Friday, June 4, 2010

Learning the ropes can sure be fun sometimes....

Wow today just seemed to drag on, but in my opinion I'd rather have it drag on then fly by especially with me leaving later this month. I cant believe how amazing today went, but it was crazy hectic and started early this morning.
    Last night was another amazing night of fun and experimentation. It seems that with  my writing or somehow I am giving him ideas to use, although he already has a lot of ideas in his head as it is. I was having fun and brought out some old pictures and my yearbook to show him things from my past to give him ideas of what I was like in high school. The funny thing is that looking at all these pictures, I see who I used to be and I dont see the person I am now. It's like a totally different person from the girl I used to be----different hair, personality, and attitude. I have accepted who I am and am working on things to get to where i want to be. I love all the changes he has created in me as he has helped me realize more and more who my true personality is.
    Anyways, after showing him these we waited a little bit before I finally gave him his surprise. This was after waiting a little bit and talking with him about the old photos. I didnt know it, but I had made him feel a little jealous when he saw me with  my old boyfriends. I didnt mean to create these feelings in him because he is truly the only guy I love and have ever loved. In the past I thought I knew what love meant, but i really didnt. Looking back at it now I think it was more a strong infatuation with a person then loving them. I know I love him because I can only see myself with him and nobody else. I have found that when I'm out by myself or driving that I'm no longer looking at guys and thinking "he's cute" or "he'd make a good guy to date" because I have found that guy---him. He is amazing beyond words and I thank God every day that I'm blessed to have him in my life and so supportive of everything I do. I love knowing he is behind me in everything I do and always supports me and wants me to do my best and be happy. It's amazing having someone feel that way for the first time in a while in my life.
    I finally was able to give him the last part of his surprise. I had waited for our anniversary because I knew this was something that he would really love. It was something that I have never worn before and I knew it would be an amazing first for me to wear these outfits for him. I told hiim to close his eyes and choose a number because I wanted him to choose which one I wore first. He kept messing with me, telling me he wanted both but when I told him he couldnt have both he chose number two first.
    I couldnt believe it, but this had been bought in hopes to be worn someday for someone and today was the day! It was a polka dot bikini type lingerie top with a polka dot thong to match. I put it on while he kept his eyes closed and when I was done I turned on the light and told him to open his eyes. It was such an amazing feeling because he opened his eyes and all he could say was "wow" while staring at me in shock and amazement. I couldnt believe I was doing this for him, but I loved it. Wearing this little nightie made me feel so amazing that I loved it and hoped he liked seeing it on me. I was nervous wondering if I looked okay in it, but he reassured me that it looked really good on me and that I looked good.
    After receiving this encouragement I had to ask him to close his eyes again. It was amazing because I changed into my other nightie that had never been worn yet either. I had bought it for spur of the moment and partially because I thought it was cute, hoping for this one too it'd be worn for someone some day. I grabbed my black lacy thong and put it on with this black lacy nightie. I liked this one because it made easy access for everything. You could either tie it closed or clip it closed, but either way it opened quite easily providing access to my boobs. I loved it and the way it made me feel, because it made me feel extremely girly wearing it. He opened his eyes again and was put into shock yet again as he saw his other surprise. He was grinning as wide as could be and I couldnt believe it. He was loving this outfit too.
    He loved both outfits, but having to choose one that he liked better, he chose the polka dot one. I loved this one better too because it seemed just a little bit more girly to me. I had to go to the bathroom but after I got back, I changed back into the polka dot nightie. I think he really loved this one because it provided easy access and was cute. I loved it too.
    I couldnt believe how amazed he was with the nighties, but I was glad that he loved the last part of his surprise. He was shocked, but in a good way and loved it. I think they really turned him on seeing me like this to versus my normal pajama pants and tshirt because his hands were soon exploring.
    I found myself being undressed on the bed. I began slowly kissing down his body starting from his neck down to his cock. It was an amazing feeling when I got down there and began licking and sucking on him. I could feel him pulsing in my mouth and becoming harder. Before I got too far along, he had me move back up his body kissing him as I came back up. When I got back up there, he grabbed me and moved to place me on top of him. I couldnt believe how different it was with him moving into me this time. It hurt a little bit more, but I think this was because it caught me by surprise or I wasnt relaxed. I soon relaxed and began to go with the flow.
    As things progressed it seemed as if he couldnt get into me. I'm not sure what happened, but I rolled with what he did. After a few minutes I was pulled off of him and moved halfway down the bed. He pulled my legs apart and moved in between my legs. He placed himself in my mouth and moved down to lick and suck me. I couldnt believe how amazing this felt as his hands moved in and out of what was probably dripping wet pussy. He was eating me out and it felt so amazing. I remember licking and sucking faster with him in my mouth, hoping he would continue to do what he was doing the faster I licked and sucked. It felt so good!
    Then he moved off me and moved in between my legs. Before too long I found myself experiencing some more new things. He grabbed the bandanas and tied the two of them together. I had been guessing all day that I was going to be gagged, but it wasn't 100% sure. He had been joking around with me throughout the day putting it against my mouth, but I knew then thats what it was. He tied them together and then placed it on my mouth. I have to admit that I liked this and it turned me on a little bit more. I like having it every now and then because then I dont care about getting loud, although I didnt before because I knew that he would stop me if I got too loud too. Anyways...he tied that on me and I admit that I was turned on even more by being gagged. It made me feel like I was that much more helpless and submissive to him because I was at his will and mercy.
    His fingers found both holes and began moving in and out in unison. I was so glad that I had the gag in because i was close to screaming in ecstasy. I found myself almost coming out of my body not once but twice during this entire process. It felt so amazing and it seemed that he rolled me into one after the other orgasm. I cant even remember how many happened, but all I know is that it felt so amazing what he was doing. Part way through the gag was taken out and I then had to use the pillow because the gag wasnt blocking enough sound. I couldnt believe how loud I was getting. I know he likes hearing me get loud and I unconciously am trying to get louder for him. I'm tryiing but I'm not trying if that makes any kind of sense.
    Well after finishing, I was dressed again and back in my nightie and pajama pants this time. I gave him a back massage and calmed him down. All of that seemed to wear me out as we went back to watching softball games. We caught the GA vs Washington game and it was a good fought game. I ended up getting sleepy before the very end and passed out on him. I couldnt believe I fell asleep before him, but I was trying to stay awake so that I could finish watching the game with him. I felt bad and wished I hadnt, but I also know it happens. I had bad dreams last night and tossed and turned all night. I know the worst part of my dream was that I wanted him and couldnt find him in my dream. It was weird, but I hated it.
    Anyways, the night finished and today started. I woke up to his kisses telling me that he was leaving and if I was going with him I better get up and get dressed. My mind was still foggy and in a haze when I got up and began dressing. I grabbed random clothes, not really thinking anything out and threw my hair up in the car. We headed to the barn to help get a few things done before the rehearsal dinner tonight. I couldnt believe that tomorrow is the wedding. I'm excited and so nervous for him to see me all dressed up. I hope that I look good for him and I cant wait to see him all dressed up.
    Back to the helping....we finished there after talking about a few things and headed out. We grabbed some lunch and headed to pay his cell phone bill. Today was a mostly relaxful day as we hadnt really planned on doing anything until the rehearsal dinner. After finishing lunch, which I was surprised that I ate an entire foot long and a bag of doritos too, we relaxed and played on the computer. We ended up having to sit outside for a little while because my computer couldnt pick up any kind of signal in his room, or well it could but it didnt hold it very long. It was so nice sitting outside on the front porch with him. We looked at random pictures on my friends facebook and I found myself laughing at some of them because they had the lifestyle in them. It was funny. I loved every minute spending time with him and was glad today went well.
    After spending the afternoon relaxing, it was time to head out for the rehearsal dinner. I was expecting it to go somewhat like my sister's did, but this one wasnt even close. I met a good bit of people, but couldnt remember a lot of names just yet. We ate an amazing dinner of parmesan chicken, although I do admit that it isnt as good as his macaroni and cheese and ham. Those two beat the parmesan chicken hands down, but shhh its a secret. It was hilarious because a couple people commented on how I was being so helpful and getting food and plates for Ricky. It blew people away because they are so used to the "fend for yourself" attitude, but they might as well get used to it because that is how I am and that is how our relationship is. I take care of him and make sure things are taken care of with him. Although at one point during dinner, I almost got myself into trouble because I was arguing with him. I know I shouldnt have done that, but sometimes I just do it out of habit. I think after today and almost getting into trouble its a habit that needs to be broken.
    Dinner came and went and it was time for the rehearsal itself. We had to wait about an hour and a half or so after eating for the preacher to show up. It was fun watching all the different people talk about all the different ways that things should be done. I was going crazy and wanted to say something, but I held my tongue. It just to me felt that things should be done how the bride and groom want to do it not everyone else. The wedding party had to practice marching up and down the aisle about three to four times. It was crazy watching them practice so many times because they were walking too fast, or chairs and other things were moved out of the way. I couldnt believe it and would have been frustrated if I was the bride with everyone voicing their opinions on what should go where.
    After the rehearsal was over, it was time to go home. I cant believe what a long day today has been and I know tomorrow is going to be even longer with all the running around I have to do with him. I am ready for it though because I'm ready to see him all dressed up and he gets to see me all dressed up too. We came home and it seems that both of us are tired after today. I have a feeling were going to be tired from tomorrow too.
    It was amazing today talking with him about weddings and all. I admitted to him that I wasnt like all the other little girls and dreamed about what her wedding would be like when she married. Mostly this was because when I was about eleven or twelve, my parents told me that whenever I got married I was on my own. This left me thinking that I wouldnt be able to afford all the fancy dresses or catering or anything like that. Telling him this, he told me to start dreaming even though things wouldnt happen for a while. I cant believe it, but he said to dream and all. I am not sure at all what I would put into my wedding or all, but I'm sure when it gets closer I can think about it more but for now it's more vague ideas in my head.
    I must also admit that I hope tonight that I didnt upset him like I did last night. I had my internet suddenly start working and sign me into my yahoo messenger. My messenger had popped up and people that I had deleted last time i had installed messenger had popped back on. There were a couple that I randomly talked to, but it was rare and few moments. I havent really talked to anyone in the lifestyle since I have found him except my sub friends. I just to me it feels almost like I'm betraying him in a way by having a dom friend. I know that friends are okay, but to me I guess it may seem like something else with me talking to them. After today, I can see that and realized that there are still some things that I need to edit out of my old self and life. I am still working on cleansing things, but some things I just keep missing. I feel bad when something like that happens because I just hope he knows that no matter what since the get go he has been the only guy for me and always has been. I love him so much and dont ever want to  lose him or put that in jeopardy. I think when I get a chance I am going to do another major cleansing of profiles and messenger. I swear I got it but sometimes you miss some things, much like that picture of a certain someone I got that he told me I had missed.
    I still cant believe how blessed I am to have him in my life. There were so many obstacles that I thought would stand in the way of any kind of relationship with anyone---my parents, me being assaulted, and even me leaving for the military being the biggest part. However, he has openly accepted it and has welcomed every thing into his life too. He has helped me overcome my problems and shown me that things are that big to stress or worry about them. I love being around him because I'm not stressed out or anything because I dont have to hide who I am from him. He knows everything about me, the good and the bad and the in between and doesnt care about it because he loves me.
    It was amazing hearing him tell me that even if I wasnt into the lifestyle that he would still love me. I couldnt imagine being happy with anyone else because I love him with all my fiber and being. He is my whole world and my Master. Which speaking of the lifestyle, I kind of wish it was just us staying together, but I know that's okay and there will be in time. I  also know that there are going to be little things that I have to learn how to do for him, but I love doing what I'm able to do for him right now. I just hope that I can learn things the way he wants them done and do them and make him proud. I have made quite a few mistakes so far and I really do hope to learn from them. I know it's a learning process in the beginning and that is how you grow, which is why I'm so happy that he is so understanding and patient while also being firm and strict when he was to be too. I'm curious what other new things I'm going to learn about myself and how much further my limits can be tested to see how far I can go. Whew...tomorrow---such a long day but worth it to be able to dance with him and to get all dolled up for him.

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