Sunday, September 26, 2010

An Off Day Maybe?

   Have you ever had that feeling that maybe your day was going to be off or something was going to go wrong. I honestly had that feeling earlier today, but being the happy person that i am, i put that thought out of my head. I wanted today to be a good day, not just for me but for Him too. The two of us both had crappy days yesterday with Him getting called into work and i had a major headache all day long. It seemed that yesterday was just the day to end all days for the both of us. Anyways, today i wanted to go different, but it seemed otherwise.
   Today started out with me sleeping in and actually waking up rested feeling. I wondered if today would be different. It possibly could have been, but i was proven wrong. Waking up and being able to call Him was an amazing feeling in the world since during the week there is no way possible for me to be able to do that. I take pleasure in the fact that during the weekends He is the first one to send me a message.  It feels like it is back to old times then and i'm just a few hours away from Him instead of 17 hours and thousands of miles. I hate this distance because there are times that i need Him here. Especially today when i was taking care of something important and He couldnt be there.
   I got up and got ready for the day taking care of my backpack. It was crazy that this lady actually thought i was going to continue paying for a backpack that was a piece of crap. Paying $55 for a backpack that has broken straps and everything else just wasnt worth it, especially after the company billed me twice. Let's just say i wasnt a happy customer when it came to these people. So if i dont have my money back by Friday, as He told me earlier today, i may be bringing out my Domme side (haha...like i really have one). So needless to say the lady was politely told that i wanted my money back, but if its not back Friday, there will be some fun had.
   After finishing that, it was time for mandatory study time. Yeah, like i really studied. I had been studying all week long and for some reason i just couldnt focus to study. I wonder if it was mere procrastination or an inability to focus. I just couldnt wrap my head around focusing on studying the material. The only thing i was having issues with anyways was the history, which is my worst subject out in the civilian world too so it makes sense that i suck at it here.
   Mandatory study time ended after 15 minutes and the rest of the time was spent on the computer looking up various things. I was looking up the taxi cab numbers and different car places just in case. I even tried calling the guy that i was supposed to come see today. Oh my, boy is he glad that he wasnt there today because i was extremely pissed after he talked with me and said he would be there today, knowing good and well that i couldnt get off base, but a couple days during the weekend. Let's just say that i wasnt planning on making an expensive trip out there to look at this car and possibly purchase it only to find out that it wasnt even there and also the place was closed. I'm so pissed its not even funny!!! Let's just say this lil one wasnt a happy camper at all and i was ready to go off on someone. The taxi driver seemed nice and he was talking us into a deal and offered to take me and the two guys that came with me to the dealership down the road if i wanted. I agreed thinking nothing of it and wondering what it'd be like to check a dealer and see what they could do. It couldnt hurt to run some numbers and see where i stood, especially for buying my first car.
    The dealership didnt have very good news for me. The price was way out of my range and i just could afford what they were offering. Anyways, it was just bad news all around for me when it came to the car and i was just sad that i wasnt able to get a car, but i know its a process.
    The three of us headed back to base and finished out the day. I can honestly admit that im saddened more by Him not being here and being able to help me look then anything else. Thinking about it now, i miss Him so much that im ready to start crying. It's crazy how much you can love someone and miss them at the same time. I love Him so much and miss Him like crazy. Life here keeps rolling on, but it's just not the same until i'm in that house or apartment or wherever we end up living. I know either way whatever happens with the car situation, we will work it out, but for now i'm still carless. We're looking, but its not a major importance since i still have time.
   I finished accountability and this is where my night turned crappy.It seems that choices made here always interfere with my time with Him or being able to talk with Him or just how our relationship works. I have to edit my responses because of my roomie or even just i cant act like i am supposed to. I hate it and am so ready to be home. I hate being here more and more everyday, but its a good thing the days are counting down even more. I miss Him so much and find myself on breaking point everyday. I know how much He defends me from things and not to say that i cant defend myself, but its easier having that person that has your back. Here i dont feel like i know anyone and i just feel so out of the loop. I tend to keep to myself because of not feeling like myself around everyone. I guess this is my whining or whatever since i cant really whine to Him about it, but i miss Him so much. Ugh, why does life have to be so cruel here. I love my country, but being away from my loved one for this long---pure torture (not as bad as His evilness though).
    My happy side to today and thinking about it now is that i can look forward to a collar in the future. We were talking earlier and He really likes the idea of a collar now and the symbolism of it. It is a big commitment and is pretty much the equivalent of an engagement/wedding ring. I am so excited and cant wait for the two of us being together. I wonder too with Him looking at housing if it means that there may be something happening in the future. I may not say it, but i honestly hope that we can get married while i'm on leave (at least something small and have the big ceremony at a later time when we can save up and afford it) and that way we can live together because i would die living off base and we get more benefits doing it then versus once i get to the base. I guess it's just i'm so ready to be with Him, but i know i have to be patient. It's crazy knowing that you're going to be spending the rest of your life with someone, but you just have to wait for that one question. Ugh, this is horrible torture for me waiting for it to be asked, but i love the whole element of surprise that will come with it. :D I'm such an easy girl to please and He knows it, but i understand that He wants to make it special.
   Ugh, i guess this whole weekend is just crap to me because i found out Friday that i will officially be alone on Thanksgiving. Yes, there will be other airman here and other people from my team and all, but still it's not the same without Him. I wish He could be here and enjoy it with me, but He will probably be working. I understand that He has an important job too and mine is here for now.I guess that will make our time together that much more special. I just hope He knows that anything that happens with me emotion wise within the next time frame is due mainly to that shocking news i cant do anything about and just how much i miss Him. Not being able to see Him at night (much like tonight because of a choice made by me) just wrecks havoc on me. Anyways, i probably should end this before i start crying. My last touch is to put these lyrics in here because they have been in my head. Master i love you so much and i hope You know that. You make me fall in love with You more and more everyday.

Making Me Fall In Love

This last one is to thank you for all the little moments that make the time with You so amazing. I love it and everything is so true, although i know if i would ever back Your truck into something it would be my butt, not You laughing at me looking so cute. i love You Sir
Thank you Sir

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