Today has been a good day :) It is so amazing to just be able to relax and enjoy spending time with Master. Today was the first time in a week that we have both been able to just sleep and do things on our schedule. All this week i have been on the run with work and Master has been sick. He's finally feeling better and i am almost over whatever little thing that i caught too.
So i guess the reason for writing this is about my feelings...oddly enough since the title happens to be "feelings of some sort". It's weird, but i think lately i have felt so out of it. To be honest, i dont feel like myself submissively. The other day i had the worst moment ever. Master was feeling sick and He ended up going to sleep early while i was still out visiting with a friend(i had stayed longer than i had planned). I got upset about it, and must admit i even was partially mad at Him at the same time, but it was like i was fighting myself at the same time. The rebel in me wanted to scream and shout at Him how mad i was that He had fallen asleep without me, but the submissive side at me knew that He hadnt been feeling good and i was more upset that i had let myself down. To me, i felt like a failure that i hadnt taken care of Him very well because i wasnt home and He is always there with me when i get ready to go to sleep to rub my back or just snuggle with me. Needless to say, we talked about it and i explained how i felt after He woke up and realized i was home.
That whole situation was a win for me partially because i didnt go with my rebel side and yell and wake Master up. He understood how i felt and wasnt mad at me for being upset that He had fallen asleep on me. So now that that issue is out of the way, there is another issue that im struggling with. Reading on several blogs that i follow, i see how they are experiencing numerous things. Now i know that with that everyone experiences things differently, but at the same time i find myself missing things. It's like its missing from our life and i know that Master is taking great pains to take care of me because a lot of days i can go from being completely fine one second to puking my guts up the next courtesy of our little baby that has taken up residence in my belly. It's just sometimes i miss it and im not quite sure how to come right out and ask for it just yet.
The weird thing was that tonight Master and i were watching a movie and He started spanking me playfully. It hurt, but at the same time felt so good to me. To be honest, i feel like i need a good spanking and just a good session overall. My body is craving it and needs it since its been a while since ive had a good spanking and been played with like a fiddle. Reading a fellow bloggers post, i find myself craving a good spanking that leaves my butt red and sore and then Master getting so turned on that He uses His pussy. So i guess this is my way of putting my need out there to Master for a good hard use session. Our toys havent been played with in so long and i know that the only thing that is really fine to go inside me is Him because the toys dont yield(sorry if too graphic but its true cause of being preggo) I guess my mind is just wanting to find some way to ask Him for a good spanking and a good use session because i want to squirt for Him again. He's made me do it before and id love to do it more for Him. To be honest, im not sure how much i could squirt if i really just let go. Im up for trying with Him though :) Oh well....wish me luck. Im off to go snuggle with my Master.