Wow...I have never had a feeling of such dread and hated knowing everything that was going on. I found myself in trouble yet again, although this was more because i didnt have patience and that i also spoke without thinking. I cant believe i did it because i honestly know better then that. I guess sometimes, my brain gets the best of me and i spout off without filtering what i just said. That's also why my mouth has gotten me into trouble because sometimes i get so mad that i just spout off, while others i just didnt think.
Today started off with the two of us snuggling and for some reason i was a little bit whiny this morning. I just wasnt totally awake, but i was kind of grumpy this morning. I dont think i have been grumpy with Him in he morning ever, but this morning was the first. It wasnt that i didnt get enough sleep because i sure did, but for some reason it was just crazy. I felt so out of it again today it wasnt even funny.
After waking up, i got the room together and got a shower and then it was time to go see His family. This was where i got myself into trouble because i spouted off without thinking and managed to put myself in a bad spot. I acted like i was greedy (which im not a greedy person at all) and i couldnt believe i asked Him what i did. It just couldnt get any worse, but it sure did. At least for my emotions it did. I couldnt believe it, but i found myself crying at the thought of having to say goodbye to both Him and His family. It's crazy that i'm leaving so soon on monday and the tears have been threatening to flow since earlier. I cant believe how things have gone, but i should have expected these feelings to surface sometime soon.
I hope that my punishment from earlier is something that i will remember. I have a bad habit of not thinking before i speak or act and it gets me into a lot of trouble lately. Today was a very good example of that. I find myself so focused on other things that i dont do other things like i should. The only thing i know for sure is that i deserve whatever punishment it is that i get and i'll take it.
I find myself not ready to say goodbye on Monday, but it will come before i know it. I'm going to miss Him so much and i hope He knows that i will always be His lil one even when im gone and away at basic.I wish i could be there to take care of things for Him, like i should be doing...but for 21 1/2 weeks i wont be able to :(. This is a sad thought for me, but oh well. I only hope that i can make it through basic and tech school so i can get back to His arms again.
Sorry this is so short, but someone who can normally write a ton i find myself torn tonight. I have so much to say but i cant think of what to put into words. It's been an amazing day and had some roadblocks in the way is all i can say. It's going to be an emotional next few days, but i'll make it through with Him by my side every night.
I have to admit though one thing before i finish that i feel bad about tonight. It seems like today i had so many things to take care of that it was like i wasnt going to be extremely focused on Him. I got home and had to do the deferrment for my loans (which couldnt do) and then had to finish His surprises. The other thing that i have yet to do that i need to is to wipe my computer, but i want to make sure that i have everything off of it. I am sure that i do, but it can be done when we get to my friend's place tomorrow. I just feel horrible that i didnt really pay attention to Him while i was finishing His surprises because i really wanted to get them done. I have a bad habit of getting a task and focusing solely on getting things done. I realize i should have talked to Him while i was getting these tasks done instead of leaving Him to amuse myself as if i wasnt there. I only hope that He sees how sorry i am that i didnt talk to Him or just let Him know what was going on. :( I feel bad that i did that because it makes me feel bad that i wasnt paying attention to Him.....ugh i feel like i screwed up so much today, but everyone has their off days. I only hope that mine doesnt last any longer then today....