So this weekend has brought up a lot of feeling and sentiments that i find havent been felt in a while. Feelings of homesickness and just the longing to be home and in Master's arms again. I have so many different feelings running through me that its hard to balance them out.
First things to start with i guess is to talk about how my Thanksgiving holiday went. Well before that i have to mention that i am finally back from the hellhold known as Camp Bullis. It has been a rough struggle and Master is the only one that truly knows everything going on. I have found myself the brunt of all the jokes and the one to pin everything on. Who knows...maybe they can see my personality or something. I dont care what it is, i just hate being the scapegoat. Well on the topic of Camp Bullis and the struggles, i must mention those. They are another reason for all the feelings that have surfaced recently.
Camp Bullis is a mean and horrible place for me. It is a place that my body has been pushed to limits that i never honestly would have thought possible. The only reason that i made it through the whole thing was talking with Master. He honestly kept me sane the entire time. I went through being sick and dealing with crazy roomies who were two faced to my face. So my two roomies hated my guts and decided to make friends with each other and talked about my behind my back. There was a morning that i had duty and got out after pt started. Watching the flight, i saw them leave the pad and didnt see them come back.. This was later explained to my roomie who is also one of those in charge of the flight and she said that she didnt tell because it wasnt her place and she wouldnt. Hearing this, i figured things were left alone, but no they werent.
Later in the day the girl who was in charge went and told the instructors about both me and the other roomie missing pt. Instead of taking both sides of the story into account, it was assumed that i was lying and there was no way to see the flight. The other girl didnt even take responsibility or tell the instructors she looked out as well and threw me under the bus. She was given her phase privilages back for the night, but got in trouble later being in the wrong place and disrespecting an NCO. Anyways, i was called a liar and told the instructor couldnt call me that, but he didnt believe my story. My phase was totally taken away to where i couldnt leave base and i was in uniform the entire time. It sucked horribly and i was upset and just not happy in the least. Thankfully i had my cell phone to talk with Master and keep me sane during this. The plus side was during that weekend i made fifty dollars.
This incident went and passed, but i didnt trust the two of them after that. Both who were supposed to be friends just threw me under the bus. Something happened and the one in charge just grew to hate me because she went and asked my instructor to move me to a new room because she couldnt live with the smell of my tennis shoes. Yes i did get an odor to them, but i had athletes foot and even went and got it taken care of at the medic because it had gotten so bed. There was no smell when she went and complained and my shoes had powder in them when they were taken off, so there was no issue but to her she had complained because she wasnt living in a perfect little room to where she could control every little thing.
AFter that incident passed, i let things go and somewhat talked to the two of them but only when i had to. I just couldnt see myself being friends with two people who threw me under the bus any chance they got because of an issue that was a miscommunication. After that my instructor now thought of me as a liar and carrying drama on the team. I couldnt believe what was happening.. It seemed things just couldnt leave me alone. Things were said behind my back about this or that and then me and the roomie in charge went back and forth over the light. There were at least two incidents of us playing turn the lights on, turn the lights off game. She decided she wanted to go bed and that she wanted the lights off on a night that i had to finish our homework. I had to finish it otherwise our entire flight got in trouble, but she wanted to go to bed. It was always about what she wanted and when she wanted it. This is probably because she is a spoiled brat and is so used to getting what she wants all the time.
Things died down with us until the end of the time. After the last one, somehow one of the items on my gear mysteriously went missing. It disappeared off my gear a day that we needed it. It was on my gear Friday and when i went to put my gear on Monday, it wasnt there. It seemed kind of fishy to me that something like this would happen. I told one of the ropes that day and he said that he would work on it, so i ketp asking because i am not paying for something that i didnt lose. It was on my gear and all, but now there is no way except me paying for it to replace it because of the evil roomies. I found out that the pouch that was on my gear, got taken off and put on my roomies gear. I knew it was mine becasue the rock i had picked up and used for land navigation was still in the pocket and all. I knew it was mine, so i grabbed it and took it off and put it in my gear. I didnt get a chance to let one of the ropes know i found it until the day we got in trouble for not having our water sources topped off(although mine was topped off because i was sick and i knew id drink all my water and had gotten lectured about not being hydrated enough the day before)
The day that we got in trouble, the head rope came up to me and asked me if i knew anything about one of my roomies missing pouches (mind you these things are $15 a piece and we dont get to keep them if we replace them for being lost, and to reiterate mine is not lost it was stolen). I honestly answered him and told him the whole situation and that i had found mine on her gear and taken it off. She claimed that she had gotten it from supply, but i knew otherwise. There was nothing gotten from supply in the day that mine went missing and she couldnt find hers. Not to mention the adjustable strap was all the way out like mine was and there was a rock in there that i had used to. Im pretty positive it was mine, she was lying to cover for herself.
Anyways, we got called over to the instructor and he basically said that he didnt care what the issue was but that i was usually involved somehow in the issues going on. After hearing that, my roomie decided to bring up something that i have no idea why. She commented that she thought i had stolen her pair of black mesh shorts that have our job on them. I know for a fact that i in no way have those shorts because the ones that i do have are being borrowed from my current roomie. Anyways, the instructor didnt even want to hear it, but basically told me that everything leads back to me and now i look like a thief to him. He didnt even want to hear my side, but took her side because he has issues with me from before.
I feel so hurt because here i feel that i have nobody to turn to. There is no instructor on my team that i can talk to because now i have no credibility with them. ANything i had before was gone because i now look like a theif and a liar. I'm wondering what my instructor is going to say when he talks to us monday after training. i'm not looking forward to that and i have a feeling that i will be crying for sure that night. Master has already had to calm me down once before and told me to talk to whoever i have to in the chain of command to get this issue settled. It's times like these that i am so thankful for the Master that i have.
Speaking of thankful, brings me back to why im writing this. I was so busy Thanksgiving trying not to dwell in one place that i didnt get a chance to write. I feel so crazy and love that Master and i are so happy together. He truly does get me and knows how to correct me and put me in my place when i need to. I have times where i get into trouble because of my mouth, but there is nothing too big that He cant handle with me. I am truly His lil one and He never lets me forget it. Being here has been hard on the both of us because the reins have had to be adjusted, but i find myself settling back into my old routine without even thinking about it as the days get closer to going home.
The other night at Thanksgiving dinner with my friends, i annoucned that i was so thankful for having my understanind fiance and man in my life. He truly is amazing and has been so understanding with everything going on, but the other thing i couldnt say was that im so thankful to have such an amazing Master. These past few months being away from Him have been hard, but i know that it will make future separations easier. This time frame has been close to what an actual deployment would be like. I cant imagine leaving Him for halfway across the world, but it was a sacrifice i made when i signed that dotted line. Anyways, enough spouting off about that and back to Him. He is my world and my knight in shining armor. Looking around when there is nobody standing to face the fight with me, He is there holding my hand and saying He will do it with me. He has helped me to fight every battle and those He couldnt be there for, He offered words of encouragement and wisdom. I am honestly thankful for every minute that i get to spend with this amazing man. I sometimes wonder what His father is like because His father must have been an amazing man if he is anything like my Master. I see Him and i see His father. I never met Him, but i can imagine from the stories that my Master is so much like Him. He is kind, honest, caring and good natured. There are so many other things to describe, but the best way to say it is that i know His father would be so proud of the man He is today.
Master gives His time to me and this weekend has made me wonder if my Christmas gifts for Him show Him just how thankful i am for Him and just how much i love and care for Him. He is amazing and i love Him with all my heart and soul. This holiday season i will cherish every moment that we have together. I cant wait for Him to open His christmas presents for the lifestyle though. Granted i will probably be regretting it later, i find it hilarious and cant wait for Him to see what i got Him. I know for sure that He will love it and especially one item in particular. If He doesnt then i must not have been paying for much attention to detail and that is an epic fail for me. Only two more Saturdays and i will finally be back in His arms and serving at His feet where i belong.
Which brings me to the last thing that i can think about. Yes my thoughts are scattered and random, but i blame that on the order they enter my head. Anyways, last night was the most amazing feeling in the world. Master, after teasing me all day with the most amazing text messages about what He would do to me during commercials while watching a game and other things, allowed me to pleasure myself. This was not just a given though. No, not for Him. He doesnt just give me pleasure like that. I have to earn it...my earning it though ws begging Him to allow me to pleasure myself. There were feelings that had been moutning and going almost six months without sex would make these feelings rise up in anyone, especially someone who loves sex as much as i do. (wow did i really just admit that???) At first, i guess He thought i was going to do it with my hands. For some reason i cant do that without Him with me. There is just something in me, maybe the fact that it is one of my rules that im not allowed to touch myself without Him that i couldnt bring myself to do it, who knows. But i tried to get the words to come out that i couldnt do it and they finally did. I told Him that the only way possible was using teh shower. He laughed and told me okay and i promptly told Him goodnight and went and began the shower. These next like fifteen minutes were the most amazing minutes ever. It made me feel like He was playing with me and teasing me the entire time. I used the shower to pleasure myself and ended up having an orgasm at least three times that i counted. I couldnt believe it and i was talking in my head the entire time. All i could think of was "oh fuck me harder Master" or "please give it to me more Master" or just "yes Master, oh yes Master" all went through my head. It was crazy, but i wonder if i had any more orgasms if i could put myself into subspace on my own???(theres a question to ask Him later)
So this whole holiday has me missing Him and i just cant wait to get home to Him. Its not too much longer and we will officially be husband and wife while ill still be the submissive partner. It is exciting and i cant wait until then. It is in my every waking moment and i fnid myself dreaming about Him and His touch and just His kisses. I love it. Until then, i only have my dreams until i can feel His touch for real again.