Monday, November 29, 2010

Innocent thoughts?

   Always on edge, waiting for that last minute call or text leaves me wanting more. Whispers in the wind make me think of Him and wish that He was here with me, but life moves on each and every day. Thoughts fleeting through my head are always connected to Him. He is the answer to my prayers and has been there for me since the moment we met. From the very beginning our hearts were intertwined before we even knew.

   Being far away from Him has been the toughest choice for me to make. Knowing every minute that I spent with Him before I left was precious. He has never once complained about me being so far away and has fully embraced it with a passion. Breathe in, breath out is a constant reminder to myself. My thoughts focus on Him and the world suddenly makes itself right. He is my safety and reality check when the world is crashing down around me. My heart aches and longs for those strong arms to surround me again with that love and security that I knew all too well. He is an amazing man and is an amazing Master on top of that. I never would have in a million years guessed id find a man as amazing as Him.
   These past weeks have been so crazy hectic and chaotic that i cant believe He has even put up with me and everything that i did. Looking back on my old posts and seeing the chaos and havoc that has been left here, its a wonder that my butt isnt going to be any darker then what its already going to be. I have put others before Him, although not on purpose, i still did it. I also got way in over my head with my spending habits and probably caused Him to get a little frustrated with me about going out. Although in my defense if you ate the same food over and over again over a period of six months you would want to occasionally go out and get normal food. :) (i have a feeling that Master will disagree with that one there that it was more then occasionally but thats how i see it). Of course, that problem will be solved when i get home because Master has informed me that my bank card will be taken from me when i get there until i report to my first sad and harsh (insert pouty face here).
   The wake of disaster that i left in my path is embarassing, but i honestly think that i have grown from it. I have learned that i really do need to be a stronger person and can be even without Master telling me what to do. When i first met Him i talked to Him about how i had a mind of my own and could hold my own, but looking back i felt that my decisions before didnt show this very well. I let everyone else control me and push me around. There is no more of more ms. nice lil one. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE....i swear Master has created an evil monster in me that is bound to be unleashed here soon ;)
   I have officially decided that i am going to do my hardest(and yes i know that i keep saying this but it is a goal that i have to strive to be closer to perfect for Him) to make sure that i am not running myself ragged dropping everything for friends, but wondering when i will have time to talk to Him. That ends here and now. There will be time for us to talk and time for us to get together and just be Master and submissive.
   So back to how much i miss Him and love Him. I was getting dressed this morning and putting on those evil garter straps(i wonder if it was a man who came up with that idea??) and i thought of Him and how he'd be thinking it was sexy. I was bending over and attaching them to my socks, when i felt like He was going to come up behind me at any minute and play with my butt and just playfully smack me and pull me up to kiss Him. Goodness how i miss His touch and just the feel of His skin touching mine. The feel of His fingers that are so skilled at knowing what buttons to push and just when to push them that leaves my body wanting more and raging fire burning in me. I honestly never would have thought id like being called a slut, but to be called a slut(the kind He likes) is an amazing feeling. It's humiliating but wonderful all in the same breathtaking moment.
   Anyways...i guess i claim innocence for a lot of the trouble that i have gotten into. My mouth it seems is itching to start running again, but the last lesson for my mouth is still painful in my memory. Besides i think my 300 count for the night of worry i caused Him added onto whatever i already have for my mouth is enough. I really wouldnt like to add onto that number. I just find myself wanting to just like spout off, but i also catch  myself when its on the tip of my tongue. Ugh, thank goodness there is only a few more days here and then i am back to my real self. Thankfully i am checking out of this place and headed home in 9 days. Thats not including 3 nights where i dont have to do anything really :). Oh goodness i long for the day i can run and jump into His arms...until then i get to relive it in my dreams. I wonder if i will remember those strong arms the same after i feel them again??

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