Monday, September 27, 2010

Could the days really be a turnaround from yesterday?

   Wow, what an amaznig day today has been. It has been crazy up and down type of emotions, but overall i wouldnt trade it for the world. It seems that i sometimes tend to take for granted what im learning here that can help me in my duties to Him. I may not know yet what it is, but i'm sure that it will come in handy sometime soon.
    Anyways, the day started with me heading out ontime a little rushed this morning. I was up 20 minutes to get into my blues before i had to be out the door. Normally i can get ready in this amount of time, but today that just wasnt the case. Boy tomorrow is going to be even harder and an even earlier wake up. But back to the topic of this morning. We ended up getting to breakfast and so many other teams were in line to eat that we had maybe 5 minutes to eat. It sucked because it was pretty much back to BMT style eating. Pure craziness. But i hated only having a short amount of time to eat, it sucked because i have never inhaled food that fast before.
   After scarfing down my food, we went outside and was getting ready to form up and head over to ourclass that our instructor came over and told us that we were late and that we were supposed to be there at 645 this morning instead of our usual time of 715. I guess there was a huge miscommunication, but it just sucked because we got yelled at a little bit over it. It made for a bad start, but when we got into the classroom our other instructor told us to just put everything behind us that we did have a bad start, but we were there to take a test. I couldnt believe we were finally taking the test i had been studying all weekend for.
   I was so nervous about this test and He had done everything in His power to calm me and let me know that i would do just fine. Having Him to calm me down is so amazing. It was like He was saying that we know each other so well because even though we are miles apart, He can calm me down in a matter of seconds. It's crazy but i love it because He really is the only person that can calm me down when my temper is raging or i just feel like bawling my eyes out. I love Him so much and this is just one of the million reasons why He really is the boyfriend/husband/Master/Dom/everything for me.
   I took the test and was so nervous about it being graded when they handed it back this morning. But before i start about the grading, i have to mention that after a talk i overheard in the bathroom i can honestly say im ready to knock some sense into some of the females here and i also am so much more appreciative of Him and what He does for me. He is there for me and has never once questioned my loyalty to me. Yes i know that there has to be an issue on trust. We both trust each other that we wont cheat on the other and things like that. It's weird because things i used to find atractive in a guy, i dont really anymore. Like the pararescue guys here---normally tan legs and fit would have been hot but now they just look like overtanned chicken legged guys. Ewww...who wants a guy with scrawny legs that's going to end up with cancer at the age of like 25? Anyways back to this morning.....
    I overheard a conversation in the bathroom of one of the females that was in my flight during basic and she was talking about how she and her husband had talked before she left and this friend she had here (a male friend) and that she just couldnt take things to a certain point. At this time, i was thinking to myself why would you even want to go to first base or even kiss someone when you are married. She was talking about how she likes this one guy more then she should, but yet she's married. Her excuse for the whole thing if she does anything with the guy here would be that her husband screwed up on his end and that it's her turn to screw up on her end. What kind of messed up bullcrap is this? You got married because you love this person, but now you are second guessing it. I'm thinking that maybe you are one of the ones that really is too young to get married that gives the rest of us that want to get married around this age(which is viewed as too young because apparently we havent really lived yet).
   Another conversation that was said in the same time was that this girl has a boyfriend and she is also the same girl sleeping around with the guys on the flight. How can you sit there and talk about integrity first and being honest with everyone, when you yourself aren't even honest with the person that is closest to you?? How much sense does that make. It seems that all the females here in my flight with the exception of like two or three have lost their minds since they got here. I dont understand it....theyre hooking up with guys they barely know and having sex just because they havent had it in forever. All i know is that i'm very grateful for the discipline He instilled in me before i left, but thats not really what it is. The whole thing is that i am loyal to Him. I admit that there may be times that i screw up on things here and there, but i will never question or place in jeopardy my relationship with Him and everything we have all because of some guy here that can offer me a few weeks of sex. HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!! I choose a lifetime wtih my Master and boyfriend and whatever else He is to me that i cant think of right now. He is the only person that i will ever make sacrifices for and He knows it. Thank you Master for being there for me and just loving me and trusting me not to let You down and to be Your lil one even from miles away.
     AFter this conversation we had classes for the day and it was right back to flashback central. I had another class about rape today. Ugh it seems that i cant get away from that topic. For right now, i dont really want to discuss it but maybe one day for my own healing process i may write on here about it just to get things off my chest and out in the open, but for now other things in my life take more importance over that. Yes, i know thats wrong to think of, but its true. I have to be tough and i have to be strong, not only for me but my flight and to be the lil one He wants me to be.
   We finished the day after having an amazing evacuation from the building for a smell of gas which wasnt even there. It was all good because we got out of class early and then had the MTL be late to telling us things. Sad thing is i have to get onto my recruiter agian about faxing my stupid forms because it seems he hasnt taken care of his end of the deal. Stupid people make me mad.....
   The day ended on a positive note with me being able to talk to Him and being able to see Him. I needed to be calmed down and happiness was trickling from me too. I just love Him so much and cant wait until we both take those vows that mean we are spending the rest of our lives together. I wonder though what i will be wearing when we do that......a traditional wedding dress or a summery type looking one??? Hmm...i like the summery one but im not sure about Him. Oh the other development on the home front is i may be getting a car. I dont know for sure, but fingers crossed for now. I am just so ready for it, but i know that i have to be patient. Well thats all for today....let's see what tomorrow holds with a sad ceremony for loved ones of those killed since Sept 11th in the SF career field.

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