So last night after writing that post, Master and i talked about the various things that were brought up in the blog post on how i was feeling. Now when i say this, it is by no means putting the blame on anyone person. It is merely observations that were made between me and Him and the agreement that was brought up.
Master and i have been apart as far as me not acting like lil one for a while now and after reading the blog post, Master brought up that He does love the dog. He just doesn't react like i do to her. To Him, our dog is just a dog to Him but to me she is like another friend that offers silent comfort when it is needed. But He reassured me that He doesn't hate her except when she whines at 4 in the morning after being taken out and only because she wants to play.
The big part of what was brought up was the issue of me not acting like lil one or being His lil one. He had noticed that for some reason i had started wearing a bra to bed and i wasn't wearing the underware that He was wanting me to when it wasn't my time of the month. So i was told not to wear a bra to bed and that i would wear the underware He wanted when it wasn't my time of the month. He told me that He would write out the rules today and i would sign them this time stating that these are the rules and i am agreeing to follow them. On top of that though, Master revealed that lately when He tried to punish me for something i was fighting it tooth and nail. He knew that the type of person i was before was where i fought it a little bit, but i genuinely accepted the punishment and that He was making the right decision for me. It hurt hearing that i was discouraging Him from punishing me because i was fighting Him so much. To be honest, it hurt hearing Him basically telling me that i was no longer letting Him be my Master by fighting His decision and eventually He just stopped trying because i would fight so hard everytime. It is hard to hear these words coming from the person you love the most because it shows that the issue is you and not more a time thing.
My thoughts on all of this is that i need a major crash course in the lifestyle and that i definitely need to be retrained by Master. It seems that i have forgotten what it is like to be a submissive and have let the vanilla side of me take over too many times. The submissive side of me wouldn't fight the punishment too much (id fight a little bit but that's only because im playful sometimes and like to give Him a little excitement sometimes), but i have been fighting and enough to cause Master to not feel like a Master anymore. It seems that my mind is letting the everyday life that ive had to get used to because of my job take over and i definitely don't want that. My mind is not where it should be and i feel that it needs to be fixed for sure. Of course this decision is up to Master, but i hope that He feels the same and that i definitely need a MAJOR attitude and mind adjustment. After Master reassuring me that after last night things will be different, i have an idea of something i can do for Him but i have to wait until my time of the month is over. It may not be until after i get back from visiting family, but i hope He can appreciate this offer that will be given to Him when the time is right. Curiosity will probably kill me as i wait to see what we are going to do from here on out, but im excited about the new changes. Master has already ordered me a daily collar, which i didn't have before and it will be a constant reminder of Him owning me and that i am His submissive and not the other way around as i have made it lately.
There are a lot of lessons that i need to relearn and now that Master and i have time to ourselves i know there will be time for it. Not to mention the family member we are staying with is hard of hearing and their bedroom is on the other side of the house. It may be beneficial for me to be gagged for some of it, but i think that i may need it sometimes because im sure there are punishments and lessons that Master needs to give me. Who knows what the future holds, but hopefully it is better than the rocky road that we have had in the past few months.