So i guess now is as good a time as any to try and begin to explain what happened these past few days and the experience i have had to endure. This is nothing bad about Master and i because He has been nothing short of amazing in taking care of me and trying to make sure that i am happy with everything. The wedding ceremony itself was beyond spectacular and my dress was amazing.
The whole time started when one of our best friends got down here. She was an amazing help to myself and Master. She helped us get ready with everything and helped us take care of the little things that i had left. It was comforting knowing she was here to help because it seemed like my mind was going off into another dimension. There was stress over making sure everything got to the reception site, how we were going to pay for something and a million different other things. Our friend told me not to worry and kept making sure that i wasnt stressing as well as Master not stressing about things too.
She was with us for a couple days and things had been prepared for my family to come down for the wedding. They were going to be getting down here the day of the wedding rehearsal to help finish setting things up and to help decorate the reception location. It was supposed to be a wonderful time, but i knew from that morning the way the text messages were that it wasnt going to happen. However, Master told me to be careful and just be myself and not worry about what they think. That's hard though when it is my family.
Invitations had been sent out a while ago letting everyone know where to be and what time to come in. The family of both parties had been told to be down here around 445 becasue our rehearsal was at 5. My family had already told me many times before that they would be down here around 2-3 in time to help us move the stuff to the reception site and get some decorating done before the rehearsal. I was even told that they were going to be leaving there around 7am so that they could get down there in plenty of time. Well this turned out to be just one of the many lies that i was told during this time period.
****Before i start on what happened, i have to make a disclaimer and explain a few things first.****
Master and i have been going to talk to a therapist about many different things that have gone on in my life lately. Although we do not talk about the lifestyle because the military itself frowns on various things lifestyle related, i leave it out because that is most definitely not a problem in my life at all. It has been my family from the very beginning. After talking with the therapist i have come to realize that i faced a lot of abuse growing up and i got the brunt of it because of the fact that my siblings were able to get away from everything. I was unable to get away from the emotional abuse that i faced growing up. Naturally as most abuse victims go, i felt that it was my fault and that it was normal for me. What hurt the most is now that im an adult and trained to notice these identifying factors, i wonder why i couldnt notice it in myself. I guess sometimes that is just how it is. Anyways, growing up i was always told that i wasnt good enough and just that i had to do better at things and i went without a lot, but i thought it was normal. It was far from normal and now i know that, but then i didnt. It has hurt me a lot growing up and it will take some time to heal everything, but i know that it will get better with Master and my family by my side. There was a few periods of violence that i experienced, but when you have parents who know the judges and police officers and attorneys in the city, who do you really have to turn to? Absolutely nobody. I honestly think that is why i fell in love with Master when i met Him because He was the first guy to actually take my crap and see me for who i am and realized that my family was really the way i said they acted instead of some fairytale drama they put on for everyone else.
****enough about the past now it's time to get back to what happened this past weekend****
Anyways, Master and my sis and His brother got things moved from the reception site and the rest of the food. It just sucked knowing that those who were supposed to be my family and helping me out were waiting until the last minute to come down. His family had a good reason because one of them had to wait until they got off work and a couple others had to wait for their parents to come get the baby and then they hit traffic because it was about the time everybody was getting off work. Anyways, it was mindwracking putting everything together and it just being us. His brother's girl was really nice and took it all in stride helping to make things and coming up with ideas to keep me from getting too stressed out. There was also the offer of getting us tickets for our honeymoon.
The time came getting closer to the wedding rehearsal and my family still hadnt made it into town. Master and i left to pick up His brother and get to the chapel for our rehearsal at 5pm. When i called them to find out where they were, i was given the information that they had just gotten off the interstate and that they still had to stop by the hotel so that my "father" could change and then they would be there. This was about the time that i had told them to be headed to the church and we still had to meet with the chaplain and get the rehearsal out of the way. It had me frustrated because they hadnt listened to anything i had said. His family was there before my family was and they had to get off work and everything.
The rehearsal went through and there was only a few hitches from my so called family. After that was over was when the monsters started coming out. My parents were giving me attitude and asking about eating. All they cared about was where we were eating and how to get there and it was just like they didnt really care about much else. On top of that my mom was bad mouthing me His family because i didnt answer my phone while we were talking with the chaplain. I was told that i should have given my phone to someone else, but that would never have happened because of my job and everything on that phone. There is no handing over of my phone EVER unless it is to Master. Anyways we got to the rehearsal dinner site, only after my family complained about how we left them but they were driving 20 under the speed limit it seemed. It is bad when He can have 3 members of His family that are driving get in front of them and drive in front of them. They were given the clearest directions that i could give, but to them it still wasnt enough.
Going through the dinner, i was trying to pay attention to what the therapist had said about them being a joy robber. I didnt want my parents to ruin my wedding day, but at the same time i didnt want to turn into the bridezillas you see all over tv. It was for sure that i didnt turn into a bridezilla, but to them i did. Anyways, thats a little bit further into the future. Master and i were both lectured about how we paid for my sister after she spent almost $900 on plane tickets to come down here and even then i didnt get to see my baby niece because she couldnt handle the car ride. It still went with how the topic has always been why couldnt you do that for us, not what can we do for you or help you with. Not meaning to be selfish or anything, but the wedding day is supposed to be about the bride and groom not about the family.
After the dinner, me and my bridesmaids headed out to go to walmart to grab something to drink. They had planned on getting me a rockstar to make it through the day and deal with my family. After arriving at walmart, i was chewed out for not letting my parents know where we were going and leaving them behind. The funny thing is that i tried calling my sister and my mother because i knew they had no clue where they were going and i felt bad just leaving them behind. Needless to say i got chewed out three times from that whole fiasco and it made for a long night. By then i was already pissed off and just ready to call it a night and enjoy the time with my sis and our other firend in the lifestyle. My sister and cousin had the idea to take me out and get me drunk and boy did they ever. The bad thing is that i felt bad for Master because i couldnt do anything for Him and had made Him a promise not to drink as much as i did. The night total for drinking was: 1 long island iced tea, 1 watermelon in a test tube, 2 blue mother f****r's in a test tube, 5-6 shots of goldschlager, 2 midori sours, 2 mind erasers, 1 shot of jager, 1 shot of tequila, 1 shot of crown. All of this was in the space of an hour. Needless to say i dont remember much after that last shot of tequila.
The wedding day was a long day and there was a lot that went on. More details of all the hurt that i experienced on my wedding day will be talked about later. For now all i can is that my family didnt even have the deceny to show up to my wedding reception. I have no family at least blood family from this point forward.----More details on during the wedding and after to come in a later blog.