Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Present for Master

  Decisions...decisions....decisions. These are the things that flow through my head on a constant basis. What i have to face on a daily basis is figuring out how to balance His demands and the demands of my new military lifestyle as well. The two lifestyles seem to coincide together, but at times also seems to totally contradict the other. Things im taught to follow by Him are contradicted by the teachings here. i know i have said before that i am fighting it, but i guess to talk about that i need to go more into detail.
   So one of the many things i find myself battling is the whole wingman concept taught here. Yes, it is an amazing concept and i applaud the idea because it is something that helps prevent bad situations from arising. However, there are downfalls to it as well. Being constantly around a wingman there is no privacy whatsoever. Beyond having no privacy and everyone knowing every little thing going on within the group, there is also the dilemma of always having to be a good wingman, but it puts you at a disadvantage. The other night i made Master upset and mad at me because i told Him i would be back in the dorm at 9 and have my journal done and ready. i wasnt back at the dorm until almost 930 and turned the journal in then. i was trying to be a good wingman and take a couple of my wingman to a friends car, but at the same time it was at a cost to my time with Him and what i had to do for Him. This situation is one i face daily. im taught here to always be a good wingman and help people out, but at the same time i also cant keep helping everyone out and have no time for me or the things that i must get done for Master.
   Master is the number one most important person in my life and it is seen in most of the things that i do in my day to day life even though we are a million miles away from each other right now. After realizing how much i upset Him and made Him mad at being late when i said i was going to be somewhere for Him and i wasnt because i was being a good wingman and it had me putting Him as second choice. This will no longer be the case. He isnt the number two choice ever in my life and i hate the fact that it was made to be that the other night. my new choice and philosophy for myself is that as long as i have time to get my things done that i need to for Him and for myself, then i will allow myself to help others out. i realized i cant keep being out there 24/7 expecting to be able to help everyone out when they ask me too, while also making sure He is taken care of and my duties from Him for Him are done as well. We may be miles away from each other, but im going to make sure from now on He is number one choice always.... 
   Anyways....earlier today i was asked to take my head rope to the commissary to buy some charcoal. It was for the team picnic and there was nobody else here to take him, i took him there. It was him and a couple other guys tagging along, but it was to get stuff for our team picnic. I was thanked for helping them out and i was glad i could help.
   The team picnic went amazingly well and i found that there is a new song that is in my head. It is so true of the situation that me and Master are going through. Nobody else, not even those in the lifestyle, know what we have gone through or will go through in the future. Each relationship is different and unique in its own way.
He is my Master and my love and yes we will have struggles and downfalls, but at the same time we will push through them just like we have with me being here in the military away from Him.
                      "And no one knows why im into You,
                       'Cause you'll never know what its like to walk in our shoes,
                       And no one knows the things we've been through.."
    I left it and then went to hang out with a friend at her dorm. This was where the day turned amazing and kind of crazy. Going through a box of things that the girl living in her room before left, we found pictures and random things. In the bottom of the box, i continued to be nosy while she went and did her laundry. Pulling out something huge that was bubble wrapped a lot, i realized it was a tv. We pulled it out and i couldnt believe the luck. i had found a tv in her room, but to no luck we didnt find a power cord. This is where the situation gets tricky. After realizing there was no power cord, she decided that she didnt really want it and it was just going to go back in the box. What good was a flat screen tv without a power cord?
   Anyways, after thinking about it i sent Master a text and told Him what  we found and took a picture and then we got to talking about the cords. This friend knows about my relationship with Master and that i am in the lifestyle. She heard us talking about getting a power cord and all and was joking around and laughing. i told Him i wasnt sure id get it, but she had already decided she didnt want it at this point. So i got off the phone with Him after getting the okay to look for the power cord. This friend joked with me about didnt i want the printer instead of the tv, which i replied no i didnt. This statement to me lets me know that she clearly knew i was claiming the tv and if i could find a cord for it, i was going to keep it and she had already given up her claim to it.
   We went to the bx after heading back to my dorm for a minute because she needed to get some food and i wanted to get a drink while i was there. Stopping at the bx to see what they had, i decided to stop over at the electronics desk and on the off chance ask if they knew who sold the power cords and the lady mentioned they might have extras. Suddenly she was talking about what are "we" going to do with the tv and my thought was what do you mean we? The claim was given up by you and now that im suddenly looking into my options and there might be the possiblity for a power cord for it, she thinks we're sharing it. Come to find out, they had an extra power cord in the back for the tv so i got a power cord for free. i love it and will have to keep this in mind for any other kind of electronics that i get.
   We left the store and i headed back to her dorm with her after grocery shopping. It was annoying to me because she had mentioned again what are we going to do with the tv. i kind of played it off and said well i have to play with it first to make sure it works. i didnt want her to know it, but i purposefully left the power cord in my car so we had to bring the tv out. i grabbed the tv when she came back to my dorm with me and left it in the car when i got out. i wasnt going to bring it in with her here, so i purposefully left it in the back. i hate to seem like im a witch or being tricky or whatever, but i had claimed the tv as mine when she gave up on it due to not having a power cord. It was like all of a sudden she went to wanting it because i was going to be able to use it and knew how to get a power cord for it. Anyways.....i left it in my car and went and finished running my errands and im not officially the owner of a flat screen tv. Well not just me, me and Master are the new owners of a flat screen tv. For now it will stay in the cabinet until this weekend when i want to watch movies or after duty hours, but it will go back to being locked up at the end of the night.
   i cant believe my luck and i cant wait to take it home and let Master see it. It's not big, but i know He will love it and i love the fact that i got it all for free. It works great and the dvd player works great, the only thing is that id need to get a remote for it, but that costs $5 at walmart. im so in heaven and cant wait to bring it home to Him. You get rewarded sometimes when you dig for the hidden treasures.
   Today was a long day, but im ready for this long week to go ahead and start so it can be over with. i hope that i can do well and make Master proud.

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