Wow, today started so crazy, but early. I think i have decided, im sure that He will agree with me here, but im never staying up as late as i did last night if i have to get up early in the morning. I couldnt believe how early this morning came, but it was even earlier with my roomie's alarm going off at about 4am. Joyous fun on that one. I had to look at my phone to double check and make sure it wasnt 530 already. I couldnt believe it becasue it was only 4. Sighing, i lay my head back down and went back to sleep.
Anyways, i definitely think that He will agree with my new decision. It just seems that not having all that sleep wore me out today. It was my choice to stay up later because He would have been fine with it,but i wanted to talk to my sub friend. It's hilarious because the two of us without saying very many words could get into so much trouble, it'd be hilarious and bad all in one. I got to talk to the two of them on cam and all that on skype. It was crazy how the three of us finally got to figure it out and two subs ganging up on Him was quite funny. Although i had to quit the minute i got threatened with the paint stirrer. I know when to push and when to stop, although i have a feeling that sometime i will end up getting in trouble because i want to playfully push so far.
After waking up this morning, we headed out to class for the day. I was ready to face the day because it was going to be a long day, but short class time wise. I was planning on making it through class and then the doctor's office after lunch. I couldnt wait, but i was hoping that there wasnt going to be a repeat of the having to give blood. I hated that part last time and hoped i wouldnt have to give blood this time. It's something i dont particularly like doing.
Class went amazing, although the weapons safety class was extremely dry and boring because we had already heard all those lectures when we went to our weapons training. I just wanted that part to end because we all knew it and had it lectured to us numerous times. Ugh....i hate it completely. I had to stand up in the back of the class towards the end because i was falling asleep writing. I knew there would be hell to pay with Him, not just the instructors, if i fell asleep while i was in class and had to get yelled at for it. I didnt fall asleep though so i'm good.
After class, i went to lunch and it was crazy. I am wondering if i'm just have weird cravings or whatever. I have eaten a HUGE salad at lunch every day this week and it has tasted so amazing. I love salad and it seems i'm craving them like crazy. But it's also healthy so thats another reason why i love them too. I have realized i really do have to take care of myself and my body if i want to be able to take care of Him too. If i cant take care of myself first, how in the end can i take care of Him?
It's weird though how i find myself missing Him so much at the most randomest times. I can make it days on end without missing Him other then the normal cant wait to talk to Him and then there are other days where i'm about ready to lose it completely and burst out in tears in the middle of class or the chow hall. Goodness i hate those moments because i just want to go curl up and cry, but i know He wouldnt want me too. I wonder if anybody else goes through these moments. It's just crazy because of my past and how i dont really have anyone i'm close to in my family other then my sister. I have so much going for me and everything i just am ready to get the future going. It's just hard sometimes when it seems there are so many obstacles in my path.
Last week was better then this week and i can honestly say im happy that we havent had anymore SAPO classes. Those classes suck especially since it is a touchy subject for me. I have realized i maybe should talk to someone because in all honesty, i think someone in my past may have been right and i could still have PTSD since i havent dealt with my issues. I wonder if this may help me or hurt me if i go and talk with someone or not. He has been a great comfort and has sworn up and down He will raise hell and earth to protect me from everything possible. He knows what happened with my situation and is gladly there for me, especially after a rough day here where i have issues. It's nothing bad, just i get a little shaky and i have to take some time to collect myself. I guess my best bet is probably to talk to Him about it and see what He thinks is best, especially since i dont want a victim rep chasing me down when i have to walk out of a classroom.
So anyways on to more important things. I cant wait until i get back home to Him because i have a feeling things will be changing greatly. I'm so excited for the new changes and am so ready for it. I know for sure were getting married so im starting to think of ideas and all, but nothing really set in stone and all. I am actually starting to dream of that wedding that i never did when i was a little girl (sad i know but i never really dreamed of what id wear to my wedding or anything when i was younger). I am so happy and cant wait and its crazy that there is a baby in His family because now i have a baby to spoil. We have a ways to go before thinking about that one, but it's an amazing feeling sharing the love with little babies that trust you completely.
I cant wait to see what married life will be like for me both as a submissive wife and also as a wife in general for Him. I love Him sooooo much and dont want to disappoint Him at all. I think that is one of my biggest fears is doing something to disappoint Him, but our past experiences i have learned that the only way i disappoint Him is by being a bad lil one and not acting how i should. He easily corrects me and is firm, but patient and understanding. I cant wait to see where things go with the two of us. I have a feeling there may be a collar in the future too with what we were looking at, but who knows. I will find out sooner or later, until then just to stay happy.