just really crave the contact from Him though and just Him letting me know i was a good girl or had done wrong.   


 Anything.....but mainly His touch. I feel horrible because i am starting to think i have forgotten what the touch of His hand felt like against my skin or the feel of His hand from a spanking. Do people normally have this happen when they have been away from someone for so long? I feel horrible and am ashamed to admit this, but its true. I know the sound of His voice and can tell when He's upset or angry with me or is giving me "the look", but ive forgotten what His touch feels like and am barely remembering how amazing His kisses taste. It's not that they're not worth remembering they are, but i feel i have been away from Him so long im slowly forgetting. The last kiss we had was the weekend i graduated basic at the end of August and we havent physically seen each other since then...I feel horrible because i have to admit that i cant remember the way His fingertips ran down my skin after a spanking or the strength His hand yielded when dishing out my spanking punishment.
   I feel horrible and dont know how to admit it to Him...how do i admit to Him that i have forgotten something this important?? I just want to cry because i feel like in a way i have disappointed Him by forgetting something like that..but i wonder if He is having the same difficulty in remembering how my skin felt or how my kisses were. Maybe it's because i have so much crammed down my throat day in and day out here that it's pushing it out...i dont know but i want it back. I want to remember those things over everything else the military wants me to know. He is the number one important thing to me....i can only hope He doesnt hate me or isnt upset with me that these feelings have surfaced. I have only noticed them tonight after reading a blog i follow.
   Anyways, thats about it for today....i wonder what adventures ill be getting into tomorrow. Guess i'll have to let you know. Hopefully i can stay out of trouble :D

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