Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Heart's Love Galore

   Tonight i find myself missing Him more then ever before. It's almost like i wanna cry because i miss Him so bad lonesome feeling. Normally i have no problems at all coping through the week with work and then hanging out and going home, but it seems that it just isnt the case this week.
   All this week, what two days that we have had, i have found myself all alone after work was done and walking into the house that is empty. Granted we have stuff in the house, but it just isnt the same as it would be with Him here and all His belongings. Right now all i can see is my stuff and miss Him so much. It's like my heart is aching for Him so much and im not sure why. In the past i have been able to cope with not being able to see Him by talking with Him, but it seems tonight just isnt the case. Why do i feel like such a failure that these feelings are so overwhelming? Ugh, i just wish it was easier to do.
   The funny thing is i was told yesterday to keep an eye on my husband because it was going to be harder for Him to transition then it would be. Somehow i dont see that as the case. In all honesty, i see myself as the one struggling here. Work lets out and all i do is come home to an empty house. There is no one here for me to go and do things with or just to talk to. He is here for me, but He is a few hours away and quite a few miles. Yes, there is a difference between being here and i could still be back in Texas...but the pain and hurt and aching is still real. How can you miss someone so much when you just left them? Knowing that my heart is aching is reassuring in a way because i know that this really is true love if my heart aches from being away from Him for even a few hours or moments. Going a time without talking to Him is torture for me, but i should get used to it.
   Is it going to be easier when Master finally moves down here?? In my heart the answer i know for sure is yes because either way i look at it, i get to come home to Him everyday. No matter what, unless a family member is sick, He will be here waiting for me when i get home or working. Either way i get to see Him that same day. Whereas right now i only get to see Him on weekends and this past weekend the time spent was very brief due to Him working. There is no blame being placed on Him for working because im sure He hates my work schedule just as much as i didnt like that He had to work this weekend while i was down there. It is a necessity and something to get used on both our ends....each other's work schedule but im finding it so hard.
   How do i communicate with Him just how much i miss Him without seeming needy. Today i wanted to go check out these stores just to have something to do, but my heart wasnt in it. It was pointless because there was no one there to enjoy it with me. It had nothing to do with the fact that i was told no that i couldnt buy anything for the new house yet, it was because i missed Him and hate doing things on my own. Now dont get me wrong im not one of those spineless submissives that just does whatever their told and doesnt have any opinion. My opinions are my own and Master respects them, but this was a case of me being a typical female and not wanting to go somewhere on my own. The thought of going shopping on my own is something i hate if it means that nobody gets to share in the finds that i made. Who knows...this may be a weird thought but to me it makes sense.
   So i guess in all this mumbo jumbo, i am just trying to figure out how i feel. The feeling is weird, but its a good one. This means i really truly do love Him, although i didnt doubt it either way. He is my whole world and i know there will be tougher times ahead then this so i just have to tough it out for a few more days. That first night together Friday night will be so amazing and im looking forward to being able to snuggle and cuddle with Him and just spend time with those that we love. My feelings are one of homesickness and just plain missing everyone. Friday night here i come!!! Those roads better be ready for me cause it will be pedal to the metal to get home as fast as possible!!

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