Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A new spanking tool means another new lesson learned...

Today has been a wonderful day and it's hard to believe that it's almost over with now. These days so far that I have spent with him have been amazing and it hasnt even been a week yet.
    Last night's movie was a good movie. It was cool because we were talking about ghosts and whether or not we believed in them or things like that. The two of us were talking and he says that he believes in those kinds of things although his grandmother doesnt. It was cool because I felt that I had experienced something when I was younger. It was a one time thing that I can remember. It was something that happened when I was younger, I think I was about four at the time. I remember touring the Bell Witch cave and swearing that I saw her there, but my mom told me that I hadnt because there was no way I could see her. It was creepy and I remember running out of the cave all the way back to the car because I saw her and I knew she was evil. My mom swears this never happened, but I know it did.
    Anyways, we cuddled together watching the movie and he was laughing at me jumping and twitching at various parts of the movie. It made me feel so safe though when he grabbed me and just was like he was letting me know it was okay I didnt need to be afraid. Well, he was letting me know that, but it was more his hugs were saying it then his words.
    After finishing the movie, he turned on Army Wives on for me. It was so sweet that he remembered that I liked this show as he turned it on. He turned over and I was rubbing his back. I couldnt believe it, but it was so cute how within a few minutes he was dead asleep. Well not dead asleep, but he was knocked out. I kept rubbing his back and he stayed asleep. After a second, I covered him up with the blanket and watched some more of Army Wives. He looked so cute and innocent asleep like that I loved it.
    I passed out not too long after watching the movie, but apparently watching that movie was a good and a bad idea if that makes sense. I dont normally have bad dreams from scary movies, this one wasnt even very scary either, but as of last night I had super bad dreams. I found the witch in my dreams and it was crazy because she was chasing me for something, I'm not sure what. After that, the black form hooded guy from the movie, turned into the guy that I dread seeing in my dreams and real life. It was crazy and I found myself fighting him in my dream, trying to get away from him again.
    After this bad dream, i fell back asleep for a short time and then on top of that I woke up hearing music. I was confused because he wasnt in the bed but the music was on. I realized I had to pee, so I got up and walked around the house looking for him. I heard the tv on and thought maybe he was in the living room. Well not finding him, I went ahead and used the bathroom and then went to text him. I knew he wouldnt leave me, but me not knowing where he was had me a little bit worried. I got a text message from him a few seconds later saying he hadnt left me. Knowing that he was here, just probably doing something helped calm me down and I settled in and watched some tv. It was going to be a good day. I knew it, especially after him coming back and smiling at me, kissing me and reassuring me that he wouldnt ever leave me without me knowing where he was going.
    The day started with me grabbing my clothes and then grabbing his so the two of us could take a quick shower. We had gotten lucky and his grandpa and brother weren't home. We had a good time in the shower and I realized that my certain area was still a little sensitive. It was just the lips, but I'm glad it wasnt extremely sensitive like it was yesterday. Although I have to admit that I'm not complaining about what happened either. It felt amazing. After showering, I grabbed the laundry and folded it real fast while he finished watching the Price is Right. I cant believe I had forgotten those clothes in the dryer, but next time i will remember for sure.
    After watching the rest of the show, we headed out the door to Zaxbys and Wal-Mart. He had decided he was going to cook spaghetti for dinner and I was excited because it was going to be yummy. He's a good cook and his ham and macaroni and cheese was good as well. I wonder if we can cook some more later this week because I love to cook and I want to let him taste some more things that I can cook. Anyways, we headed out the door and our first stop was Zaxbys for some lunch. It was yummy...I hadnt had a grilled chicken sandwich from there in a while---pretty much since last time I was down here with him.
    His food was good and I talked with him and filled him in on my dreams. This was where I found out that I was combative in my dreams last night with him, well this morning. He was trying to calm me down and just get me to stop fighting and I guess when I was fighting to get away from him, I almost knocked him out. I felt safe knowing that he was there for me trying to calm me down and just there for me when I was having bad dreams. I have never experienced this before and I love the feeling of knowing he is there always, in good and bad times for me.
    After finishing at Zaxbys, the two of us headed off to Wal-Mart for some groceries for dinner. We looked at some Georgia stuff and got some things for me that I need for basic. I cant believe the time is getting closer, but he felt we should go to Athens to look at some more UGA stuff and go to the mall there. I was up for it, which I'm really up for anything as long as I'm spending time with him. We checked out and finished up there and then headed back to the house to drop the food off.
    We dropped the food off and headed to Athens. I was excited because this was going to be another part of Georgia that I got to explore with him. He was showing me all these other places and I love road trips with him. We left and headed down the road. It was amazing driving down the road with all the windows down and the music blasting, singing along as loud as can be. I loved every minute of it because the two of us can goof off and laugh together at the various songs we listen to and sing to. He was dancing to Barbie Girl which made me laugh.
    The funny thing is that this song to me makes me think of the lifestyle and reminds me of how I feel about things, especially with certain lines. Hearing the song and listening to little girls singing it, it's cute because they dont know what it means. Being older, I learn more about what various parts mean and it sounds a little weird, or it did when I first was still learning about who I am. Now that I know who I am there are certain lines that make me laugh and smile because they fit my personality. The lines that hit home the most for me are: "Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please. I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees..." It's funny because this is so true that he can make me do whatever he wants to with  me because I am His lil one.
    Anyways, enough about random song lyrics and back to the day. We got to Athens and walked around the mall. I couldnt believe this mall. It was amazing and I loved going into the shops with him. I'm still getting used to the whole idea that whatever I'd like he will buy it for me (within reason of course i'm sure of). I am not 100% used to it, but am still working on it. I dont want to get so used to it that I act like a spoiled brat or anything like that, but I also know that he likes to take care of me too. It's conflicting emotions there, but I'm working on it slowly but surely. It was amazing though walking into the UGA shop and seeing all the Georgia gear. It looked so cool and I honestly would have worn a lot of it, but would rather wait until I get out of basic and can wear whatever. It's also because I know that my clothing size will probably change between now and that time too.
    After hanging out at the mall, we headed out and decided to stop at the Wal-Mart in Athens while we there. It was funny, but with the college being in Athens it was more then likely we would find a whole section of gear there. Sure enough, we get in there and we did find a whole section of Georgia gear for the car and to wear and all. I loved his idea of getting a camo flag for my car to sport. I would proudly put it on my car and the funny thing is if I pulled up with that, my parents would go "how are you paying for all of this?" which is their usual response for everything. It's crazy that I never really cared about a sports team before, but it seems that I'm excited about finally having a team to cheer for. I'm sure that over time he will teach me about them, I may see if he can do that one day while I'm here, but I'm happy to have a team to cheer for too that isnt UT. I may be a Tennessee native, but I hate UT. I dont know why but I do for some reason.
    We left Wal-Mart after I got a brand new wallet. I LOVE it. I have been looking for the kind of wallet it is and it's also a Georgia fan wallet. I couldnt believe it and all my stuff fits in it. Well, all my bank cards and id cards and all. I feel like today we accomplished a lot and it wasnt even completely over. On the way home, we decided to stop at Sonic for a drink and it was amazing. I think I had a sugar overload today though because halfway through my drink I started feeling sick, so I quit drinking it. It got close to dinner time and as I was helping him cook dinner, I felt like I was going to be sick  and had a headache. Although usually when I get a headache, I feel this way anyways.
    Before we started on dinner the two of us were cuddling together, watching tv. It felt so good to lay there snuggled in his arms and it was funny because i stole his hat a couple times. I had so much sugar in me and I could feel it going through me. I loved the feeling, but it was funny. I guess I dont need that much sugar again. I felt bad though because I got myself into trouble with him. I was being playful and didnt answer him when I was playing around and said no that he wouldnt beat my ass for taking his hat. I knew he would if he really was going to but for some reason my playful side had me saying no. I didnt answer him though, even after being asked five times and that earned me smacks with my hairbrush. I have to admit the hairbrush doesnt seem as bad to me, because the belt has more of a bite although I'd rather not have either.
    Speaking of playful side, I cant figure out why it is coming out. It's like I want to get into trouble but I dont. I dont know what this feeling is or whether it's normal. I just dont want to be bad just to get attention by getting in trouble. I've read that sometimes submissives do that just to get attention, because they feel neglected by their Dom/Master. I know I dont feel neglected at all because he pays so much attention to me, but at the same time I have a side that is begging to be let out and get into trouble. I want to be playful and I guess see how far I can go before I get into major trouble, but I dont want to push buttons. It's like the Angel and the Devil are playing sides with me. I couldnt believe it and I hate these conflicting feelings. It's almost like I'm tempted to ask to just give me a spanking or something or I dont know what so that I can get it out of my system. I'm sure he'll know what this is, but I guess with all things too that I may get into trouble sometime later anyways--not on purpose either.
    It was crazy though because after getting told I was in trouble, he pulled me up close to him and snuggled with me. He was working on make me laugh and tickling me. It was weird though because apparently I had turned him on with all the feistiness I had displayed before when I was taking his hat away from him. He was hard and I could clearly see it through his shorts. It was noticeable to me after he said "Look at what you've done to your Master." I couldnt believe I had done that and didnt know that I had turned him on so much. He kept kissing and nibbling on my ear and asking me if I was "turning into a horny little girl with his kisses". My voice couldnt seem to come out, but my head was silently thinking "Yes, Sir" I was. I really was getting turned on by his kisses and the nibbling on my ear. It felt so good and he knows that spot on my neck and ear is just such a huge turn on for me. Oh well, it felt so good and I wasnt complaining. It was a little sore when he started rubbing me, but after yesterday the only part of me that is sore is my lips where I think he bit me.
    After getting in trouble and being told that I have five smacks with the hairbrush I was a little sad, but he began tickling me to make him smile. I love how he can punish me but also let me know I'm His and make me smile and laugh too. It's a delicate balance of control and power and discipline mixed with caring and guiding too. It was funny because he pulled me on top of him, letting me relax and all on top of him. I'm not sure but maybe he likes the feeling of me laying on top of him. He went to get up and I clinged to him like a monkey. It's funny because he keeps calling me a monkey because of the way I clung to him earlier or how I pick things up with my toes. It's funny though because I realize that my nickname from my parents suits me very well--monkey.
    Anyways, he was pulling me up and I went to wrap my legs around him when he let me go to the ground on my knees. It felt so bad when I landed because I hit the battery pack of my computer with my bad knee. It wasnt his fault because he didnt know they were there and he didnt let me down hard either, I think I just hit it wrong but the pain hurt really bad. He was sweet and massaged it away though as I lay there trying to focus off it. It was sweet and caring to me. It's crazy just how well he takes care of me. I'm in shock everytime he does it because I dont expect it, but it happens everytime. He truly cares about me and loves me and it shows in every little thing he does for me from remembering my favorite tv shows to easing my aching knee.
    After that, we headed into the kitchen and started cooking. It was fun watching him cook and I love it. I love cooking too, but every now and then it's nice to watch others cook, although I havent cooked but once so far. I hope I can cook some more before I leave because I have some awesome recipe ideas to make for him and I make good food. I also like that it saves money too on getting things for dinner instead of going out to eat a lot.
    Well, I grabbed the things out of the pantry while he was using the bathroom and had grabbed the cookies too. I decided that I was going to make some cookies after dinner because for some reason I wanted to try some homemade chocolate chip cookies. The dough was already made from the first time I came down, so I just had to put them in the oven. I took a small bite out of one of the balls to test and see just how frozen it was. It turns out it wasnt too frozen and easy to eat like it was. I love eating raw cookie dough, so I took another bite. About that time, he was coming out of the bathroom and asked me if I just took a bite of it. Responding with a yes because he had seen me, it's not like I would lie about it anyways, he told me that was an extra smack. I didnt need that extra sugar. I went to finish the doughball and got the evil look and asked if i was going to keep eating it. I nodded my head because I was really wanting one at the time, but after that he said I now had ten hits. I hated that and sat there for a few minutes toying in my head whether it was worth it to finish eating it and receive the ten hits or to just put it back and take the six that I got. I ended up deciding it wasnt worth it and balled it back up to where it was a normal ball and didnt look like someone had just bitten into it and put it back in and then put it back in the box. I got a funny look as i licked my finger of the small bit of dough that was on my fingers as I headed out of the room to use the restroom.
    I came back and finished helping him with dinner. I felt bad because when it came time for me to get the dishes out, I was deleting other contacts from phone that I didnt talk to anymore or hadnt talked to me. A good bit of those contacts were from college anyways and I no longer needed them. I just felt bad though because it was my job to get that taken care of and I was slacking in it. I need to get back into gear because I feel like I am forgetting occasionally. It's somewhat like he was asking me earlier if I had become too much of a spoiled princess that I needed to be reminded of my place. In a way I think I do, but in a way I think I dont. I know he knows me well enough to know when I need a reminder and I know that He will always make decisions in my best interests and what he thinks is the best for me. I may not always like the decisions, but I know theyre in my best interest and to teach me and guide me.
    Well after dinner, I was asked if I was going to strip him. I didnt know if it was rhetorical or not or if he was just being funny. I admit that I was shocked and kind of blew it off. I couldnt believe it and I nodded my head no. It was more because I wasnt totally sure of how to do that because I've never done that before. I didnt think about it and glanced it off and then asked him if he would rub my back. For some reason, my back and head were hurting and I just couldnt seem to fight it off. I drank water and I ate some actual food that wasnt filled with sugar and it seemed my headache still wasnt going to go away. I decided to suck it up and take some Lortab and it seems both abated with the medicine and him rubbing my back. I just hope it didnt seem like I was blowing him off because I didnt like the idea or anything like that, although with him it wouldnt matter because he can order me to do it too. It's either way.
    Well today has been an amazing day and i cant wait to see what tomorrow brings. He is an amazing guy and I feel so lucky to have him in my life. i love how he drives and the various topics we can discuss from kids to license plates to jobs to ghosts and to careers. I love it all and how I can be so honest and open with him. It's a life changing experience for me, but it is for the better. It's like I realized earlier today that there are things in my life that have changed that I never noticed until now. Like with my whole money situation, I know that even though I will be away in tech school that I will still be clearing things I purchase through him because it prevents me from spending money that I dont need to be spending. It's like my version of the checks and balances system. Like when we were talking and I was still living in the boro, I didnt go out to eat really because I didnt need to spend that money or I didnt go shopping a lot. I love the idea of clearing things through him and knowing that I can or cant get this or that. I'm excited though because my one happy thought is that we get to look for a car together after I graduate from basic or tech school. It will more then likely be after tech school, but I just cant wait. That will be when I'm finally completely independent of my parents and wont have to depend on them for anything because I'll be taking care of things, with His help of course to make sure I'm doing it right.
    All this talk of how amazing he is makes me wonder. I can say and I havent voiced it to him, but I'm getting worried now and a little nervous about basic. I know the date is steadily approaching. My nerves are starting to kick in because I wonder just how well I will do or even will I make it all the way through. I know he has already said that he will love me no matter what and has complete confidence that I will make it through. My worry is that something else beyond my control will cause me to not make it. I guess more the fears in my head are getting the best of me and I'm sure they're all uncalled for fears but they still feel real to me. I just dont want to let him down because I want him to be proud of me and I really do want to join the military. I guess whatever happens, happens and we can figure it out then if anything does, but for now I guess I just need to relax and just let things happen and enjoy spending all the time I can with him. There is no point in worrying about things that are beyond my control.
    I cant wait to see what tomorrow holds for us, but tonight is going to be a good night. I'm anxious to get that spanking over with, but know either way it's to teach me a lesson. I am curious as to if the hits from the brush will be too hard or not. No use worrying about it though because when the time comes I will take my punishment. I earned it and deserve every bit of it. It still makes me curious if I should get more to remind me of my place because I'm not totally sure that I havent been acting like a spoiled princess and forgotten my place. I know that only he can decide that. Well anyways, heres to a brand new day tomorrow and fun tonight snuggling together.

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