So tonight I have been thinking about what exactly to write and how to even begin to go about things. Master and i got married this weekend and it was an amazing ceremony. It was very beautiful and touching except many different things happened. With it still being fresh in my mind, i dont think i want to reopen those flood gates just yet. So i think for now, i will leave those memories alone and write how i feel about all of that later this week.
Since i cant write about the whole my family situation, i am going to write about the wedding and all that Master and i did. It was an amazing ceremony and was a lot smaller then we had planned. We were both guessing at having about 50-60ish guests and we only had about 15-20 show up and the majority of them was His family. It was just utter chaos and shock before the wedding and after at the reception. The two of us learned a very valuable lesson about how we were meant to be with each other. The two of us are completely in sync and He keeps me balanced, but you take us away from each other and it is as if all hell breaks loose.
Reading through all the olds blogs from the ones i read on here, i realized that i am missing a lot lately. Master and i did put our lifestyle side of things on hold, but that was more because i was sick at the time. Lately i have noticed that the pain isnt really there---just a mere dull ache that can be completely ignored unless it gets more insistent and increases to either a 3-4 rank on the pain scale. Never before did i realize just how much the lifestyle held me together. It made the bond between me and Master that much greater to the point that i was begging a good friend of mine not to tell Him i had gotten drunk before i could talk to Him because i felt He was going to be so upset with me(another LONG story there----let me just say i wont be drinking for a LONG LONG time)
Is it wrong of me to want to throw caution for the wind and get back into the lifestyle. Sometimes i feel like im scraping by and others im not sure what to think. It's not that Master isnt caring for me at all or being a good Master. He is and i understand that He wants to make sure my health is okay. My guess is just that with all the drama i just faced this weekend that i really need the lifestyle now more then ever. It is my rock with Him and how He holds me together. For some reason in my mind the lifestyle shows me how much He cares for me in how He treats me as His lil one.
The cravings for a hand around my throat or just to be grabbed and played with and used because im His is getting stronger and stronger. There are so many things that i want to try and i find myself wondering if i should ask or just let Him assume and know just how turned on i am. Like i really wanna try and see what it would be like for me to be laying on the bed and Him using me because somehow(i think someone had a hand in this in picking it out) our bed is the perfect height for me to be laying down and He can stand and easily enter me. The shower is even calling my name. It has been so long since me and Master have had sex in the shower i kind of forgot what it felt like. Knowing that my place is under Him when it comes to the lifestyle, i sometimes wonder is it out of place for me to ask Him for what i want or should i know He knows what i want? He is my world and maybe it's all the hormones talking right now and that i just need a good hard use or what. All i know is my brain can only think about Him using me as His own little doll to screw whenever He wants and to feel Him powering into my pussy over and over again from behind and whispering in my ear about how im His(especially since our wedding night we didnt do anything cause we were so exhausted). I guess i can only hope i can communicate to Him the best way i know how ;)
Wish me luck and in the next few days time i may explain more about what happened this weekend, but for now im going to enjoy my husband's company and the fact that i dont feel like puking my guts up anymore. And maybe, i might get that good hard use that i need to where it just leaves me breathless(not that im not everytime but i love it when He plays with me so much that im just so worn out from it). He's the only thing that can make me happy these days aside from His family.But really time to go now... Wish me luck ;)