Today finds me wondering what it would be like if i wasnt so much of a girl at times. I feel that i have found myself in trouble so many times just from having such complicated thoughts that is typical of women. Really, why do we have to make everything so complicated? Men tend to have a direct approach to everything and us women tend to run around and take twenty different roads that all lead to the same destination.
The reason i bring this up is that most of the time, my smart comment mouth tends to get me in trouble. Since the first time Master tamed me mouth, it hasnt gotten me into trouble. The only reason i am getting spankings for my mouth is for my cussing while in basic. In my defense everyone else was doing it, so i felt led to do it. But then again that goes back to the question parents always ask their kids----if they all jumped off a bridge would you do it too? No of course not. I should have known better and i consciously did, but it slipped out. My mind couldnt focus then on following that rule for some reason. Knowing my punishment for that is coming up makes me heart beat faster and faster. I'm not looking forward to that punishment, but i know that Master will be fair in giving me what i deserve for it. I knew it was wrong and that He didnt like me cussing because it wasnt lady like.
Anyways, another reason i hate being a female today is that i let my thoughts majorly control my actions and my words sent to Master. I only hope that He didnt mind getting those texts, but after rereading them and thinking about it, i do feel that i was being a little slut and acting needy. I kept telling Him how i needed Him and craved His cock and how i needed His cock in me to make me His again. I honestly never would say this in a million years, but this morning my naughty thoughts. I persisted when He told me that He was having the same issues as me and kept pushing to see if He would allow me to fix myself like i had the other night with the shower. To no avail, He didnt let me take care of myself and to top that off i was called a slut and i was being needy. Me needy??Wow that is far fetched and not usual, but this morning i was. I immediately apologized to Master because i am honestly in no way a slut. Not the way He was describing. Yes i would be His slut in the bedroom, but not a slut in the way i was acting this morning. Is it really that bad though that i had a few nasty thoughts of Master and His amazing cock. I really do need it and can taste it and feel it but its so far away :( I really need it and need Him making me again...sigh. I need to stop before i become a pouty little girl and get myself into trouble. I wonder if Master would punish me for being pouty about that...probably..
My final issue today was where i was so hungry and i let my cravings get the better of me. It seems that here has spoiled me with being able to go out to the store or going out to eat whenever i wanted. I have never had that opportunity before and Master is nice enough to let me go out. He never once wanted to control the financial situation when we entered into our relationship. That was something i asked Him to do because i knew exactly how my personalilty is. The thing is i feel that i have let my shopping personality take over even though i havent spent as much as i normally would have. Yes we still have plenty of money in the bank, but i feel horrible because He has set a goal to keep a certain amount in the bank just in case and that has failed. I have spent a good bit of money out in the past month eating out. That is my major splurge, but mostly because the dining facility here gets boring and i want more. In all honesty i think the total for eating out here has probably reached about $2-300 or so. It might be a little less, im not sure. To get exact id have to look at the bank.
Being a girl, this past weekend i went out and got most of the rest of my Christmas shopping done. The only things that i couldnt take care of was for His grandfather and my mother. My father who is the hardest one to shop for is now taken care of. Anyways, i got it taken care of but i wanted to get the last of those done. I couldnt believe that i had found myself in this trap of wanting to shop and shop some more, but thankfully i didnt buy anything other then what i told Him about. Why is it that im cursed with wanting to shop so many different stores, but yet not being able to. i know it is all for a good reason though because Master is doing it all for my good. I feel that i should be able to get these Christmas presents out of the way. Oh well, at least i know that we can be financially secure in the fact that we have money in the bank that can cover any major expenses if anything comes up.
These all make things so hectic and confusing but i long to just take care of things and be done with it. Christmas shopping is the only thing that i want to get done and out of the way because then it means more time to spend with my family and friends. Who knows i guess that time will be spent shopping with Him too which is always fun because we always go exploring other sections. There is a surprise to be bought which i cant wait to pick out with Him. I was going to get it before going home next weekend, but it seems that much more fun to take care of it with Him because then He can pick it out Himself. It makes it that much more fun and i think it will be a shopping trip that neither one of us will forget if it goes like i hope it does,...(insert devil smiley here)
After a day like today, im sure that tomorrow is going to be fun. I'm going to get massacred at pt and im sure that my instructor is going to kill me for supposedly stealing something from another teammate which i didnt. Hmmmm....oh well i guess things will go better after that. Im just ready to get these last two weeks over with so that i can get back to Master and hopefully try some new things. Maybe i will get a chance to try something new with Master. We were talking about trying road head...something that ive never done before and am wanting to try so bad. I cant wait to try it....yummy delicious thought in my head to get me through dealing with maniacs tonight....Goodness another night of dealing with crazy maniacs who get on my everlasting nerve....thats a totally and completely different blog there. Who knows i might tell all the world about the idiots and wanna bes that are called a team.