Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wishful Thinking and Missing His Arms

 Man what a day. I cant believe how up and down it was truly filled. I just couldnt believe what had happened. I just couldnt believe about that. I am just glad that today has finally ended and I can destress and relax myself.
     The day started out amazing. I went to work and had some fun. I found myself practicing my  new thought on doing things for him instead of just for myself. It's a new way of thinking and I really like it. I find myself liking this new approach. I went through the day dealing with my manager and actually got through it without complaining. I powered through my work and ended up doorhanging on about 40-60 houses instead of the 20-30 my manager did. Not to down him or anything because I know that would be mean. But it was amazing because my whole thought process was that I wanted to do it for him and make him proud. I didnt want to just do it for me and I also knew that if I started to complain again anyways, he would just tell me to suck it up and do the work. I told myself that by just doing it, I could hope to make him proud.
       Well I finished up work and left to hang out in my new hangout between shifts, McDonalds. It's amazing because all I have to do is order a drink and I can hang out there as long as I want. Well I felt accomplished because the whole time I was in McDonalds I was researching information and had realized everything I had set aside for bills and all. I couldnt believe that things were starting to turn around for me. It was awesome. Well I told him all that had gone on so far and he was totally awesome with it. I even was told that I made him proud because I was more focused on doing things not just for myself anymore.
      While talking with him, I was checking messages that me and another girl were sending back and forth through a discussion board. It was awesome because we actually added each other on facebook and started talking. She graduated a year after me, but swore in only two months after me. She just swore in about 2-3 days ago and was considering a special career just like me, but after seeing that not a lot of women go into that career field, she chose to go in the same career as me. It was awesome talking to someone who was looking to get into the same career field as me, especially because I dont usually get along well with girls for the most part. I have mostly guy friends and a few good girl friends just because I dont like dealing with all the high school drama girls create. I'm out of high school and in the adult world and it's time to act like it. Well it was awesome because me and her became friends and started talking. I hope to keep talking with her as we both progress.
        After talking with her, I left and went to get my emissions test done for my car. It took me a little bit to find the place, but I came at the right time because there was no wait for me to get my car done. The guy pulled me in and I began the inspection, he plugged a cap into my gas can testing the pressure is what the screen said. After that he plugged something into my car and tested the emissions on it. I'm not sure what that did but apparently my car passed. I didnt think it wouldnt pass, but I was glad.
      After passing the emissions test, I left for work and got there just in time. The new manager was working which meant that things would be interesting. F was working with him too, but it seemed things were looking up and I was going to be positive. I took out my first two orders. I ended up getting lost on the way to my second order. Putting it into my GPS, I still ended up lost. I ended up completely opposite the side of the road where I wanted it to be. I hated it and felt so upset. I was nearly in tears by the time I finally got to the place to deliver the order. I had already apologized to him and said that I had gotten lost and that I would be there shortly. Well he called in on me and ended up getting the pizza free saying it was 90 minutes since he had ordered the pizza. I felt so bad and the way he made me feel crummy when I handed him the pizza sucked. I got into my car and cried with all the pent up frustration and anger at myself. I was so upset that I had let this happen and I was trying to be good with it.
      I was texting him the entire time this whole thing was happening and just felt horrible. He calmed me down telling me that I shouldnt worry about it that it happens to everyone. I just couldnt believe it, but I trusted him and knew he was right. I still felt horrible, but did my best to shrug those feelings away. I put them aside and got two phone calls from work during this time, one letting me know the order was free and the other was to check and make sure that I was okay. I felt happy that they were checking up on me. I got into the store and they could tell I was ready to cry. They told me not to worry about it and a couple of the drivers gave me their numbers in case I get lost again that way I can get them to help me out. I was so appreciative that they were so accepting and caring about just making sure that I was okay and not hurt or something. It was amazing knowing the guys care about me and want to make sure i'm okay.
      After shrugging that off, I grabbed another order and headed out to take it out. Thankfully this was a place I knew and an apartment that I had delivered to before. I got there and the lady with the money pulled up about two seconds after. She was extremely nice and recognized me from before. The weird thing and this got me thinking afterwards...was she asked me if I got scared being a girl delivery driver around here. I think in all honesty I am a little bit afraid of what could happen but I know if anything happens he will come kick someones butt and the guys at my work look out for me and they tell me to be careful of runs in certain areas. I am just glad that they are as nice as they because in all honesty they could be mean and just not care what happens to me. I'm glad I have this job and honestly wouldnt change it for all the money in the world (or at least til I leave).
       After that run I came back to the store and was able to take a couple more runs out that were on the screen before being told I was going to be sent home. I couldnt care less because I was already thirty minutes beyond when I was supposed to get off. I looked at it with a positive view that it was more money on the next paycheck to help pay the bills. It's worth it to be honest. Well I ended up getting lost on this last run too but not in as bad of form. I called my manager this time, not wanting to be stupid like last time. He ended up telling me the wrong place to go, so in frustration I called the lady asking her to tell me how to get to her apartment from the entrance. It was awesome because she was so patient and understanding with me especially after I mentioned that I was new and still learning the area. i pulled up and she was waiting for me outside. She was understanding that it was hard to find. I left with about a $3 tip and headed back to the store.
      I was so ready to get off after that. Well I got back to the store and I somehow got roped into doing the dishes. I was told I was going to get off when I got back, but somehow I had to do the dishes. Oh well, I grinned and beared it. Smiling to myself, knowing this was even more money being added to my check. I have no problem with staying and doing overtime if they need me. I was just glad to get out of there when I got done there.
         I headed home, the whole time thinking and wishing that I could be headed home to him and relaxing with him. I know that soon that will happen, about two weeks from now, but I was impatient tonight. I just couldnt believe it about how tonight had gone. I am just glad that i can finally destress from everything and go for a nice run. I know that I wont be able to see him until tomorrow night, but at least that's a happy thought tonight. For now, i get to go for a nice run and then sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be better but until then I will hold my head high and just think positive.

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