Monday, October 18, 2010

A Thought Provoking Day for Sure

   Today has been one of the longest day ever, but also the shortest day ever. I had so much to do today, but so little time. The day started so early with pt and boy did i really push myself. i wished that it hadnt been as hard as it was, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal with it. My team did sprints this morning and on a sprained knee(even though its healed its starting to hurt again) i did pretty well. My instructor raced me and the other people in my line and i for sure got my butt handed to me. What can i say though...im not as fast as males when it comes to sprints.
   Anyways, towards the end of the sprints this morning, i ended up hurting my knee again. I was doing a sprint and ended up landing hard on my bad knee. It hurt so bad and i had to take a minute break. I wasnt sure what i had done and walked and stretched it out as best i could. I didnt want to show my weakness or let my instructors know that i was hurting. Shortly after, we had to do lunges down the street to our mark instead of sprints because people were walking past. My knee was throbbing by the time i got done. It seems somewhat better tonight, but it hurts still the same.
   Sprints soon ended and it was time to grab some breakfast and then head off to class. Today was going to be a good day. Come to find out, we were learning how to do traffic stops and then did some evidence tags as well. I came back at the very end of that because i was taking care of some issues from my pay. I got my password reset for my mypay account so i could finally get into it after being locked out of it for a couple weeks.
   Finishing off the day today was amazing and just as long as ever. It seems to be a common theme around here that we sit around and wait forever. The team got released at 330 and we sat around and waited until almost 415 to get told to go talk to the instructor to get released. It was crazy and i hate that we always have to sit around and just kill time waiting for the instructor to show up which usually takes at least an hour. This is where our flight gets into trouble because we have to stand in one place for about an hour at least and cant ground our gear. THe people in the flight are restless and dont like standing still for long (much like me) and not being able to talk puts us into a very frustrated mood very easily.
   Anyways, our flight got into trouble for moving at attention and just pretty much as our instructor put it "having our heads up our butts". I dont think so because our head instructor came and told us we did really well this morning at pt and he liked what he was seeing, but the other one said we sucked and weren't allowed to sound off at pt on wednesday morning since we werent motivated this morning. The funny thing is we wont be getting in trouble for not sounding off by the MTL on wednesday because it will be our instructor taking the heat for us not sounding off on the exercises. It will be crazy though because wednesday is individual run or group run, not sure which.
   So tonight has gotten me thinking a lot for sure. I am so ready to get my punishments over because i feel so guilty with them hanging over my head. I hate the feeling they create because until they are given, they hang over my head because i know i disappointed Master. I hate beyond anything else, disappointing Him. I just hate Him being upset at me period. I am ready to get my lecture over with though. My corner time has officially changed and is no longer corner time. It is now where i get to stand at attention and listen to Him lecture about how worried He was. I dont know which part i hate worse....the lecture or the standing at attention and not moving. Goodness knows i will need some major self restraint to not move and just to be good. I'm already in enough hot water as it is.
   Thats the other reason i was good today. i honestly was tempted to go get a sweet tea from McD's, but i knew that even if Master didnt know about it (He is a thousand miles away how could He know), but He knows me so well that the guilt from doing it would eat away at me and i would find myself telling Him. Not just that, its a whole integrity thing for me and about following His rules. He is putting my trust in me being here and to still follow His rules to the best that i can with my limitations here. If He trusts me that much, then i have to be a good girl for Him and show Him that He is putting His trust in me for a good reason. I couldnt see myself intentionally disobeying Him anyways, because im just not that kind of person. I am the type to playfully fight and run away, but that is with knowing that He will catch me(random thought....i wonder what He would do if i played hide and seek at the cabin???would He come find me and would i get a bad spanking??). I love Him so much and would never intentionally disobey Him. He is my Master and i am to follow His rules even if i dont like them or want to do something else. He's not a complete dictator and has them for a reason....Besides that, i am the one that got myself grounded from going off base so its my own fault.
   Tomorrow is going to be a long day and i am ready to just get it over with. We start our training at 0700 and if we skip lunch, it will have us getting done by 1. I just hope we do and if all goes well and we dont lose our phase, i can go sign the papers for our car. im so excited about our car because it is the first thing that is ours together :). I cant wait for Him to see it and to break it in....going to be an amazing year i can tell.

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