Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Stressful Days Galore....

Man it just seems the days vary lately between good and bad. They're mixed with good and bad things and it just seems the days get longer and it's getting harder to last until I get to see him and be in his arms again. It was like everything in the world was right when I was with him and things didnt seem to go wrong.

    Today started out pretty well for the most part. I woke up this morning and ate a great breakfast of some yummy cereal to make sure that I had sugar in my system for the day. I finished and left the apartment on time this morning. It was a very uneventful drive this morning, but I realized I was going to have to refill my prescription later today to make sure I was fine with it. I was still feeling upset with myself that I had misplaced it, well more really lost it. I felt so bad and was missing him as I headed to work. I knew he was at work this morning and it could be a little bit before I finally heard from him.

    Anyways, I got to work and it seemed like it wasnt busy at all. This made me sad because it meant that later tonight would probably be a slow night too. I was a little upset because it also meant that I had to doorhang with Frazier, although I was going to just deal with it because I hadnt had to go out with him in a couple weeks. We went out and started tagging cars in the library parking lot. Well, not actually tagging them but putting fliers on them. We finished there and headed to the huge apartment complex. I was nervous about all of this because it was a huge complex and he had a lot of fliers ready. I decided not to complain and just get the job done. I ended up doing 21 entry ways and handing out so many fliers. I think with about 8 to 12 doors per entry way, I handed out almost 200 something fliers. It was crazy, but I was proud that I got so many done in the time that it took him to do about seven to eight buildings.

    I was just ready to get out of there and head back to the store, when he mentioned hitting up Kroger's and then heading back to the store for more fliers. I couldnt believe that he wanted to grab more fliers, but I was going to grin and bear it. I realized though that if we went out again I wasnt going to have time to eat or much else before I had to be back at work. Well, as I was talking with my manager he realized that and decided to let me get off work early. I was so surprised and so happy because I loved getting off early and not having to go out and doorhang more houses. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind getting paid to work, but when I get left with this guy or he tells me directions to places, it leaves for a very stressful day.

    The stressful day was interrupted partially in the morning before we left the store this morning. I was already having somewhat of a bad morning and was upset at having to go out in the cold and what looked like rain. I took it out on someone that I shouldnt have and I still feel horrible that i did. He was simply helping me to have a better morning and suggested that I stay away from the manager I was going doorhanging with. My only response seemed to be sarcastic and I said something that I regretted instantly. I instantly began apologizing to him. I told him I was sorry and that was when he told me i wasnt going to be able to talk to him for the rest of the day. It's crazy how something so small can be seen as so disastrous to me. It was like all the wind went out of my sails thinking about not being able to talk to him all day. I hated that thought and began begging him and apologizing to him for being so sarcastic. i was told that if I could come up with something to make it up to him, he just might talk with me and if not he wouldnt talk to me again until tonight. I couldnt stand the thought and all that came to mind was adding more to the spanking tally or lose facebook privilages or something else. I just have so much trouble thinking of some way that I can get back with him for having smarted off to him. I just couldnt believe I had done it. I had come so far and done so well at controlling it to go off on him like i had this morning. I know I have a lot of work to do. Thankfully he was very forgiving and accepted my apologies and punishment ideas. I lost my facebook privilages until Monday when I leave and I also am going to receive 10 spanks but with the belt instead of just with the hand. To me this forgiveness was like magic to my ears. I was silently dreading his answer the whole time I was waiting because I didnt want to be left alone to make it through the day ahead.

    Well anyways back to after lunch. I headed to meet with my mom to pick up the suitcase so I can finish packing up my apartment. I couldnt beleive that it was already almost a week until I get to see him. I leave for my grandfather's in about 5 days and then from there it's nothing but relaxation time. Sure I have to come back and work a couple days, but I'm really ready to head down to Georgia and be back in his arms again. But I was hanging out with my mother and it was like nothing I did with her was right. I was accused of being snitty and snotty and just having a know it all attitude. I just hate it because even if I talk in the same tone, I'm still accused of being a know it all or something else. She seems to put on a front when around other people and I hate it. I know that's why I really dont care about things with us. It's just I've tried so hard to keep the relationship with nothing being done in return. I'm through with it and I'm moving on because if they want the relationship to continue, it's up to them to make it happen.

    AFter that whole huge eventful afternoon with my mom, I left and headed to Borders to kill the last hour and half I had before work. I was going to look to try and find something to read on the flight to my grandparents, especially since I will have an hour layover in Atlanta going there. I couldnt really figure out any certain book to look at. I wondered if I could find anything out about the lifestyle and if there were any books on it. I began looking on the computer for a good book and found a couple ones on the lifestyle. I couldnt believe that I was looking at them and remember being a little nervous, looking around, but I soon forgot about it as I was texting him and letting him know what I was doing. It seems that no matter what I know that he can always give me confidence to get through things with him there by my side. I love the confidence that he gives me to do things, even when he's not there.

    I headed back to work and began going out on runs. I was having so much fun when I got so mad after my second run. I figured I would normally get a tip on an order as big as it was. It was a $66 pizza order. I carried in those boxes and even carried it to their office. I couldnt believe it, but after doing all this I got nothing for a tip. I was so upset because it was a huge order, but not tip money. Well, I was just mad about this, but decided to brush it off. I got back and was in time to get another order. It was for a firehouse this time. I was kind of excited to deliver to firefighters because I knew I would get a tip from them. I was curious though because he mentioned something about it being a firefighter thing with the tips. I was so surprised when they gave me $25 on a $19 order. It was so amazing to me, but he said that was usual. I still dont understand what he meant by it being a firefighter thing, but thankfully I only have to wait until I get down there for him to explain what he meant by it. But I finished up the shift and headed home, thankful to be off but sad at the amount of tip money I had made for the night. It wasnt a usual night, but I guess it's normal for about this time.

    I headed home and found myself thinking the whole way of him. I hadnt heard from him since before I left and he had said he was on a call. I dont normally get nervous about it, but when I hadnt heard anything from him and it had been an hour I began to wonder if everything was alright. I know his job has some dangers in it, so I pray that he stays safe when he's out there. I know he probably does the same thing when I'm out there driving. I am glad that he is there for me to calm me down, especially after mornings where I have a rough night sleeping. Knowing that he was there this morning when I woke up was comforting. I knew if I had had a bad dream and woken up, he would have comforted me. It was weird dream and I dont remember much about it other then I was trying to run away from someone and I ended up getting shot about 10 to 12 times in the back in my dream. I remember feeling sharp pains in my back, but it was crazy because I woke up shocked.

    Anyways, after a day like today, I kind of wish that I had been able to come home to him, or been there for him especially after his long day at work. He ended up coming home and I have never been so happy when I got a text from him saying he was back and then he was home. I loved it and couldnt wait to talk with him. I just cant wait to get back to Georgia where I'm in his arms. It's getting harder and harder to make it through the day, but its also comforting knowing that he is struggling and missing me just as much. I cant wait to see what the future holds for us, but I'm also looking forward to what else I can learn and be taught while I'm down there.

No comments:

Post a Comment