Sunday, April 25, 2010

Anxiousness about the future

   Man, what a day today. It was so amazing and beautiful I cant believe that it was just magnificant. I hope there are more days in the future like the one that I had today.
       I started the day out by heading to church with a couple of my good friends. I cant believe that my Sundays with church are dwindling down. I do know that the next Sundays playing softball are going to be amazing and I cant wait to just enjoy them. I love playing softball and was sad that today's games were canceled. I hate not being able to play because it really is a big stress reliever for me. I just love the feeling of hitting the ball and connecting with it.
     Well anyways, we had an interesting discussion today in youth group during church. We were discussing how next month is family month and how the youth and children should be more visible around the church to let others know we are here and around. I believe that the youth really should do this because most people dont really know that we have youth and college age kids at our church. We kind of blend in to everyone else and aren't the ones picked to go up front and act all cute and give palm fronds to their parents or flowers. I think this is a good idea. The funny thing was, and this got me thinking, we were discussing having the youth just participating and taking a roll in things like leading the choir or even preaching. This got me to thinking that it would be so cool to actually preach a sermon to the congregation. Most people hear from my pastor every week, but I think hearing the sermon from a younger person's point of view might sometimes be eye-opening and show a side that most people don't see. I kind of wonder what it would be like to preach and am considering talking to my pastor about it as well as my youth leader. I also plan on volunteering to read some verses and prayer during the service as well because I dont really help out much right now.
       After church was over, I went and hung out with K in the nursery. I had to let her know that I had gotten dates because she was one of the first people I talked to when I was originally debating on going active duty or trying to continue school. Plus it was an added bonus that I just really like hanging out with the little kids. A had a little baby who he probably had to be no more then maybe three to four months old. He was so adorable and his name fit him. I swiped him from her and had fun with him. I find it weird but a good thing I guess that i love kids as much as I do. He was so cute. He started getting fussy though and after three people trying to calm him down, J finally figured out what was wrong. He was wet. Well, I volunteered to change him since the others were busy and J was trying to wrangle up his two young ones. I started changing him and was getting ready to ball up the diaper when K stopped me and was like you need to put a diaper on him now, cause otherwise you're going to get a shower you dont want. Well, I followed through and put it on and then balled it up. It was funny because then he went back to being a perfectly happy and content little baby. It was so cute. It's good though that I get to work with little babies and toddlers in church because it satisfies me for now. I honestly feel everyday I see little kids that I cant wait to have my own, but I'm not going to rush anything either. I want to enjoy a few years of my life and just have fun before I have kids.
       Well enough about kids because that topic is quite a few years down the road. I headed home with my friends after checking out a rock climbing place and couldnt believe how much I loved rock climbing and how awesome the place was after the one time I went there. Well anyways...I got home and was hungry and decided that I really wanted to be healthy. I went to the grocery store and spent a total of $9 on two heads of lettuce and other things for salad. I couldnt believe how little it cost to get that and some bread. It was amazing and i know that I'm going to eat no more fast food. My goal is no more fast food like McDonalds or Wendy's even with my crazy hectic schedule. I think that restaurants, like sit down ones, are okay but I am making myself order either chicken grilled or a salad. I'm trying to stay healthy and I know that he will like it because I'm working hard to take care of my body. I cant believe how amazing and happy I feel about all of it.
       After eating lunch, i was relaxing and watching tv when I got a phone call from my friend who had left for basic about two weeks ago almost. He sounded a lot better and in higher spirits. The only bad thing is, and this scared me a little bit, was that i needed to start training harder and that it was harder then what we were told and ever thought. I admit that I'm nervous now and that feeling grows more and more everyday. I know and have a good feeling that I will do fine, but at the same time I cant help but feel nervous too that I'm not as prepared as I think. I just hope I do fine, but I think I will and I know I have an amazing support system. I think my worry though is that it will be hard to handle leaving him. I think though and his saying is right that distance does make the heart grow fonder. I am glad though that I can let him know far enough in advance my graduation date so he can get time off as well as my family. The one thing that keeps running through my head about the whole thing is the song "Far Away" by Nickleback, especially the lines "On my knees, i'll ask last chance for one last dance 'cause with you I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand..." The last part is a little dramatic but the part that hits home is where it talks about withstanding all of hell to hold his hand. I know that basic is referred to as hell and i know I can make it through as long asi have him there.
         Well after enjoying my lunch and dinner and just relaxing I took a nap and passed out. I remember having an extremely bad dream about basic, but not being able to wake myself up. it was the worse feeling possible, but I know that i will have more of them as time passes. I just know though that if anything happens, I can always call him or text him and he can calm me down. He has seen me at my best, my halfway and my worst. I dont quite know what my half way is, maybe the point partially where I'm ready to break down but hopeful too. Idk, but either way he is there for me and I know it. I am really starting to realize just how much he has been there for me so far and will continue to be there for me. I cant wait to see how things progress.
       I also have to admit that I am anxious for this next week to pass by for my doctor's appointment to come. I'm nervous as can be about it and just want to get it done and over with so it is over. I dont want it hanging over my head that it could be something bad, but until then I'm not going to think that. I'm just going to continue to think positive thoughts and focus on other things in my life.
      Well after a fun filled day like today, I am anxious to see what this week has in store. hopefully nothing too horrible because the mixture of emotions last week was far too much for me. I am hopeful it will be an amazing week though.

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