Monday, September 20, 2010

Frustrations vented can be good sometimes....

Wow today was such an exhilarating rush all around. I just don’t even know where to begin. I feel like after the blog that I posted yesterday I am finally starting to get my life back together. Things are slowly beginning to fall back into place where they should be and I greatly apologized to Him for my actions last night. I know for sure there are going to be days where I am going to get in trouble and be my stubborn self, but letting Him see and know that things being taught here are majorly contradicting what He’s taught me and is trying to continue teaching me helps out a lot. I opened His eyes with that blog because He got an insight into just what I was feeling

Anyways, back to today. It started out with my dragging my feet. Goodness, I will never have as much sugar as I did yesterday because I ended up crashing hard around 1130-12am and then had to turn around and get up about 440-445. Of course that was with my five more minutes please mom of hitting the snooze on the alarm twice. See I’m smart though because I set my alarm at least ten minutes before I really want to get up so that I know I will wake up and get out of bed. A neat trick that I learned in college.

We got breakfast and the whole time through breakfast I felt mopey and sad. I missed Him like crazy and I find myself suffering these withdrawals every now and then. I hate it because I have to make it through the rest of the day before I get to hear His voice again, but at least I get to hear it here. I love hearing His voice because no matter what hardships I’m facing here or the woes I face, He always knows how to calm me down and get me back to thinking clearly and level headed again. God, He knows me way to well and I love it. There are things He knows about me that nobody else knows, like my little quirks and likes and dislikes. Not even my parents know half the things He knows because He truly is my best friend and soul mate. Being here has made me realize just how sweet I have it made with Him and I am always going to fight my hardest not to lose myself and Him in this new military world.

To expand on that, I find my training from Him being thrown out half the time because of things I HAVE to do for the military. Like one rule of no underware has gone out the window because being here and all thru basic it was mandatory for me to wear it. I hate it because to me, it feels weird and actually I found it that underware makes you more susceptible to infections down there too. The other rules are reinforced, but I find myself fighting them here somewhat, where as back at home I wouldn’t be fighting them at home because it wasn’t a possibility. Yes my opinion could be voiced at home, but His word was the final say so and if I didn’t like it and made a fuss, He put an end to it real quick. This I know from first hand experience and not one I’m willing to repeat anytime soon. It’s just I love Him so much as my Master and as my boyfriend too, that I hate the struggle life creates here. It’s a delicate balance between the life me and Him live and the life that the Air Force expects me to live. I know that one day we will find that perfect balance between the two, but while I’m still in training it is a little hard. I keep finding new ways to feel His control though and will continue to glow in it. He is my Master and has the ultimate say so in all decisions and that applies even here no matter what others think.

After bussing out and getting to Bullis, we found out we were going to be done before 12 today. Man that was news to my ears because it meant I could go back to the dorm and relax and hopefully await that text letting me know the baby was in the world now. Before today she was in Shantelle’s belly, but today she finally made her appearance and is the cutest little thing ever. I honestly cant wait until I have one of my own and it is the truth that I cant wait. I know I have to though until things are okay, but for the time being I can be satisfied with spoiling my soon to be niece and my nephew that is on the way as well.

Getting to Bullis, I focused on my main goal for today---shooting the M249 and making sure that I did well on it. I didn’t want any of the screw ups that I had on Friday. It was bad and it didn’t help that the instructor in the pit wasn’t understanding either. I had already admitted that I was nervous firing the gun and his leering demeanor didn’t help my situation any. Oh well, I still qualified. But, back to today. I qualified and finished with amazing time. I think it took me maybe three or four minutes to go through that entire 300 round clip and things that we were firing. It took the same amount of time for everyone else as well that I couldn’t believe that we were all done shooting by about 1030. It was pure craziness. I was the one taking down all the scores though and I have to admit that the brass flying out from the weapon sucks because it hit me a couple times on like the helmet or the uniform. They come out with a good bit of force, but thankfully where it hit me was covered by some sort of material.

After firing the weapon, I was one of the “lucky” ones chosen to go clean the weapons. Granted normally I would have griped and complained about having to do it while everyone else got to stay back and sit and sleep on the bus, but this wasn’t true. Today and knowing what His reaction would be if I did that changed things. I gladly went and did it, not because I had to but because I knew it was what I should be doing. It’s crazy how 24 hours can change your whole viewpoint on things and your perspective. I see things differently now then I did yesterday when I was being a complete brat to Him (although part of that was the sugar running through me that I had eaten).

Finishing cleaning the weapons, we pretty much lounged around until getting on the bus and heading back to the tech school area. I loved the bus ride because it was so quiet and I could actually get some sleep. I took a nap, but it wasn’t very long because the ride is only about 45 minutes with good traffic. Still a nap here is a good nap anyway you look at it with how sleep deprived we are at times. After getting back to the tech school area, it was time to get our end of day brief and go back to our rooms, but turns out there was no MTL around. So instead, we just got sent back to the dorms. It was so amazing being able to get things done so early. I wish I had taken a nap, but laundry was more important and I know He would have thought that was the right choice in the situation I was in. Not to mention I got to talk to Him earlier in the day too.

This brings me to one of the most spectacular parts of my day----I got to turn my phone on and one of the messages, aside from the good morning message from Him (which I love rereading over and over again every time I get one) was the picture of His newborn niece. She seemed so perfect and innocent and just the picture of beauty. I couldn’t wait to see her in person, but the other thing was that I couldn’t wait to have a child of my own.. Seeing the picture He sent me of holding His niece, made me realize that much more of how great a father He is going to be. I see how caring and nurturing He is to the little girl His gran watches and to me and how He treats me and I know He will no doubt be the greatest dad. It also helps that He had a really good father from what I’ve heard of Him. I wish I had known Him, but I know there are traits of Him in my Master. Anyways, I cant wait to have a child with Him and make that other part of our life come together, but for now that is in the distant future.

Back to reality and today though for some more good news. I got to see Him for the first time on cam since I left Him almost 4 weeks ago. I cant believe that it has been so long but my heart about skipped a beat and I couldn’t help but smile as I watched His face light up. It’s crazy that being so far apart, yet I feel so much closer to Him then I have ever been. I love Him so much and can always feel His warmth and support and care even from miles away. He is always the number one thought in my head when I wake up as I check my phone to make sure I didn’t miss anything from Him. I cant wait to get back to Him to start our life together. It should be so much fun and a new beginning for the two of us when I finish here and we move to Robbins AFB GA.

But that was pretty much my day in a nut shell. Here and there are filled with random things, but around here the most important things are what help you make it through the day and those two are what helped me make it through the day----knowing He would be there when I got home and also being able to see Him face to face. Until that day that I get to see Him face to face, making it through the day to talk to Him at night is what’s going to help me make it through any challenges I face. He is my rock in my hard times and I will always work to prove myself and prove that I am His lil one.

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