Saturday, April 17, 2010

Being Home Alone is Never Good....

   Wow, what a day. It was an amazingly good day I cant believe it. I was able to sleep it for yet another day, amazingly sweet to sleep in. I love that I get to enjoy my weekends because during the week I feel like I am constantly on the go. I am one of those people who love relaxing when getting the chance.
       Well last night was interesting to say the least. I finally had my punishment. Let's just say waiting the whole day was torture for me. I dreaded it, but at the same time knew that I deserved it because he had to teach me where I stood in things. I understand that. Well, anyways back to the punishment. I can say that I thought it would be a piece of cake and the time would pass by extremely fast and it would be over with. Well, that just wasnt the case. My time started and I began to still myself to make sure I didnt move. Focusing on various things, like listening to what was going on with the show on the tv, helped me get through in the beginning. At about the fifteen to twenty minute mark, I felt myself slowly beginning to lose my control. I felt the need to move around and all. I tried to control myself and I found it hard for me to keep from moving. I never knew that I would have so much trouble with sitting still. Well, the last ten to fifteen minutes passed and I found my body starting to ache and shake a little bit as well. I tried hard and only had to be told once to remain still. It's odd how well I listen when Im in trouble with him.
       I finished my punishment, but I hope that I wont have to ever do it again for a while. It was bad to me, although I have a feeling he may have some more evil ideas in store. I was proud that I had finished the punishment with only being told to be still once, which was towards the end. I'm sure in time if I have to do it again, I will learn to be still even when my body is aching. I lost feeling in my feet and legs, so I had to move them with my hands and massage them to regain feeling in them. I know for sure I will definitely not want to try that one again. I know for sure I learned my lesson in I will never lie to him again. I didnt really mean to lie on purpose but I still lied even playfully.
      We talked some more last night and then went to sleep. It was so amazing waking up to a good morning text message. I hope he feels the same way because normally most of the time it's me sending him a good morning text message. I felt so relaxed after waking up this morning with sleeping in for a while. I can never catch up on my sleep it doesnt feel like.
      I started out the day talking with him and of course my microphone doesnt work. I am getting really frustrated with my computer and thinking about downgrading back to earlier form of windows because I didnt have all these problems before. I think I will do that instead. I worked on the story and finally finished it today. I think it was partially because I had some motivation for it as well. I cant believe that it took me as long as it did to finish it, but I also hope that he likes it. I didnt really think it turned out well, but I guess I will find out when he gets home.
   I finished that and went to hang out with one of my friends to do some shopping with him. I had to get some khaki shorts for work, but ended up not finding any where we were at. However, it was amazing talking with my friend. He's so happy for me and can tell that I'm amazingly happy. He feels that he is a good guy and has a good head on his shoulders after I was telling him how he had stuck by with everything that had gone on and was still around. I even described to him how he was always there for me when my life got crazy and hectic and it was just everyone around me was falling away from me, but he stuck by my side. i find myself blushing and just get extremely happy whenever I'm talking about him. i love the way it feels talking about him and knowing that I'm his always. It's a special feeling I love and hope it doesnt go away. I know i admitted to him a short time ago that I didnt want to lose him and I still feel that way. I'm not afraid of him, I'm extremely afraid of losing him. I think that if what I've had going on lately hasnt scared him away, then I hope that I'm right in thinking he'll be able to stay around.
      Tonight has been interesting, filled with working out and killing time watching tv. I find myself hearing strange noises and wishing I was talking to him. I think when talking with him it doesnt matter if I'm by myself, I know that I'm safe. He makes me feel so safe. I hear random sounds and wish i was talking to him. I am not one to normally be afraid of the dark, but when home alone and by myself, I find myself hearing noises that I dont think I should be hearing or other things. I hate it and love when he's talking to me because I dont pay attention to random noises. I dont freak out. Lol, I think he is my distractor and protector even when we're apart. I dont think I could admit that I like having a guy there for me because I know I'll always be safe. I guess I really like knowing that I'm safe because after my piece of mind was taking by the guy who assaulted me, it's been hard for me to feel safe again. I find myself when talking with him or doing things for him, feeling that sense of safety. Like tonight I heard weird noises, but knew he'd be online soon enough to ease my fears.

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