Sunday, December 19, 2010

Such a crazy but mixed up day

   Today has been an amazing day and i cant believe that its already almost at its end. There has been laughter, crying, and snuggling together. Loving each and every minute of it (aside from a certain time) i couldnt believe that we had another day to ourselves to just lounge around and do whatever.
   This morning, i felt somewhat guilty....okay completely guilty that i didnt wake up and was able to fix Master His breakfast this morning. He got up and fixed breakfast after we got out of the shower as i was picking up the bedroom. My priorities on what should be done were wrong and i see that after thinking about it now. Hmmm...crazy when you realize that you messed up when you go back looking on what you did. Anyways....He fixed breakfast this morning which was fast and easy. The two of us ate breakfast together and then snuggled together watching tv. This morning made me feel amazing though going through and making the bed and just tidying up everything that was just thrown here and there from last night's craziness.
   Snuggling together on the couch, we watched tv and realized that we were both getting hungry later in the day. Zaxbys is amazing and i have been without it for six months. Master suggested it and let me just say that suggesting something like that can never go wrong with me. Working for them made me fall in love with the food and it tasted even better today. The chicken was just right and everything was just oh so good. Before we left, i found that the ring that Master gave me last night actually fits my hand. It takes a little bit to get off, but it fits.
   After going out to get some Zaxbys, we went out and about looking in the shops. It was so much fun going through this town that looks like its from somewhere in Europe. The buildings are decorated so well and are just amazing. We looked around the various shops and found various trinkets and just all kinds of goodies. Master found two paddles that talked about not spanking a child in the face, because theres a better place to do it and a couple other sayings. It was cute and i wish Master could have taken a picture. Although there is a feeling that we will probably be adding to the toy collection in the future.
   Finishing up our shopping for Christmas presents for my aunt and my mother, the two of us headed back to the cabin to just hang around and relax with some firewood. Master went into the office in charge of the cabins and got some and oh my goodness i couldnt believe how amazing it was to hear the fire snap and crackle around us. Before i heard all the snapping and crackling....i was in a panicked search for something that was so special and dear and i couldnt believe i had misplaced/lost it. Well i didnt lose it because it was found so i misplaced it. But anyways.....i couldnt believe it. The cabin was torn apart as i went looking in a frantic and panicked search for it. It wasnt anywhere i found and as i waited for Him to finish what He was doing and come back into the living room....i sat there thinking to myself i was dead. There was no telling what He was going to do to me when i told Him. There were no words and i honestly couldnt even begin to imagine how to try and tell Him. Crazy enough He figured it out. Not easy to get things past Master when He knows me as well as He does. There are little hints that tell Him something is wrong and i was giving those out big time.
    Sitting on the couch, He asked me repeatedly what was wrong and i couldnt find the words to voice what was wrong. There was just no words to explain how i had lost(at the time it seemed i had lost it) a ring that He had just given me the night before and that was so precious and important because it had been in His family. How could you tell the person you love that you lost something this special?? After a few tries, He finally coaxed it out of me but when i told Him  it was barely a whisper. There was just no way for me to loudly say that i had lost this precious ring.
   The two of us searched and searched and He handed me the keys to check outside the cabin. Crying and wondering what would happen if i didnt find it, i frantically searched the ground and the back of my car followed by the front seat. Going through my head, i honestly was saying to myself that for me to lose it...what would He think of me? Would He think of me unworthy to be His lil one anymore because i had done something like this. This to me seemed unforgivable. Much to my salvation(well sort of), checking the back seat floorboard where i had moved my mother and aunt's presents....i found the ring just sitting there. There was an instant sigh of relief but i couldnt help but let the tears continue to fall. Bracing myself for it, i allowed myself to just go with the flow and expected a major punishment for this. I mean could you not do that with someone who loses a ring so precious and meaning more then just a symbol of our relationship??But i didnt get anything....all i got was a very strong swat on the butt and told not to let that ring off my finger again and if it came off again i was going to get my butt beat.
    After that, i calmed down and we just lay there watching tv. Relaxing with Master, we lay there and waited til it was dinner time. Coming in after starting the steaks, Master had to remind me to start the baked potatoes. Starting them, i went back to talking with my cousin, but i made a big mistake. Here is my second mistake of the day that went unforgiven i guess so to speak. Master came in with the steaks when they were done and the baked potatoes were almost done and there was no plates on the table or anything. There was nothing on the table. Telling Master i was waiting for the baked potatoes to be done, i told my cousin that i would talk to her later and got up to begin setting the table. Looking back now, i feel this was wrong of me. I wasnt focused on what my duties should have been....i should have had the table set and everything taken care of or at least working on it when Master came back with the steaks.
   Feeling that my screw ups today are just crazy, i feel like i am somewhat out of whack with who i am and what im supposed to be doing. Its not so much that i dont know what im supposed to be doing, but that im not doing it. There just seems i guess that i have forgotten some things and feel i should be reminded of some of them. Hard as that is to swallow, i wonder if i can admit this to Master. How do i bring up that i feel im not doing things like im supposed to or that im making mistakes that i shouldnt be making. Or that i feel i should have been punished more severely for the incident with the ring and not having the table set. The table set, looking at it now, makes me seem like i was more intrigued with the tv and facebook and yahoo then my duties for Master. Maybe im wrong, but to me that is what it seems like. To me, maybe its just i need a good shock, not just what i got last night...but something that makes me learn not to forget my place. Knowing my place is important to me and i dont want Master to ever doubt that i have forgotten that. Maybe its that i need to be reaffirmed of what my place is??Who knows what that exact wording is. All i know is that im unsure and just dont want to screw up for Master.
   Tonight has been amazing though and being able to wear my collar nonstop is the most amazing feeling in the world...aside from Master's kisses. His kisses keep driving me nuts and it just stirs up a fiery feeling in my groin area. There is no words to describe but all i know is that i love Him so much and hope that even when i make mistakes that i can still make Him proud. There is no way that i could ever live without being His lil one and i feel the screw up this morning made me come close. Oh to make some chocolate chip cookies while Master reads this. Thinking i may suggest a dip in the hot tub while eating fresh baked cookies and watching tv. The hot tub always does good and maybe i can talk to Him about my feelings instead of just having Him read this.

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