Sunday, September 4, 2011

Phone calls from the blue....

   So today has been a lazy kind of day. You know the kind of day where you just sit around and do nothing but lay in bed with your other half and watch tv all day. Call me crazy, but i kind of hate days like these where you have nothing to do. My personality is that i hate having nothing to do because i thrive on going from one thing to the next.
   Master and i layed around in bed all day and watched lots of tv shows that we love. One of them being the movie Grease. Well i sort of watched it before i started cleaning the house. There is something about making sure the house is cleaned that has been engrained in me since i was little. The living room and kitchen and hall got vacuumed, the counters got cleaned in the kitchen and counters rearranged better, dishwasher loaded, floors washed, bathroom cleaned and the bedroom cleaned. To me that seems like a good day of cleaning, but it actually wasnt as bad as it looks. All that cleaning was done in about a two hour time span.
   Master loves it when i clean because He likes a clean house. He also tends to think it's cute. Me personally, i think its just a show of my submissive side coming out in me. Honestly, i really do think it is a part of my submissive side coming out because i feel truly submissive when im the only one cleaning the house and making sure everything is nice and clean and it just makes me feel like the domestic woman i want to be. Sometimes i feel weird because im the only one cleaning the house, but that wasnt the way i felt today. I felt at home and in my own zone when i went through and cleaned the house while Master watched tv.
   So tonight is where the fun begins. Master and i had just finished up dinner when i received a surprising phone call from my mother. Now earlier today, i had called and asked about my grandmother's estate to try and figure out what was going on with it and seeing if things had been settled. Now i dont care whether i get any money or not from her house or anything, but i didnt want my parents to hold on to the money that belonged to me. Anyways, my mother calls out of the blue and im not really sure why i answered the phone, but i did. Honestly, i was prepared for whatever it may have been but it went surprisingly different then what i had planned. She called to confirm what our address was and to let me know that she was sending out the check for my grandmother's estate.
    After giving her that information, we began talking and things were hashed over again. A part of me feels a little bit cold and heartless because my mother was crying about how she loved me and that she never wanted to disown me or didnt want me to be a part of her life. To be honest, her actions and what she says are always contradictory of each other. She told me that i wasnt abused as a child, but admitted that she did hit me quite a few times growing up and that if she could change that she would. However, there are other things that she refused to admit to such as telling me that i wasnt doing well enough or i could do better. Her defense was that if there was something that i didnt like that they would say that to help motivate me. To be honest, i dont really buy it one bit. However, we all decided to agree to disagree about everything in the past and start over brand new. A part of me is still hesitant because of all the hurt in the past, but i will work with them to start over again if the effort is returned by them. Now the ball is in their court so to speak and im anxious to see waht they are going to do with this new chance.
   To be honest, i am not too sure how Master feels about this whole new situation that is going on. He is very protective of me and i am really unsure how He feels about me starting a new page with my parents. His situation with His parents was quite different and i know He wants to help me the best way possible, but i also know that He doesnt want to see me hurt over and over again like i was in the past. He has always looked out for my best interests, even though sometimes i might have felt that there were sometimes He should have let me get away with a few things. My only hope is that with all of this that He understands i cant completely shut them out of my life, but that if they are willing to put a few steps forward i may work with them. He has taught me that i am stronger then what i used to think i was. Master is the reason that i was able to completely stand up for myself and cut them out of my life to begin with. It still hurts what they did to me on O/our wedding day and there is definitely NO second chance, we can try a new relationship from this point forward but i dont forgive them for what's happened in the past. He has taught me to stand up for myself and not allow anyone else to walk over me and protect myself with a wall from those who could possibly hurt me, like my parents. To be honest, im not sure how things will go in the future, all i do know is that no matter what Master will always love me and will always stand behind me no matter what happens. He has my back and will always fight by my side when i feel that nobody else is there with me.
    Tonight has left me feeling somewhat nervous, but im not feeling hopeful at all. In the past it has led me down a terrible road in which i get my hopes up that things will change and then they dont. The future is definitely going to be a rocky start, but who knows what will be made of it. All i know is i am so extremely lucky to have an amazing and understanding Master that is there for me even when my family isnt. Wish me luck and who knows what will happen. Either way im a happy girl with a loving Master and thats all i really care about is making sure Master is happy and pleased :D

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