Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Near but Distant Future...

   Today has been an amazing day full of fun and just plain getting down to business too. I hate to say it but it seems the bright future gets closer each and every day. Being here i am reminded each and everyday just how much i love my Master and how i know ill never take Him for granted. So many people here are finding it hard to understand others or are having difficulties with their partners finding out various information while theyre here. Our relationship is so much different because i dont have to worry about any of that. Master is ALWAYS kept in the loop as to what is going on(aside from last weekend where He didnt hear from me for 5 hours or so...that was a phone glitch). He always knows where im at, who im with, and what im going to be doing at a given time. Even though we are a million miles apart, okay so maybe a thousand or so, He is still in charge of me and i am still His lil one. Me joining the military didnt change one thing about how our relationship works.
   Anyways, time for me to get off that soap box im on. i felt that i needed to say that after reading a fellow bloggers story that i follow and see that she is struggling with not being able to talk to her daddy like she wishes she could. i feel her and understand where she is coming from because some of her feelings and emotions i feel right now (okay so maybe im not off that soap box yet) and i feel it is a rollar coaster. There are so many days that i have good and bad mixed in and i just wish that He was here to hold me and that i could just feel His embrace again. The other night when i got in trouble and could tell He was so upset with me, i actually was happy that He was this worried. Dont get me wrong, it wasnt a happy that i was in trouble and had made Him worry but a happy that He cared enough about me to be this worried. i had missed that, not to say it wasnt there though.
   i dont know if Master knows this because i am not one to usually be extremely open and just say things, it has taken a lot of coaching and im still working on it. Anyways, i find myself struggling everyday to make it through things here because it is so tough. Today we were dealing with domestics and then processing crime scenes together. i found myself worrying somewhat seeing that if medical were to come into some of the situations we were creating, they would be in a world of hurt and setting themselves up to be either seriously injured or killed. This brings whole new worry to me about His job and i now realize just how dangerous it is if He were to respond to calls like this. i worry that some cop may not know how to do his job and my Master goes into a bad situation. i guess thats more worry on my part and i know i shouldnt worry but sometimes things like these just pop up in my head.
   After learning about this, i have realized too that i just miss Him in general. i miss the feel of His skin against mine....the way He kept me warm at night when i was freezing just with the heat from His body. So many little things that i took for granted that im relying on to remember. i dont have much longer left, but i feel myself struggling during the day to get through. im exhausted and just extremely homesick and i dont know how to fix it. We talk every night, but sometimes its just not enough. i dont mean to seem like a baby or anything, but i miss HIm so much that my heart hurts at times when i get to missing Him so much.
   On top of that, the time we have to talk is very limited and sometimes i fall asleep on Him because i am so exhausted. i hate that i cant even be His lil one and take care of Him by being so many miles away and i even fall asleep on the phone on Him. i try my best everyday in training and some days it is a true struggle, especially running days, but i do it knowing that i am working to make Him proud at the end of the day. Much like this morning we ran the formation run for pt and i stayed with them the entire time. i didnt feel anything and wasnt really paying attention to the comments behind me. i was focused on making it through it with no complaints or asking to slow down(i did ask but that was because a couple girls were ahead of the instructor that was setting the pace). i achieved this goal and made it through the run feeling no pain. i had reached the point of breaking and had gone past it. i know my running sucks though and i wonder if Master may think it a good idea to run every morning during the weekends or at night during the weekends with a wingman to work on it.
   So to the day i had today that was so amazing. the team and i headed back to the mock air base to do our drills and run our domestic disputes. This morning my squad didnt go so we sat around and pretty much killed time until lunch time. We learned how to draw and sketch a crime scene and how to process one just in case we would ever have to do one. Lunch was amazing and it was Little Caesars pizza. 28 pizzas for like 50 people that decided to eat pizza.....it was sooooo good.
   i also headed to the dining facility with one of my friends and had a blue slushee. i honestly looked(and the TDYs were nice on their comments and didnt say anything even though lots could have been said) like i had either eaten a smurf or sucked one off. My lips, teeth, and tongue were a bright blue. It was hilarious because the instructors thought it was hilarious and laughed at the three of us with the smurf mouths. i didnt do it for the guys to make comments, i just wanted to try the blue slushee cause they didnt know the flavor. It just happens to be the best flavor ever---blue raspberry, like the dum dum suckers.
   After lunch the fun started. Our instructor was back so my squad and the other one was back to being evaluated. i got to be an actor again and the first couple scenarios we did were just plain boring. Nothing really dramatic although i did get to lay on the floor and play dead. One of the guys working with me and i came up with the idea to fool them and do one where both of us take off running in opposite directions. It would have worked great if i had a clear shot for one of the doors, but i didnt. He ran off after dropping the speaker he was supposedly returning and the other cop ran after him. i pulled out a gun acting like i was going to shoot him, when the other cop saw me doing that. He grabbed the gun out of my hand and still had a hold of my hand when i made a bolt for the door. It was crazy though because the whole time i was resisting he never let go of my arm. He had a grip on me the whole time. The other crazy thing was i had enough fight in me to drag a 25 or 26 something guy out the front door and then onto the lawn, but that was where i got stopped. He still had a hold on me this entire time because i couldnt break free of his grip and when i went to turn right, he spun me around and sent me down onto the ground. i tried getting up, but before i even could he had one arm pinned high up in my back and i realized any further resistance wouldnt work, but i was still fighting. What can i say??My feisty side had come out for day two. He finally handcuffed me and then the scene was over and he took off the cuffs. i was surprised at my own strength though and never knew i could pull a man his size out of a doorway if i really wanted to get away.
   Anyways, the domestic disputes today were oh so much fun and i cant wait to do some more tomorrow. im not entirely sure if i will be acting though because we will have a different instructor with our group. i hope she goes with the same philosophy that the instructor did today and keep the same actors because we know all the scenes already and the people who are the cops dont know them. it would make more sense and all the actors would end up going very last or something like that. i wonder though if they will do one where they get the whole neighborhood invovled and have like 30 different cops running around trying to get people out of certain situations and getting them detained and all. Oh well, guess i will find out.
   Tomorrow is a new day and thankfully it is finally Friday. i am ready for the weekend and ready to be able to talk to Master. this upcoming week is going to be highly stressful and i know that i need the stress reliever for sure. i love Him so much and cant wait to get home to Him because every day im away from Him, this wetness and ache for Him just keeps growing. It's a need down in my belly, but further down, that keeps growing and wont be stilled until i can see Him again. :) Until then, i will be a wet and waiting lil one for Him.

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